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Recent News from the Dark Side

  • TO MAKE A WRONG STORY SHOT

    Ex-trojan Bryce Dejean-Jones dies tragically, when he mistakenly goes to the incorrect story of his estranged girlfriend’s apartment complex, and kicks down the door of the unit directly under hers, where the occupant legally shoots and kills him This a a dark day for the Dark Side.  There is tragedy in Troy, as 23-year old […]

  • EX-TROJAN McDONALD’S DUI KEEPS THE “CLOWN” IN “CLOWN COLLEGE”

    I’m Lovin’ It… because he didn’t kill anyone — Former u$c Football player T.J. McDonald is arrested for Driving Under the Influence, of something other than alcohol How long has it been since a trojan has made the Police Blotter?  Not that long, actually.  Not exactly a “drought.”  It was just a few weeks ago […]

  • SLIP OF THE YOUNG

    “Reble” without a clue — Just when you thought ex-trojan Nick Young couldn’t be any stupider, he tries to get a giant back tattoo that reads “BORN REBLE” When a Rap Star has to correct your spelling, you know you’re a trojan. Current Los Angeles Laker and former trojan Nick Young has been a laughingstock […]

  • A MILLION WAY$ TO DIVE IN THE WE$T

    Geronimo-ney! —Swim with Mike 2016 at USC raises over a million dollars for physically-challenged athletes, thanks in part to the bighearted USC Song Girls, who dived into the pool for this praiseworthy charity Welcome to the annual bury-the-rivalry-hatchet week, as I put aside my allegiances to praise the efforts of the Swim with Mike charity, […]

  • BEST McDONALD’S DISHES EVER

    Amaze-balls!! —  UCLA Recruit Lonzo Ball dazzles McDonaldland and the whole Country with his spectacular Special Sauce passes, amassing a record-tying 13 Assists as his West team cruises to victory in the prestigious McDonald’s All-American Game Lonzo knows winning.  Coming off his 35-0 Championship Season, Lonzo Ball notched another W, this time in the McDonald’s […]

  • SWAGGY P – BRAIN

    The Mustard Falls Off the Hotdog — Current L.A. Laker and ex-trojan Nick “Swaggy P” Young gets accused of lewd behavior and sexually harassing a woman — and her mother — at an intersection in Hollywood What a Swagoff.  You can take the player out of u$c, but you can’t take the u$c out of […]

  • NEVER MIND THE BULLOCK!!

    Anarchy in the NCAA –u$c punks choke in March Madness 70-69, blowing a 5-point lead in the final 2:21, with 2 consecutive turnovers, then 3 missed Free Throws in the final minute, and finally, a blown defense, on an inbounds play with 3 seconds left, allowing Providence’s Rodney Bullock to get the Rock, wide open […]

  • TROJAN ANCHOR SINKS CAROLINA IN SUPER BOWL SHIPWRECK

    Ka-lil, Ker-plunk:  Friendly fire torpedoes Panthers, as their own Offensive Line — anchored by ex-trojan Center Ryan Kalil — is like a screen door on a submarine, allowing Denver’s Defense to get 7 Sacks, cause 4 Turnovers, and score a Touchdown in the Broncos’ 24-10 Super Bowl 50 Victory Peyton Manning, despite an entirely lackluster […]

  • THE TROJAN WART

    Choker’s Wild — Ex-trojan Carson Palmer blunders through the NFC Championship game, personally committing SIX Turnovers:  TWO lost fumbles, and FOUR Interceptions, including TWO in the End Zone, and a Pick-6, dragging Arizona to a season-terminating 49-15 loss The Carolina Panthers are going to the Super Bowl.  Most people will say that their MVP in […]

  • SEE USC’S DIXON. SEE DIXON GET BUSTED FOR CARJACKING. DON’T BE A DIXON

    Driving it into the end zone — Ex-trojan Tight End Bryce Dixon, who had previously gotten in trouble for sexual misconduct, is now in jail for suspicion of carjacking and/or a series of robberies All’s well that ends well?  Bryce Dixon was a hotshot trojan Tight End, when he got embroiled in a campus sex […]

  • DeMar DeRozan DeFrocks da trojans’ academics

    3+1 = 3 — Ex-trojan’s “duh” moment and admission that he didn’t attend college discloses u$c’s despicable academic deception Some people think that after 50 years, u$c is finally starting to close the academic gap by which it has always trailed UCLA.  They claim that by using their vast financial resources, they have been hiring […]

  • TWO CHOKE GIRLS

    Choking a gift horse in the mouth — Trojan “stars” Kessler and Smith-Schuster both totally choke in the final 30 seconds of the Holiday Bowl, allowing Wisconsin to salvage a 23-21 victory, DESPITE a Badgers’ game-winning Touchdown being disallowed on a blatantly BLOWN CALL For a while, it looked like it was going to happen […]

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