BIG MAC SPILLS HIS SPECIAL SAUCE

To get out of a pickle and make some lettuce, cheesy ex-trojan Mark McGwire finally admits to 10 years of injecting beefy steroids into his buns, and to 20 years of telling seedy lies to cover it up

From Pete the Cheat to McGwire the Liar.  At least McGwire admits that he’s been lying.

With Tiger Woods in hibernation, there are now only two big scandal stories in Sports.  One of them revolves around  a trojan trying to escape from his nefarious past, and the other one revolves around another trojan trying to escape from HIS nefarious past.

Today ex-trojan Baseball player Mark McGwire finally confirmed the obvious:  He was taking Steroids throughout the 90’s, including 1998, when he and Sammy Sosa had their season-long Home Run Derby.  McGwire broke down in tears as he confessed to Bob Costas that he took the drugs so that he could justify all the millions that the Oakland A’s were paying him.  In other words, the ex-trojan did it for the money.

There are two main reasons why McGwire is finally coming clean:  #1 is that he thinks — incorrectly — that by being honest (for the first time ever, even to family and friends), he will be forgiven, and he will get voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.  Wrong.  He wasn’t even 50% of the way to getting voted in, and admitting that he was on the juice MIGHT buy him a couple of votes (for truthfulness), but the absolute INVALIDITY of all his stats will cost him just as many.

The second reason is that he is about to start as a Hitting Coach for the St. Louis Cardinals, and how could he develop a rapport with all his players if he was constantly lying through his teeth to them, and they all knew it?  Why would they listen to anything he says if they don’t trust him?  So, in order to continue to earn a salary, he had no choice but to spill the beans.  Of course now they won’t listen to him as intently because they know that he couldn’t hit a lick without chemical help.

Even while McGwire was supposedly “coming clean,” he still spewed some more bull.  When asked about breaking Roger Maris’ Home Run record, McGwire claimed that he would have broken it anyway, even without the drugs.  He says that it is all about hand-to-eye coordination, and that he had good years and bad years, both on and off of steroids (He had originally said that he was taking steroids intermittently, but then later admitted that he took them during every season).  Then he said that he called the Widow Maris to apologize for stealing Roger’s record under bogus circumstances.  [I wonder if he told HER that he would have broken her dead husband’s record anyway].

And that wasn’t the end of his bull.  When asked why he didn’t come clean when questioned by CONGRESS 5 years ago, he said that he “was not in a position to do that” at that time.  And which position is that — Mercenary?  Now that he NEEDS the $$$ of the Cardinals, or at least, the recognition of the Hall, he decided to talk, even though he says that he has WANTED to give it up for years, and has always known that this day was coming.  Still, he apparently waited until it was his only hope to get into Cooperstown (or until he needed the money).  It’s the Trojan Way.

McGwire also confirmed his trojan roots when he said that if they had testing back then, he never would have taken the injections.  In other words, he’s still got no problem with the ethics of cheating, as long as there is no chance of getting caught.  Is there any wonder where he learned these values?

Crybaby McGwire’s dog and pony show actually bush-pushed Pete Carroll off the proverbial front page, even though Carroll made his move official on Monday.  He is now the Head Coach of the Seattle Seahawks, because, according to him, he can’t resist the challenge.  He completely denies the charge that he is running away from pending NCAA sanctions. 

At the same time Carroll was making these declarations, it was reported that the NCAA has just finished their FOUR -YEAR investigation into usc Athletics, and they will be meeting in February to discuss how to start doling out the punishments. 

usc sent a contract to Jack Del Rio on Monday night, in an effort to hire him as Carroll’s replacement.  I hope he takes it, but I also hope it takes a long time to iron out the details, so that their recruiting suffers even more than it already has.  Allegedly, they have already lost one of their main recruiting targets, and several others have announced the re-opening of their recruitment.  Del Rio is expected to bring a former Notre Dame Defensive Coordinator with him (as well as Running Backs Coach Kennedy Pola), which is good because it would be BAD if DeWayne Walker ended up across town instead.  Actually, there is a high expectation of Walker ending up back with Carroll in Seattle.  That wouldn’t bother me, but instead of rooting FOR him, like I was while he was in New Mexico, I’d be rooting against him.

As far as Carroll being in Seattle — One Bruin fan asked:  Since he is no longer at usc, why should Bruins care how he does?  The answer is simple:  Carroll proved to be a slimy SCumball, who disrespected and insulted UCLA at every turn for a decade.  He made a mockery of the NCAA rulebook, thus violently “un-evening” the playing field, and thereby ruining 9 years of Bruin Football.  I hope he loses every single game at Seattle until the Seahawks unceremoniously fire his ass and Norton’s too.  Or maybe Pete can get caught cheating — ala Belichick — in the NFL too, and get fired for THAT.

The only risk with these scenarios is:  What if the trojans want to hire him back after he fails in Seattle?  I’m banking on heavy NCAA Sanctions stemming from Carroll’s tenure such that they would not be allowed by the school administration to ever hire him back.

And I’m glad that it’s Seattle, and not San Diego.  Seattle is a sports media market that gets very little coverage in Los Angeles.  Many Angelenos don’t even know that the Supersonics are the Thunder now.  The Mariners get more coverage in Japan than in L.A.  A LOT more.  So maybe Pom Pom Pete won’t be all over the L.A. Times with every piece of news from the Seahawks’ season.  Also positive is that Pete’s new boss is loaded, and invested and entrenched in Seattle, so the Seahawks are NOT one of the teams expected to possibly move to Los Angeles in the near future.  If Carroll were Coaching the new L.A. NFL team, he would become a local God again, even if the team struggled for a while, and even if the trojans got the Death Penalty due to his negligence.

Almost as bad would have been Carroll to San Diego. The Chargers would have become L.A.’s Team, media-wise, whether they moved up the 405 or not.  Instead, Carroll can rot in the relative obscurity of the Pacific Northwest.  However, there is one thing that will keep him linked to Southern California, for a while.  His Assistant Coach who got the DUI is now embroiled in a lawsuit with usc, in which Carroll is being accused of sharing responsibilty for his Assistant’s reprehensible behavior.

Not a good year for Pete — There was the SCandal with his co-ed;  Almost losing Stafon Johnson possibly due to poor supervision by Carroll’s staff;  Blasting Sanchez like a baby;  Losing the fight against giving a Bushgate depostition;  Corp getting hurt;  Barkley getting hurt;  Corp sucking;  Losing to old buddy Sarkissian;  Barkley sucking;  Rovergate;  Sanchez not completely sucking;  Getting destroyed by Oregon and Stanford;  Losing the fight to get McKnight for the bowl game; And not getting total control of the Seahawks.  Can you say “Bad Karma?”

And speaking of bad karma, ex-trojan Sean Salisbury was on the air today, practically begging for a job at sc.  He apparently wants to be their new Quarterbacks Coach.  Supposedly, he is not deterred by the impending sanctions, and would crawl through glass to get the gig.  And he WOULD BE A PERFECT FIT at Condumb U.  Not only did Salisbury suck as a QB, barely getting a sniff as a back-up in the NFL, but he truly made a name for himself as an announcer at ESPN.  According to multiple sources, Salisbury was at an ESPN party, asking every female who came in if they wanted to see a picture of his baby, and then showing them a photo on his cell phone… OF HIS OWN PENIS!! 

He should definitely bring that phone and photo WITH HIM to his Interview, so he can show them what a big dick he is.  That should get him hired right on the spot.  Once a trojan, always a trojan…  unless you’re Pete Carroll.  Then you’re only a trojan until it’s not cool to be a trojan any more.