Dedicated to the HATRED of all things trOJan


Tangled up in green:  DILLON Baxter gets Suspended by usc Football, allegedly for getting stoned, while another suspected Stoner, Taylor King, gets revived from Suspended Animation by usc Basketball

The times, they aren’t a-changin’ — usc still stands for University of Substances, Controlled.  And this whole SCandal may be gone like dust blowin’ in the wind if the trojans have their way.

Officially, usc Star (-to-be) Freshman Running Back Dillon Baxter has been suspended for the trojans’ first game, for violation of team rules.  The first report, from Lane Kiffin, was that Baxter and fellow Freshman Markeith Ambles were late for something.  Then a story appeared saying that Baxter missed a bed check, and Ambles let him in the dorm after curfew.

Then a major media source claimed that Baxter was busted by Campus Security for being under the influence of a controlled substance, at 2:47am, and that the crime scene smelled like marijuana.  Smoking dope?  That’s a little different than just absent-mindedly breaking curfew.  Don’t get me wrong — I am the last person to demonize a teenager for smoking the occasional fattie — However, when a whole team, and whole “trojan nation,” is counting on you, you have the sworn duty to NOT GET CAUGHT. 

It was 2:47 in the morning, and he put himself in a position to get caught by rent-a-cops?  One of the best things about Pot is that it can make the must mundane activities become thrilling.  If it weren’t for Weed, they would have stopped showing Three Stooges reruns a long time ago.  So why couldn’t Baxter just set up his wizard bong in front of his 42″ Plasma (just guessing) from Uncle-Dr. Jerry, microwaved some Hot Pockets, and vegged out while watching a Harold & Kumar DVD, in the privacy of his own dorm room?

Baxter is expected to have immediate impact as an elusive and explosive Running Back, so when Kiffin got the first reports of the incident, he just had the players rolling on the grass (yeah, I said “rolling” and “grass”), and doing other punitive exercises.  That was probably going to be the full extent of the punishment, assuming that the lid could be kept on the story.

But the “crime” report was apparently available online, so when it became evident that the story would come out, Kiffin had to “Haden Up” the punishment for Baxter.  And sadly for Baxter, the first game is in Hawaii.  All that Maui Wowie, and Baxter misses it?  That would really suck.  But Kiffin hasn’t decided yet whether or not Baxter will be allowed to accompany the team to the Islands, so there is still a chance that he’ll be packin’ some Pakalolo — maybe crotchin’ the Chronic — in a few weeks.  He better watch out for Five-0, or the only book he ever gets at usc might be McGarrett saying “Book him, Danno!”

Speaking of people lacking in book smarts, Taylor King (of the Road), who reneged on his ultra-early commitment to UCLA, then got run out of Duke, then quit on /got run out of Villanova, then retired, just transferred to usc.  He will sit out one year, and then have one year of eligibility left for South Central.  He used to be a stud outside shooter, but he never panned out in college, and many theories exist as to what made him suck.

He left Duke for “personal reasons,” but the overwhelming consensus was DRUGS.  Reports had him failing 2 drug tests, and had Coach K disliking King’s cigarette smoking.  If any of this is true, it’s possible that the cigarettes were just to cover up the chronic Chronic use.  Or maybe he just has a really addictive personality.  Or maybe this is all bull, and the poor kid is just clinically Depressed, but not diagnosed yet.

When he left Villanova, it was believed that he broke team rules (do they have a rule against bogarting a joint?), but no official statement was ever released.  Instead, King, who had a reputation for partying, announced that he was retiring from Basketball to concentrate on earning his degree.

To show you just how much Education means to King, he was quoted as saying that usc’s academics were off the charts, that they blew away Villanova’s and Duke’s,  and that there was no comparison.  He should have added something about the INTEGRITY of usc’s Athletic Program while he was in this stupor.

Speaking of stupors, when King was questioned yesterday about the suspicious circumstances surrounding his premature departures, he pulled a Mark McGwire.  He REFUSED to talk about the Past.  And just like with McGwire, everyone knew that his refusal to discuss the past was tantamount to an admission of guilt… which is exactly what came from McGwire, years later.  Maybe one day, Taylor King will come clean too.  In the meantime, he’s a trojan. 

usc is becoming the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Drug Rehab Center clearinghouse.  If you don’t want your urine analyzed, and you don’t want to admit your past crimes, come Fight On with usc.  Just try to NOT get caught by the ONE Security lackey who can’t be bought.

"EVERY TROJAN MUST GET STONED" was published on August 12th, 2010 and is listed in News from the Dark Side.

Comments on "EVERY TROJAN MUST GET STONED": 2 Comments

  1. BW wrote,

    When did Taylor King attend Vanderbilt?

    [T-H’s Note: Oops. Thanks. Obviously, I meant Villanova, not Vanderbilt. Thank you again — At least I know someone still reads the articles.]

  2. Fast freddie wrote,

    Good stuff, keep it up.

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