Author: ucladavid
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THINGS ARE STARTING TO LOOK UP
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The “heis” the limit for UCLA Football with Neuheisel’s landing, even if Pete Carroll doesn’t fly off with the Falcons, who apparently, without Vick, are way below their sleaze quota Before we start with the so-called comedy, we first send out our best wishes to Bruin Point Guard Darren Collison, who is dealing…
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(BUCK)EYES OF THE TIGERS
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Survivors of Rocky start, LSU pummels Ohio State like side of beef in 38-24 Title Bout TKO: OSU goes ahead 10-0 but can’t dot Tigers’ “i,” leaving #1 LSU BCS Undisputed Champion (but that won’t stop trojans’ Raging Bull) DATELINE: January 8th, 2058 — The u$c trOJans celebrated the 50th Anniversary of…
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A: A hot, stokin’ SLAM, a pot-smokin’ SHAM, and a not-token “BAM!”
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Q: Name the Play of the Day for UCLA, the state of decay of Mayo, O.J., and what Madden did say, aimed M J-D’s way You know it’s a good day when the National Highlights are dominated by Bruins. The #1 highlight-reel play yesterday was supplied by UCLA Guard –…
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RICK’S DA BOMB
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Start spreadin’ the Neu’s: Many Bruin Football fans are feeling better about the Program’s future than ever before; If that’s you too, then it’s time to wear it with pride Neu T-Shirts — Get ’em while they’re hot. Well, not “hot” like “stolen,” but hot like “in demand,” because incoming…
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FRIGID AND SHAMED CARDINAL SHIPPED OUT FROM DOWNTOWN TO PERISH IN PALO ALTO
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Cardinal’s come-from-behind attack peters out, up against Love and friend Shipp, as UCLA uproots and de-flocks the Trees, 76-67 Click. Click. Double-click. Cick, click, click. That clicking sound you just heard was all the humorless Jesus Freaks who actually get offended when some disguting pedophiles are made the butt of a…
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SINGIN’ IN DeWAYNE
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Rick’s Reign begins with Walker-retention; Neu Honeymooners should make sure that Norton stays “Kramden” the Sewer And a-WAAAAY we go: Ricky-baby, you’re the greatest! Did you see KDOC’s “The Honeymooners” Marathon the other night? The Great One, Jackie Gleason, played Bus Driver Ralph Kramden, with Art Carney as Ed Norton,…
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ROSE — COLORED CLASSLESS
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SMELROSE PLACE: The trojans’ dirty play and taunting will forever mar Morose Bowl win; Stadium orders 20,000 gallons of disinfectant to eradicate residual layer of SCum From the moment they took the legendary field to the moment they left, the usc trojans were a disgrace to everything Football-Holy that the…
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FOR YOUR ‘HEIS ONLY (Because “Happy NEU Year” is too obvious)
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New Bruin Head Coach Rick Neuheisel makes it clear at the Press Conference: He only has ‘Heis for U (CLA), and it brings tears to our ‘Heis A Sports discussion, that wasn’t about anyone freshly dead, and it still brought tears to people’s eyes. The overwhelmingly sincere emotion in the…
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LEGALLY BLONDE
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Neuheisel takes the oath to follow the rules, and will try to keep Walker and add Chow; If he does, he’ll go from Legally Blonde to Regally Blonde. New Bruin Football Coach Rick Neuheisel is scheduled to be introduced today at a Press Conference on campus. The New Ruler will start…
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BRUINS HIRE ‘HEIS FOR HIGHER HIGHS
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Historic Day… for UCLA: In a bad omen for sc, Rick Neuheisel becomes Bruin Head Coach on same day that New England completes a perfect season WANTED: Experienced Compliance Officer. The UCLA Football Bruins filled their Head Coaching vacancy yesterday, selecting Bruin grad and Rose Bowl MVP Rick Neuheisel. Athletic Director Dan Guerrero wisely…
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ANOTHER NAILED CARPENTER FAILS TO RESURRECT FOR HOLIDAY COMEBACK
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No Rudy Awakening: Texas overcomes screw-up by Coach’s stepson, by hammering Carpenter and keeping him from becoming the Devils’ Savior in 52-34 Holiday Bowl Crucifixion The Texas Longhorns are no strangers to beating a Pac-10 team in a Bowl Game that contains a one-in-a-million lost-lateral play. A couple of years ago,…
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BE PATIENT
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Bruins fans have less “patients” than Mel Gibson Dream Gynecologist’s clinic in Tel Aviv Where’s the fire? Why is everyone so up in arms about the duration of the search for the new UCLA Football Coach? UCLA Athletic Director Dan Guerrero is taking a lot of heat for his handling…