Category: News from the Dark Side
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ZEEK PEAKS, GEEKS REEK
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Get Your Zeek On — Howland’s Halftime tweaks deke weak-minded trojan freaks, turning bleak squeaker into something unique: A cheeky 64-50 streak-breaking veectory over u$c, who creaks in meekly with only 15 points in the 2nd Half, with Lazeric “Zeek” Jones’ sneaky blocked shot blowing up Troy like a heat-seeker It’s…
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ANOTHER HUGE (MU)STAIN ON U$C’S RECORD
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It’s a FELONY arrest for ex-trojan QB Mitch Mustain, for SELLING prescription Narcotics — That makes THREE ex-trojans busted just THIS WEEK MUStain couldn’t ABstain? Mitch Mustain, the back-up Quarterback for usc last year — who started only one game in his sc career… and LOST it to a weak Notre…
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SAY IT AIN’T SETO!!!
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The Daily trOJan is reporting that the totally unqualified ex-trojan Rocky Seto will be UCLA’s next Defensive Coordinator — Hopefully, it’s just a SCam to hurt the Bruins’ recruiting, on the eve of National Signing Day Would such a respected bastion of Journalism like the Daily Trojan stoop to such…
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“PERV” GRIFFEN GRABS ANOTHER SACK
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Ex-trojan Everson Griffen gets busted (again) for allegedly driving without a license, running away from Police, and attending (to) the Policeman’s Balls Did Pete Carroll just have the talent to RECOGNIZE this kind of “character” in a recruit, or did he DEVELOP it? Once again, a Carroll-groomed ex-trojan has run afoul…
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JUNK MAYO
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Stamp of disapproval — Yet ANOTHER cheating ex-trojan gets labelled as a Steroid Abuser, as the NBA delivers a $400,000, 10-game suspension to Memphis’ O. J. Mayo, while in a nearby Zip Code, the Titans mark ex-trojan Jeff Fisher “Return to Sender” O.J. Mayo is a Juicer? Well, that explains why he…
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PLEASE DON’T HIRE CARRIER… OF S.C.-LIOSIS
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Neuheisel is reportedly considering ex-trojan Mark Carrier for Defensive Coordinator — What part of “Rivalry” doesn’t Rick understand? To borrow a line from “King of the Hill” — I’M TRYING TO STOP AN OUTBREAK, AND NEUHEISEL IS DRIVING THE MONKEY TO THE AIRPORT!!!!!! And in this case, the “monkey” is…
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MARK SANCHEZ: THE SHERIFF OF SNOTTINGHAM
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The Epickome of Trojan Class: Before getting wiped out of the Playoffs in Picksburgh, ex-trojan Mark Sanchez gets caught on TV picking his nose, and wiping the snot on his back-up, Mark Brunell It’s either Trojan Class, or it’s snot. Not since “Caddyshack” has there been a louder “snot heard ’round…
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UCLA WINS, TROJANS LOSE, SC SPINS, STAFON SUES
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The Blue & Gold beat the Cardinal; The Golden Bears beat the Cardinal & Gold; Haden & Co. beg for Mercy, and Johnson wants some reimburse-y Talk about “Connect Four”… Four things happened yesterday that might be of interest to fans of The Rivalry, starting with the Bruins stringing together their fourth…
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LIVE AND LET DYER
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Auburn survives the SPECTRE of defeat and Cam Newton’s mis-Q’s to snip Oregon 22-19 for the BCS Title, thanks to Michael Dyer’s 134 yards rushing and last-minute heroic stunt For those of you who hate Heisman Trophy winner Cam Newton, take heart — The suspected cheater and thief did more…
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GOING TO “L” IN A H(OWL)ANDBASKET
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“L” Foldo: Lazeric, Lee, Lamb and Lane are Lame, as UCLA Loses Lead, to Log their 4th “L” in a row against $C — It’s time for Howland to change his approach of downplaying the Rivalry At least Lazeric Jones has an excuse: He really was “lame,” with his mangled finger. But Malcolm Lee, Tyler…
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UP THE DOWN STEROID
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Hall of Justice: Admitted cheating trojan Mark McGwire, infamous for getting shots in his ass, gets a shot in the mouth from Hall of Fame voters, who deny his Induction by 348 votes, an even larger amount than last year Roberto Alomar — a guy who spit on an Umpire — got in, but lying,…
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MAYO K.O.
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Flakes on a Plane: Turbulent former trojan O.J. Mayo gets pummelled by a teammate, in flight, after refusing to pay off a gambling debt The first O.J. couldn’t fess up. Now the second one couldn’t PONY up? Once again, an ex-trojan named O.J. has proven that people who lack brains often resort…