Category: News from the Dark Side

  • EX-TROJAN THUG MAUALUGA BUSTED FOR A DUI

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    ucladavid

    P(oor), O(ld) N(imrod) T(hinks) I(t’s) A C(adillac):  Rey Rey crashes his ’03 Pontiac into some parking meters and goes to jail;  No word if Pat Cowan will go see him on Visitor’s Day It was only a matter of time.  Ex-trojan Linebacker Rey Maualuga has always been a ticking time…

  • “LIAR McGWIRE” HAS A DENIER: HIS SUPPLIER

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    ucladavid

    Ex-trojan didn’t REALLY come clean in his Steroid confession:  His Dealer says McGwire injected NOT to recuperate from injuries as he claims;  On the contrary, the “recipe” was specifically designed to make him bigger, stronger, and faster “If Paris Hilton was to take that array, she could run over Dick Butkus.” That…

  • STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE, KIFFIN! [Article updated]

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    ucladavid

    Before speeding off to sc, an ASLEEP-AT-THE-WHEEL Lane Kiffin TOTALED a Lexus, then fled the scene on foot before a DUI could be administered;  Insurance paid for the damage, but no Police Report can be located now The rumors started just DAYS after Lane Kiffin screwed over Tennessee:  While in…

  • CLASS FLIES THE COOP, AS SC’S COOPER STOOPS TO AN ALL-TIME LOW

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    ucladavid

    Good Coop, Bad Coop:  USC Women’s Basketball Head Coach (and ex-Laker) Michael Cooper celebrates his team’s win over the Bruins at his Press Conference by saying:  “My opening statement is ‘F*ck UCLA!’” Just call me “The Coop Nazi” if you like, but Michael Cooper “needs persecutin’.”  USC should soon be…

  • UCLA SHOULD SELF-IMPOSE SANCTIONS, TOO

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    ucladavid

    Bruins’ bricks, unforced Turnovers, and slow Defense make sc regret their sanctions even more, in pitiful 67-46 loss Usc now shares second place in the Pac-10, only a half-game out of first.  Too bad it won’t amount to anything. After the trojans blew out UCLA on Saturday, dominating the game in…

  • KIFFIN ALREADY WHIFFIN’

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    ucladavid

    Sniffed, stiffed, and miffed:  Swift attempt by sc to $teal away Norm “It’s not always about the money” Chow comes up empty, leaving Kiffin 0-2 against Neuheisel Sorry trojans — you can’t buy happiness.  Sometimes, your arrogance gets in the way of your money. Every man MAY have his price,…

  • YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT(LOAD OF MONEY)

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    ucladavid

    This is not a (boating) accident:  Kiffin was supposedly hired only after promising to reel in Chow, but despite a million and a half clams in bait, Norm may be “the one who gets away” It’s hard to resist a million and a half bucks.  And it’s hard to turn down a chance to…

  • ALL IN ALL, IT’S JUST ANOTHER PRICK IN THE HALL

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    ucladavid

    To replace Pete the Cheat Carroll, Heritage Hall steals back Lane the Stain Kiffin, the “flat-out liar” who “brought disgrace” to the Raiders, and brought Armed Robbers, a “Rapist,” a Hostess scandal, and a host of other violations to Tennessee before screwing the Volunteers in the middle of the night and…

  • BIG MAC SPILLS HIS SPECIAL SAUCE

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    ucladavid

    To get out of a pickle and make some lettuce, cheesy ex-trojan Mark McGwire finally admits to 10 years of injecting beefy steroids into his buns, and to 20 years of telling seedy lies to cover it up From Pete the Cheat to McGwire the Liar.  At least McGwire admits that…

  • FORECAST FOR SEATTLE? CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEAT-HEADS

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    ucladavid

    Pete the Cheat Beats the Heat:  Carroll’s a Skater (with the Traitor and the Bater), as the Instigator/Investigator-Evader says “Later, Educator” to usc Ding, dong, the Cheat is Gone… and just when it was getting interesting. Apparently, Pete Carroll has tendered his RESIGNATION as usc football’s Head Coach.  And he’s reportedly taking…

  • PETE BURNS RUBBER(S), LEAVING SKIDMARKS ALL OVER FIGUEROA SKIRTS

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    ucladavid

    Best Getaway since Al “A.C.” Cowlings:  After a brief jockeying for po$ition with the Seahawks, Carroll is expected to high-tail it out of Condumb-land, right before the sh*t hits the fan(s) From Star-f*cker to Starbucker? Is Wil Ferrell and Snoop Dogg’s buddy really moving to the land of double lattes? …

  • TROJANS GO F*CK THEMSELVES

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    ucladavid

    USC Assumes The Mercenary Position:  The Pro-jan Basketball team gets bent over and pounded from behind by a self-imposed spanking, as Southern Cal FINALLY admits that they paid a player, but only in an effort to save the Football program from getting Screwed to Death by the NCAA Yeah, just call…