KIFFIN ALREADY WHIFFIN’

Sniffed, stiffed, and miffed:  Swift attempt by sc to $teal away Norm “It’s not always about the money” Chow comes up empty, leaving Kiffin 0-2 against Neuheisel

Sorry trojans — you can’t buy happiness.  Sometimes, your arrogance gets in the way of your money.

Every man MAY have his price, but usc could not pay Norm Chow enough to abandon UCLA and come work under Lane Kiffin.  Chow said “It’s not always about the money,” as he rejected sc’s million and a half dollar offer to steal him away from Westwood.  According to Fred Roggin’s sources, Chow heard Kiffin say at his Press Conference that Kiffin plans on calling plays for the trojans this season, and Chow didn’t want to go to sc without play-calling responsibilities.  Other sources say that Chow just despises Kiffin, and was always dead-set against going back.  One thing is for sure:  He was never anywhere near “finalizing” the deal, as ESPN’s Shelly Smith originally reported.

Chow was highly perturbed about the false media reports.  Chow himself heard that he was leaving UCLA from the Media, before sc had ever contacted him.  He calls it very, very unfair.  So maybe he thinks sc leaked a false story about him to aid recruiting, and THAT is why he turned down all those gobs of money.  Maybe he’s just sick of being party to that type of dirty trick, after seeing plenty of it from ’01-’04.

It’s also possible that Kiffin never really wanted the competition for Offensive control, but he went along with the idea, just to get hired in the first place.  Then, when he made his pitch, he did it so insincerely, that he knew Chow would say no.  It’s possible that he knew Chow had Integrity, and wouldn’t accept such a disingenuous offer.

And if Chow does have Integrity, and he was watching the goings-on coming out of Knoxville, he might have been convinced that “dirty” was going to be the key word at usc throughout the Lane Kiffin Era.  Kiffin signed a Rape-enabler and some guys that committed Armed Robbery 3 weeks into the season;  Kiffin FALSELY accused Urban Meyer of recruiting violations, and later put up a billboard taunting Meyer for blaming the flu for his Gators only beating the Vols by 10 points.  And after having to self-report a half-dozen secondary violations, Kiffin said that the violations are worth it, because they got Tennessee in the News.  And at his Presser on Wednesday, he tried to EXCUSE his sullied track record by saying that his 6 violations weren’t “out of whack” with the rest of the SEC.  Now THAT is the true trojan mentality:  Their cheating is completely fine, because those other teams cheat too, just as much.

Tennessee Lawmakers were so UN-impressed with Kiffin — even before he pissed off the whole State — that they cancelled the annual tradition of Officially honoring Tennessee’s Head Coach, preferring to NOT congratulate Kiffin on his 7-6 season last year.

And it’s not just Kiffin who might have turned off Chow with low-class behavior.  When the Kiffins pulled up stakes in the heat of the night, Lane’s Dad Monte, who is also Lane’s “Assistant,” had just pocketed a huge bonus, for still being at Tennessee on January 1st.  Even worse is this sleazy Ed Orgeron fiasco.  Immediately after Kiffin’s decision to bolt from UT, Orgeron started calling all the Volunteer recruits, and telling them not to enroll on the first day of school, so that they could still easily transfer to usc. 

This practice of a departing staff raiding a team’s recruits is considered totally unethical and sleazy.  That’s why Orgeron at first DENIED that he placed the calls.  It’s also why Kiffin stammered like a busted 6-year old kid whose face is covered in forbidden chocolate, when T.J. Simers pushed him on whether Kiffin was aware that Orgeron made the calls.  But when confronted with the eyewitness evidence, Orgeron broke down and admitted that he initiated some of the calls in question.

Of course Orgeron claims that he was only spelling out what options the kids have in this bizarre regime-change scenario.  He is still denying — despite the ear-witness accounts — that he encouraged them to delay enrolling in class, so that he could poach them.

You can believe him if you want, but the fans in Knoxville probably won’t.  In order to avoid an epidemic of sudden bonfires, UT is taking all their merchandise with Kiffin’s name or likeness on it OFF THE SHELVES, and shipping it to Haiti.  Now TWO good things are happening because of Kiffin’s betrayal of the Vols:   Thousands of earthquake victims are receiving some much-needed clean clothing, and usc is receiving a dirty, unproven, and unqualified Head Coach, whom not even the trojans wanted unless he was going to be accompanied by Norm Chow.

CHARLES BARKLEY may have put it best, on National TV:  “Lane Kiffin has got to have pictures of somebody HAVING SEX WITH A MONKEY.  Three straight jobs, and he didn’t deserve ANY of them.  He has got to have pictures of somebody having sex with a monkey.”

And speaking of cheating, monkeying around, and Baskteball:  It is being reported that O.J. Mayo has refused to cooperate with  usc’s OWN investigation into their Basketball violations.  Of course he wasn’t going to help the NCAA, but the fact that he wouldn’t even work with Mike Garrett and Mayo’s own “school” speaks volumes, as a clear admission of guilt, for one thing.  Apparently, while Mayo was attending usc, the trojans had just enough time to instill in him that “F-You” trojan attitude.  Too bad for sc that he turned that attitude right back on them.

And finally:  Believe it or not, but I received a Tiger Woods joke e-mail today, that was actually still FUNNY.  It showed Tiger and O.J. Simpson, with O.J. asking Tiger:  “You want me to do WHAT?”

And with hires like Shady Lane, the slimy trOJan legacy will live on forever.  Maybe O.J. can “replace” Chow, as Kiffin’s new O.C.  Mr Longest Yard can call plays from prison.  He and Kiffin are sure to get along well –“Lane Kiffin” spelled sideways is “Knife an Elf.”   Better not let him near the Keebler Tree, or the North Pole.  One guy who isn’t afraid is Rick Neuheisel, who — whether or not he personally helped persuade Chow to stay — is now 2-and-0 head-to-head against Kiffin.