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Recent News from the Dark Side

  • VANILLA CHIP AND CHAMPIONSHIP

    An even better “Bruin Day” —  On a day when UCLA Beats sc  19-2 in Baseball, and the Bruin Gymnasts win UCLA’s 115th NCAA Championship, many eyes were focused on Chip Kelly’s Spring Showcase Scrimmage, which instead of the tricky Oregon Offense Kelly is famous for, displayed a lot of plain vanilla football Congratulations to […]

  • MARK BANCHEZ!

    Narc Sanchez — Ex-trojan Quarterback Mark Sanchez gets busted by the NFL for Performance-Enhancing Drugs, so if any team is stupid enough to sign this cheat for next season, he will be banned for the first 4 games.  And guess what — he denies that he did anything wrong The endless parade of trojans and […]

  • CHAMP IS VILLANOVA, MARINOVICH IS VILLAIN OVA N’ OVA

    Villa’ and Toddzilla — Villanova easily wins their 2nd NCAA Basketball Championship in 3 years, right after it was reported that ex-trojan Todd Marinovich had been arrested not once, but twice last month for probation violations, and is still in jail, right now, where he belongs According to legendary u$c Quarterback Todd Marinovich, he did […]

  • THE KNOBS GET ROBBED

    No Prob, No Sob — UCLA squeaks into the NCAA Tournament and will have to play in the (“play-in”) Round of 68, but that’s better than u$c, who shockingly gets snubbed completely That sound you hear is whining, and lots of it, coming from just off the Harbor Freeway on Figueroa Street.  The u$c trojans […]

  • REGALIN’ IN GALEN

    Holiday’s Sweep Number is 34 — With Starting Guard Jaylen Hands out injured, Point Guard Aaron Holiday drops a career-high 34 Points and Shooting Guard Kris Wilkes adds a career-high 22 as UCLA comes back from 10 down to complete a season sweep of u$c with an 83-72 Hands-Down Sweeping Beauty at the Galen Center […]

  • TORONTO TROJAN TRIPLE TRIP-UP TRASHES TEAM IN ALL-STAR TILT

    DeRoze and Fall of Troy — In the final minute of the 2018 NBA All-Star game, Toronto Raptor and ex-trojan DeMar DeRozan misses a Free Throw, throws the ball away for a Turnover, and fails to get the final, potentially game-tying shot off before the buzzer (it was a brick anyway) in a 148-145 loss […]

  • CAN’T SPELL “DOMESTIC ABUSE” WITHOUT U-S-C

    J.L. to ja-il? — Trojan Joseph Lewis, the Nation’s #1 High School Wide Receiver of 2016, is arrested for FELONY Domestic Violence with bail set at $50,000 Well, at least he didn’t murder two people.  Yet another trojan athlete has run afoul of the law in a very serious way.  This time it is Wide […]

  • WELSH CARRIER

    Trojans shot down like dogs — UCLA’s Aircraft Carrier Thomas Welsh carries the Bruins to victory over u$c 82-79, scoring 21 Points including UCLA’s last 5 — a 3-pointer to give them the lead, and 2 Free Throws to go up by 3 with 11 seconds left;  Aaron Holiday (23 Points, 9 Assists, 6 Rebounds, […]

  • SHAKING IT OFF

    Bad news comes in three’s — Not only is UCLA Basketball on a three-game losing streak after losing by three to Oregon, but both NFL teams with three Bruins get eliminated from the Playoffs Bad News Bruins.  I feel like singin’ the Bru’s.  After the Bruins lost last week at home in Pauley Pavilion to […]

  • BARR, ‘BATH, AND BEYOND

    Last-Second SAIL — Minnesota’s Bru-CREW Anthony Barr, Kai Forbath, and Eric Kendricks play crucial ROWS as the Viking Ship stOARms past the Saints into the NFC Championship 29-24, with a final-play, miracle 61-yard Touchdown Pass as time expires;  Meanwhile, time expires on Pittsburgh and ex-trojans Juju Smith-Schuster and Xavier Grimble, thanks to Bruin Myles Jack […]

  • IT’S NOT NICE TO HAVE MET-U

    The Nutcracker (Right in the Sugar Plums) — On a day when Pete Carroll’s Seahawks are eliminated before the Playoffs, Jack Del Rio is fired by the Raiders, and UCLA comes back from 14 down to beat the Huskies by 21, the most dramatic Rivalry news comes when trojan Chimezie Metu punches a Cougar in […]

  • SC SUCKS, 24-7 (…365)

    Cotton Bawl — Trojan fans are crying as their team totally chokes in the Cotton Bowl to Ohio State 24-7; SC managed to score only once, after a muff gifted them the ball at the Buckeye 15-yard line, otherwise, over-rated QB Sam Darnold committed 3 Turnovers including a Pick 6, and allowed himself to be […]

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