Category: News from the Dark Side
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THINGS ARE STARTING TO LOOK UP
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The “heis” the limit for UCLA Football with Neuheisel’s landing, even if Pete Carroll doesn’t fly off with the Falcons, who apparently, without Vick, are way below their sleaze quota Before we start with the so-called comedy, we first send out our best wishes to Bruin Point Guard Darren Collison, who is dealing…
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(BUCK)EYES OF THE TIGERS
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Survivors of Rocky start, LSU pummels Ohio State like side of beef in 38-24 Title Bout TKO: OSU goes ahead 10-0 but can’t dot Tigers’ “i,” leaving #1 LSU BCS Undisputed Champion (but that won’t stop trojans’ Raging Bull) DATELINE: January 8th, 2058 — The u$c trOJans celebrated the 50th Anniversary of…
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A: A hot, stokin’ SLAM, a pot-smokin’ SHAM, and a not-token “BAM!”
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Q: Name the Play of the Day for UCLA, the state of decay of Mayo, O.J., and what Madden did say, aimed M J-D’s way You know it’s a good day when the National Highlights are dominated by Bruins. The #1 highlight-reel play yesterday was supplied by UCLA Guard –…
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ROSE — COLORED CLASSLESS
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SMELROSE PLACE: The trojans’ dirty play and taunting will forever mar Morose Bowl win; Stadium orders 20,000 gallons of disinfectant to eradicate residual layer of SCum From the moment they took the legendary field to the moment they left, the usc trojans were a disgrace to everything Football-Holy that the…
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PETE’S ON EARTH (WOULD KILL TO WIN); FLOYD TO THE WORLD (O.J. IS KING)
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Father Christmas, give us some money, don’t mess around with those silly toys — Wanna hear another Christmas CARROLL? Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all non-trojans. On the occasion of SC (Santa Claus) Day, we thought you would like to be serenaded by Figueroa Trade Tech’s Leaders of the…
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BENGALS, SC “ACADEMICS,” AND BENGALS ARE LICKING THEIR WOUNDS THANKS TO COLLISON, FLAKE, AND PALMER
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Idaho St.’s lowly-touted Bengals can’t SLOW UP Darren Collison, who leads Bruins to 40-point win; Troy can’t SHUT UP John David Booty, who flakes on practice to go to the L.B. Aquarium for “30% of his grade;” and Cinci can’t PUT UP with Carson Palmer, who loses to the lowly Niners,…
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GNARLY DAVIDSON
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Wheels almost come off at Honda Center, but Luc, Russell, and Bruins torque it up to escape 18-point bitch-seat and be 75-63 Davidson-Choppers; Meanwhile, sc gets Irritable Bowl Syndrome, as Rose Bowl says “No, no, no;” and a new Reggie Bush expose says “Ho, ho, ho!” For anyone who’s been paying…
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CLASS DISMISSED (PT. 2)
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We never figured out what happened to the second half of yesterday’s article & photos, so here they are again [The following is the re-creation from damaged memory of the last several paragraphs from last night’s article, plus the accompanying photos. Why this stuff is not appearing on yesterday’s page…
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CLASS DISMISSED
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Football 101 at UCLA will now be taught by someone else, as Karl Dorrell’s axing is the final injury in a tenure derailed by injuries; Luckily for the rabid and impatient fans, cleaning up the Program, competing with dignity, and going to a Bowl every year wasn’t enough The Karl Dorrell…
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MAGICAL JOHNSON SHEDS TROJAN FOR MIRACLE SNATCH, BUT BRUINS LET TOO MANY BALLS SQUIRT AWAY IN 24-7 LOSS
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Impotent Cowan-led Offense (0-11 on 3rd Down) can’t mount another attack to penetrate the end zone against over-rated usc, who fails to cover the UCLA Pointspread for the second year in a row and third time in four years Will usc come to ultimately REGRET this sloppy victory? If the…
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NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND
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Kiddie SCorn: Coliseum Commissioner receives dozens of threatening phone calls from usc fans, including one threatening harm to his “3 little girls;” That caller could be teaching “Negotiation 101” at sc in the Fall, with his phone displayed next to O.J.’s jersey in the Coliseum bleachers Okay, Okay, trOJans —…
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BEUERLEIN-PSYCHOTIC? NOPE, JUST AN EX-RAIDER WHO KNOWS A THUG WHEN HE SEES ONE (KNEE SOMEONE IN THE HEAD)
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CBS Announcer remarks: “USC Thugs!” after LenDale White takes a knee — to an opponent’s head Not that it was a really big secret, but now the SCat is out of the bag: USC has a reputation for being DIRTY, and thanks to CBS Broadcaster and ex-Raider Quarterback Steve Beuerlein, now everyone in…