Category: News from the Dark Side
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SAVAGE BEST
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Led by Coach John Savage, UCLA wins their very FIRST Baseball National Championship, and the school’s Nation-leading 109th NCAA Title UCLA has finally done it — A National Championship in Baseball… and the Bruins made it look easy. UCLA SWEPT through the College World Series, beating Mississippi State twice in…
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DEKIFFINATED
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No Trojan Buzz — The 1st Round of the NFL Draft has UCLA’s Datone Jones going to Green Bay, but not one single trojan gets called, much to the chagrin of Robert Woods and Matt Barkley, the latter of whom might get barely more than a cup of coffee in the League before…
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CYN FOR THE WIN
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From Cooper, Mike to Cooper-Dyke: Classless to Clueless — u$c replaces foul-mouthed loser Michael Cooper with ex-trojan Cynthia Cooper-Dyke, who had previously been busted by the NCAA for PAYING HER PLAYERS. Where could she have possibly learned THAT? U$c Athletic Director Pat Haden was supposed to clean up the cesspool…
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TROJAN GIANTS SLAYED BY ALLEGATIONS OF BEATING WOMEN — THAT’S JACKED UP
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Brain-Ded — It’s a Dedmon’s Party that leaves James Blasczyk in a Pickle and Dewayne Dedmon Walking… away from the team, as u$c suspends the two 7-footers following bar brawls in Spokane that leave several injured, including two women, one with a badly-bloodied lip It looks like the trojan basketball…
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TRAVIS-TY AVERTED
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Even without injured starting Center Travis Wear, the Bruins still dominate u$c, building a 25-point lead and sending the DIRTY trojans down to a demoralizing defeat, 75-59 — the way it SHOULD be The trojans were up to their usual dirty tricks, breaking every rule, climbing on the backs of Bruins, trying…
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POMEE DOESN’T PWN THE PO-PO
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Trojan Tight End Junior Pomee gets busted on 5 FELONY counts including Burglary, Grand Theft and Receiving Stolen Goods As the trojans continue to tumble down the Recruiting Rankings, one of their skill players just tumbled down the ladder of life, as Junior Pomee got arrested last week on five…
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TROJANS FLUSH THE LUSH (AND CRUSH THE RUSH)
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Last Call for Alcohol(ic) and No Call for Rush Call — U$c fires Basketball Coach Kevin “Drunken Altercation” O’Neill right after their best win of the season, and shadily pulls the scholarship offer of a 4-Star Football Recruit 3 days before he’s due for early enrollment Another trojan Coach bites the…
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CHEATING HEART
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Pete the Cheat Carroll cheats Seahawks out of a berth in the NFC Championship, with dubious Coaching decisions that put them in a 27-7 hole, then deprive them of a historic, full-of-heart comeback victory Pete Carroll and his Seattle Seahawks are on vacation right now, after falling dramatically to the Atlanta Falcons,…
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‘BAZZEL TOV — LIKE PASTRAMI AT CANTER’S DELI, UCLA BASKETBALL IS ON A ROLL
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No ham in Muhammad — Hard-working phophet Shabazz Muhammad leads Bruins to profit with sweep over Cal and Stanford, for seven straight wins; Meanwhile, sc loses to Cal at home, and an ex-trojan costs his team a victory in the NFL Playoffs Remember a few weeks ago, when the Bruins…
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MOURNING WOODS
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Not a hard decision — u$c is not excited, as star Receiver Robert Woods chooses to end his trojan career prematurely, while at UCLA star Linebacker Anthony Barr announces that he will come back to Westwood for another session Fans of u$c are freaking out all over the Internet, as their beloved Football team’s historic and…
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SUN STROKE
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Dim-Wittek — Trojans stroke out in Sun Bowl, eclipsed by lowly Georgia Tech 21-7, as sc’s QB of the future Max Wittek burns troy with a pathetic three-Interception performance, including two in the end zone If Max Wittek is to be u$c’s Quarterback for the next three years, Lane Kiffin has some serious work…
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TWO MULES AND SISTER SARAH
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In a week that included a huge, Bazz-powered victory for UCLA Basketball and a Bruin getting his jersey retired by the Lakers, the highlights for me are still: Two trojans making jackasses of themselves on Twitter, and me capturing the beauty of Cheer Squad Sarah 26 times I’m glad I’m on Winter…