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Recent News from the Dark Side

  • SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE BLUE-ISH (AMERICAN PRINCESSES)

    Feeling Blue? — For Halloween, the UCLA Dance Team donned blue hair (NOT a reference to the legendary senior citizen season ticket holders in Pauley Pavilion who never stand up and cheer) to root on the Blue and Gold Five years ago for Halloween, the UCLA Cheer Squad girls dressed up as Disney Princesses.  This […]

  • THE DUDA BITES

    Mark it zero — Ex-trojan Lucas Duda’s wild throw home in the 9th frame costs the Mets the World Series, as the Royals tie it up on Duda’s non-strike, and go on to win Game 5 in 12 innings 7-2, bowling over New York into the gutter 4-1, to become World Champs Never before has […]

  • TROJAN’S “JEM” FLOPS, BUT BRUIN GEMS ARE TOPS

    Trojan Completes a Bomb — Highly-decorated u$c film school graduate Jon Chu delivers the biggest box office flop in the history of Universal Pictures, as his live-action movie version of the beloved 80’s cartoon Jem & the Holograms gets “Universally” panned by critics and fans, and finishes FIFTEENTH on its opening weekend, making only $1.32 […]

  • PRO BRUINS PROS, ANTI TROJANS CONS

    A League That We Own — Two UCLA players are instrumental in their NFL Teams’ victories this weekend, while several ex-trojan heroes are goats in their teams’ unexpected losses It’s probably just a coincidence, but after a week where trojan pride was at an all time low, a bunch of ex-trojans sabotaged their respective Pro […]

  • TROJANS CAN GO TO HEL…TON

    Clay Nation — After u$c chokes away a 4th quarter lead against Notre Dame due to bad play calling and poor game management, Bruin fans should start a campaign to get woozy Haden to lift Head Coach Clay Helton’s “interim” tag What a fortnight for the trojans.  First they lose to unranked Washington to fall […]

  • ALL-AMERICAN HORROR STORY

    Involuntary Stan-slaughter — With UCLA missing 3 All-American level Defenders, Stanford beats the Bruins to a bloody pulp, behind an All-American assault by Running Back Christian McCaffrey, who amasses 369 Total Yards and 4 Touchdowns in a 56-35 massacre It was no contest.  For the 8th straight time, Stanford has defeated UCLA, and like in […]

  • ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FORCED FIRES (BUT NOT IF YOU GO 3-2)

    Build a better souse trap — Trojans show no sympathy to disease-ridden Sarkisian, firing him on the very day he enters rehab for his alcoholism Sympathy from the Devils?  Not quite.  Just one day after expressing sorrow and concern for Head trojan Football Coach Steve Sarkisian, U$C Athletic Director Pat Haden has axed him.  Yesterday, […]

  • LUSH HOUR 2

    Absolut Krusty — Just several weeks after drunkenly humiliating himself and his “school” at a rally, Clown College Coach Steve Sarkisian “allegedly” shows up drunk to practice, is escorted off campus, and forced to take an indefinite leave of absence from his beleaguered u$c Football team After the trojans’ embarrassing upset loss to Washington on […]

  • sAArk’s 12-POINT PROGRAM

    Sarkiss him goodbye — u$c’s Offense is bottled up, dispensing only 12 points AT HOME against unranked, 17-point underdog Washington, in a 17-12 upset that plasters the loaded 3-2 trojans back out of the polls, as the talent at Sarkisian’s disposal remains un-tapped Someone must be hung over today… Is it Steve Sarkisian, or is […]

  • LOOKING DOWN ON THE CLOWNS

    Revolution #9 — For the moment, #9 UCLA can look down their noses at the Red-nosed Sarkisian and his Red-nosed Clown College trojans, who are the Nation’s Biggest Losers, dropping 13 spots to #19 after getting upset by an unranked Stanford squad; The Bruins also passed Florida State and Alabama (!) in the AP Poll […]

  • LEGS FOOL YOUNG

    Brigham Young is stunned by a double-digit 4th Quarter Comeback, achieved mostly on the legs of Paul Perkins and Nathan Starks (when the Cougars expected the Bruins to pass the ball to catch up), as #10 UCLA nips #19 BYU 24-23; Meanwhile, u$c loses to Stanford to go to 0-1 in the Pac-12, and fall […]

  • HAUNTED LOUSE

    Who ya gonna call? — Super Louse Pete Carroll’s Super Bowl Super-Blunder comes back to haunt him in his very next game, as this time, down by 3 in Overtime, he louses it up by calling Marshawn Lynch’s number on 4th and 1, but EVERYONE knows it’s coming, and Seattle wasn’t dominating the line of […]

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