Got your (front row center) tickets yet? Instead of getting blitzed in the parking lot before the ASU game, come meet the Cheerleaders in the Student Store, for a Natural High that will last through the whole game Yeah, yeah, we know what you’re thinking: “Why can’t we do both?” Okay, sure — We aren’t advocating alcohol or drugs, but, yeah, […]
Rejuvenated Beavers keep it tight for 20 minutes, but DC Power and Big Love turn on and stretch the lead in 2nd half in 85-62 pelting; And this just in: O.J. Mayo’s Dad busted for Dealing Weed (Do you still think the Pot in O.J.’s car belonged to his friend?) On a night where Freshman Kevin Love was announced as […]
Another guilty trojan O.J. gets off: Mayo bends over, but avoids spanking, despite blatantly defying NCAA Rules, and will only have to donate $460 to his favorite charity (The Floyd Foundation for Lying SCumbags?) Does “O.J.” stand for “Obliterate Justice?” First, trOJan Hero O.J. Simpson commits the most serious of all violations and escapes punishment, and now, new trOJan […]
Duck Calls to Love’s cel inspire him to score 26 and get 18 Rebounds, as Bruins make throbbing Oregon go limp in Love’s Homecoming, 80-75 Like the Incredible Hulk, you don’t want to get Kevin Love mad. Love’s Father welcomed the obscene taunts from the Oregon Student Section at The Pit, because he knew that trying to get under […]
Chow on this, trOJans! Why wait until Football Season? Now is the time to start showing your school pride. Have the faith to make a statement to all the trojans out there, who now realize that they are up against a powerhouse combination of Coaches. As a true blue Bruin fan, you are supposed […]
HBO proclaims Bush-Accuser “CREDIBLE,” citing audio tapes, Reggie’s sig on Venetian Receipt, and lack of alternate explanations for all the luxuries enjoyed by Bush and his Stepdad Griffin; Meanwhile, O.J. Mayo’s possible violation is also exposed on TV And the Oscar goes to… …Lloyd Lake. Because if he is lying about all of Reggie Bush’s […]
Neuheisel delivers Mein Man to cure Pu-Pu Offense, leaving Egg F.U. Young on Carroll’s face, and Thai-massaging a Happy Ending out of a long, hard quest that seemed to DRAG-ON forever; And how will the Neu Golden Triad BeatSC? Ancient Chinese Secret! Forget it Pete — It’s Chinatown. Okay, before the letters start pouring in, we are […]
Bruins play as if THEY were the ones with a Weed-stained past, watching their late lead go up in smoke on the way to getting stoned, 72-63 (wasting the euphoric, natural high created by the Spirit Squad’s pre-game meet ‘n greet, and the noticeable absence of the sc Band and Song Girls) We SHOULD start by telling you how horrible the […]
Instead of DENYING bail, O.J.’s Judge just doubles it, while complaining about his “arrogance and ignorance” (“Everyone please rise for Judge Obvious”) Did you know that the the World-reknowned Captian Obvious was married, and that his wife was a District Court Judge in Nevada? Judge Jackie Glass just announced to the World that the #1 […]
TRAITOR HO’S: Lake says that sc knew all about Bush, and Norton tells Bruins to kiss his SCum Tush Take my Norton… Please. They say that when a Bruin defects to usc, he’s a trojan FOR LIFE. WE say it’s more like “TWENTY TO LIFE.” Ken Norton jr. has shunned Rick Neuheisel’s advances, and has decided to […]
Way before it was fashionable, Mork from Ork put a cork in the dork-worshipping, looking up to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar instead Some people are just ahead of their time. Robin Williams was destined to be a Superstar, and it was apparent from the moment he put on a red spacesuit on “Happy Days.” His guest role […]
You get too much, and you get high; Not enough and you’re gonna die, Love gets you high! The Cougars are not happy (Mellen)campers today, after finding out that sometimes, it’s NOT better to have LOVED than to have never Loved at all. Especially if it’s “Man Love.” While the #5 UCLA Bruins were dismantling the #4 WSU […]