Category: News from the Dark Side
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PARIS PAIN PUTS PAULEY, PASADENA PITFALLS INTO PERSPECTIVE
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SacreBlue –UCLA loses in Overtime to lowly Monmouth in Basketball, then loses in the last 3 seconds to underdog Washington State in Football, while u$c Football barely escapes Colorado with a win after trailing by 11 in the second half; Ordinarily I would call this triple-whammy a “tragedy,” but not…
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SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE BLUE-ISH (AMERICAN PRINCESSES)
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Feeling Blue? — For Halloween, the UCLA Dance Team donned blue hair (NOT a reference to the legendary senior citizen season ticket holders in Pauley Pavilion who never stand up and cheer) to root on the Blue and Gold Five years ago for Halloween, the UCLA Cheer Squad girls dressed…
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THE DUDA BITES
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Mark it zero — Ex-trojan Lucas Duda’s wild throw home in the 9th frame costs the Mets the World Series, as the Royals tie it up on Duda’s non-strike, and go on to win Game 5 in 12 innings 7-2, bowling over New York into the gutter 4-1, to become…
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TROJAN’S “JEM” FLOPS, BUT BRUIN GEMS ARE TOPS
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Trojan Completes a Bomb — Highly-decorated u$c film school graduate Jon Chu delivers the biggest box office flop in the history of Universal Pictures, as his live-action movie version of the beloved 80’s cartoon Jem & the Holograms gets “Universally” panned by critics and fans, and finishes FIFTEENTH on its…
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PRO BRUINS PROS, ANTI TROJANS CONS
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A League That We Own — Two UCLA players are instrumental in their NFL Teams’ victories this weekend, while several ex-trojan heroes are goats in their teams’ unexpected losses It’s probably just a coincidence, but after a week where trojan pride was at an all time low, a bunch of…
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TROJANS CAN GO TO HEL…TON
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Clay Nation — After u$c chokes away a 4th quarter lead against Notre Dame due to bad play calling and poor game management, Bruin fans should start a campaign to get woozy Haden to lift Head Coach Clay Helton’s “interim” tag What a fortnight for the trojans. First they lose…
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ALL-AMERICAN HORROR STORY
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Involuntary Stan-slaughter — With UCLA missing 3 All-American level Defenders, Stanford beats the Bruins to a bloody pulp, behind an All-American assault by Running Back Christian McCaffrey, who amasses 369 Total Yards and 4 Touchdowns in a 56-35 massacre It was no contest. For the 8th straight time, Stanford has…
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ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FORCED FIRES (BUT NOT IF YOU GO 3-2)
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Build a better souse trap — Trojans show no sympathy to disease-ridden Sarkisian, firing him on the very day he enters rehab for his alcoholism Sympathy from the Devils? Not quite. Just one day after expressing sorrow and concern for Head trojan Football Coach Steve Sarkisian, U$C Athletic Director Pat…
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LUSH HOUR 2
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Absolut Krusty — Just several weeks after drunkenly humiliating himself and his “school” at a rally, Clown College Coach Steve Sarkisian “allegedly” shows up drunk to practice, is escorted off campus, and forced to take an indefinite leave of absence from his beleaguered u$c Football team After the trojans’ embarrassing…
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sAArk’s 12-POINT PROGRAM
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Sarkiss him goodbye — u$c’s Offense is bottled up, dispensing only 12 points AT HOME against unranked, 17-point underdog Washington, in a 17-12 upset that plasters the loaded 3-2 trojans back out of the polls, as the talent at Sarkisian’s disposal remains un-tapped Someone must be hung over today… Is…
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LOOKING DOWN ON THE CLOWNS
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Revolution #9 — For the moment, #9 UCLA can look down their noses at the Red-nosed Sarkisian and his Red-nosed Clown College trojans, who are the Nation’s Biggest Losers, dropping 13 spots to #19 after getting upset by an unranked Stanford squad; The Bruins also passed Florida State and Alabama…
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LEGS FOOL YOUNG
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Brigham Young is stunned by a double-digit 4th Quarter Comeback, achieved mostly on the legs of Paul Perkins and Nathan Starks (when the Cougars expected the Bruins to pass the ball to catch up), as #10 UCLA nips #19 BYU 24-23; Meanwhile, u$c loses to Stanford to go to 0-1…