Author: ucladavid
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A CASE OF PEDALFILIA
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Ex-trojan Fili Moala gets busted for endangering kids of all ages, by allegedly putting the pedal to the metal while intoxicated Fili-busted? Say it ain’t Mo! Yet another ex-trojan got caught allegedly breaking the law yesterday, when Police nabbed Indianapolis Colt Defensive Tackle Fili Moala for Driving While Intoxicated. Apparently,…
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Did you think only GILLIGAN’S Island had Headhunters?
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Ma-halo Victory: Favored by 21 in Hawaii, usc spears the Warriors by only 13, giving up 36 points and 588 yards despite knocking out Hawaii’s QB with a savage blow to the head The trOJans are still getting away with Murder. Like an old re-run, some things never change. In Honolulu on…
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ARIZONA TRIES TO DEPORT LEINART LIKE HE’S SANCHEZ
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The Cardinals want to say “Adios” to the alienated ex-trojan QB, but all they’re hearing from other teams so far is “No way, Jose” At least no one is asking him to give back his Heisman. It’s been a tough month for former trojan hero and Ballroom Dance Student Matt Leinart. …
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WRITE BETWEEN THE EYES
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Write On! Football Writers right a wrong by erasing from History usc’s ’04 Grantland Rice Trophy, and Matt Leinart may BE History, after getting written off as the Starter in Arizona (for this week, at least) Call it “Writer’s Block.” The Football Writers Association of America is blocking usc from…
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CROCK U. LIKES A HURRICANE
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There’s No One Like U.S.C.: Trojans Can’t Get Enough of ‘Cane reject WR, despite his alleged SERIES of rule violations, including repeatedly blowing off classes, and Pat Haden Can’t Explain what happened to the Winds of Change at his Zoo Where do you go when you are too squirrely for the…
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CATCHMAKER, CATCHMAKER, CATCH ME A CATCH
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SOME RISE, SOME SIT: Despite Prince and Fauria being out injured and Kai Maiava breaking his ankle on the third play, the Bruins catch 4 Touchdown Passes and the attention of 5,500, as a new Tradition of Big Plays is about to raise the Roof at UCLA Playmakers. It takes Playmakers…
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POUNDED, GROUNDED, AND ASTOUNDED
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The NFL crushes Brian Cushing’s Appeal, Lane Kiffin puts Dillon Baxter on the No-Fly List for Hawaii, and Pete Carroll stuns Lawrence Jackson by shipping him off… to Detroit De-NIED… x 3. This week, three different football trojans got bad news, like three slaps in the face: Two because of…
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YOU CAN TAKE THE DOG OUT OF THE FIGHT, BUT YOU CAN’T TAKE THE FIGHT OUT OF THE DOG-FIGHTER
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Heel! — Disgraced ex-trojan Asst. Coach Todd McNair, who once got busted for dog-fighting, refuses to roll over and play dead, as he appeals the NCAA ruling against him The NCAA should reconsider the TV Ban for usc, just because the trojans are showing absolutely NO REMORSE. Yesterday, yet another trojan refused to accept…
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Bush would give back his Heisman IF HE COULD??
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Attention Reggie: YOU CAN!! Just call a Press Conference, admit that you are Guilty, and lateral the trophy to Vince Young According to Pat Haden, a “contrite” Reggie Bush called Haden and said that he feels bad, he wishes he could turn the clock back, and he’d give the Heisman back…
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TROJAN PRETTY-BOYS ARE NOT VIABLE FANTASY OPTIONS
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Put ’em on a calendar, but not on your Fantasy Football team: The experts agree — While Bruin Jones-Drew is a Universal Top 3 pick, ex-trojans Sanchez, Leinart, Bush and the rest are hardly worth drafting Quantity, yes. Quality, no. usc has a ton of players in the NFL right…
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EVERY TROJAN MUST GET STONED
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Tangled up in green: DILLON Baxter gets Suspended by usc Football, allegedly for getting stoned, while another suspected Stoner, Taylor King, gets revived from Suspended Animation by usc Basketball The times, they aren’t a-changin’ — usc still stands for University of Substances, Controlled. And this whole SCandal may be gone…
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A (MARV)RAY OF SUNSHINE, AND AN OPEN BARR, TOO
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After some gloomy years that could drive you to drinking, a few brights stars emerge who can really light it up, and quench your thirst for big plays Cheers! And Bottoms Up. But instead of drinking to drown your sorrows, we are now toasting in celebration — Because the Bruins may just score some…