Month: January 2008
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O.J. GETS SCREWED BY TAMPER-PROOF CHAP
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One-man Velveeta Mafia O.J. Simpson allegedly expands his crime repertoire to include Witness Tampering, but he gets ratted out, so his bail is revoked and he’s bottled up in a Las Vegas cell, possibly until his Kidnapping and Armed Robbery trial in April Just when you start to wonder why…
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EMPTY-RESERVOIR DOGS
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Drowning Dogs — 3-0 Bruins drain Dawgs’ Reservoir, while Reservoir-Tipped Doggs paddle to 0-3 after getting house-broken by WSU Call it The Dog Days of Winter. The Washington Huskies, aka “Dawgs,” are just not what they used to be. After beating UCLA 3 of 4, UW came into Pauley as…
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Once you go SCum, you can’t be our chum
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TraitorNation — If Benedict Norton is poached and scrambles back sunny side up, he’ll have more eggsplaining to do than Lucy Ricardo getting caught by Ricky in a menage a Mertz WE are THIS CLOSE to calling for an all-out boycott. We are also very close to PULLING THE PLUG ON THIS WEBSITE……
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THINGS ARE STARTING TO LOOK UP
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The “heis” the limit for UCLA Football with Neuheisel’s landing, even if Pete Carroll doesn’t fly off with the Falcons, who apparently, without Vick, are way below their sleaze quota Before we start with the so-called comedy, we first send out our best wishes to Bruin Point Guard Darren Collison, who is dealing…
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(BUCK)EYES OF THE TIGERS
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Survivors of Rocky start, LSU pummels Ohio State like side of beef in 38-24 Title Bout TKO: OSU goes ahead 10-0 but can’t dot Tigers’ “i,” leaving #1 LSU BCS Undisputed Champion (but that won’t stop trojans’ Raging Bull) DATELINE: January 8th, 2058 — The u$c trOJans celebrated the 50th Anniversary of…
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A: A hot, stokin’ SLAM, a pot-smokin’ SHAM, and a not-token “BAM!”
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Q: Name the Play of the Day for UCLA, the state of decay of Mayo, O.J., and what Madden did say, aimed M J-D’s way You know it’s a good day when the National Highlights are dominated by Bruins. The #1 highlight-reel play yesterday was supplied by UCLA Guard –…
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RICK’S DA BOMB
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Start spreadin’ the Neu’s: Many Bruin Football fans are feeling better about the Program’s future than ever before; If that’s you too, then it’s time to wear it with pride Neu T-Shirts — Get ’em while they’re hot. Well, not “hot” like “stolen,” but hot like “in demand,” because incoming…
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FRIGID AND SHAMED CARDINAL SHIPPED OUT FROM DOWNTOWN TO PERISH IN PALO ALTO
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Cardinal’s come-from-behind attack peters out, up against Love and friend Shipp, as UCLA uproots and de-flocks the Trees, 76-67 Click. Click. Double-click. Cick, click, click. That clicking sound you just heard was all the humorless Jesus Freaks who actually get offended when some disguting pedophiles are made the butt of a…
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SINGIN’ IN DeWAYNE
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Rick’s Reign begins with Walker-retention; Neu Honeymooners should make sure that Norton stays “Kramden” the Sewer And a-WAAAAY we go: Ricky-baby, you’re the greatest! Did you see KDOC’s “The Honeymooners” Marathon the other night? The Great One, Jackie Gleason, played Bus Driver Ralph Kramden, with Art Carney as Ed Norton,…
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ROSE — COLORED CLASSLESS
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SMELROSE PLACE: The trojans’ dirty play and taunting will forever mar Morose Bowl win; Stadium orders 20,000 gallons of disinfectant to eradicate residual layer of SCum From the moment they took the legendary field to the moment they left, the usc trojans were a disgrace to everything Football-Holy that the…
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FOR YOUR ‘HEIS ONLY (Because “Happy NEU Year” is too obvious)
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New Bruin Head Coach Rick Neuheisel makes it clear at the Press Conference: He only has ‘Heis for U (CLA), and it brings tears to our ‘Heis A Sports discussion, that wasn’t about anyone freshly dead, and it still brought tears to people’s eyes. The overwhelmingly sincere emotion in the…