Category: News from the Dark Side
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“JUICE CABOOSE-NOOSE, DEUCE,” NOT LOOSE IN VE-GOOSE
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No truce, as Court TV Reporters spruce up with mousse: O.J.’s ass is still in a sling, again, as the trojan hero has been ordered to stand trial in Las Vegas for Armed Robbery and Kidnapping As expected by legal experts but not by us, usc’s Favorite Son O.J. Simpson…
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BUSH 86’S WRONG AGENT
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Two days after his wannabe Agent spills Bush’s Baked Beans to the NCAA, Reggie says “Nein, nein!” to his CHIEF Marketing Rep. First it was Vince Young who stole his thunder, now it’s Adrian Peterson. In response to the annointing of Rookie Sensation Adrian Peterson as the new official Media…
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In-line SCating
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Double JeoParty: The Juice oozes back into Court today for the ultimate “do-over,” two days after overflowing Lake spills toxic evidence all over Bush, but hold the celebration — Trojan Tailbacks are harder to bring down OFF the field than on ODE TO O.J. & REGGIE [Emphasis on underlined syllables] If…
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DIRTY LAUNDRY
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Desperate Peter pulls a Siegfried & Roy, turning Zebras into (SCape)goats, but fails to WISK away Stain-ford, or SHOUT out ALL his rivals’ CHEERs over the turning TIDE It takes unmitigated gall to blame the fall of troy on bad officiating. Enter Pete Carroll. Carroll has apparently filed a formal complaint with the Pac-10…
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CRAZY ‘VICH
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“Yeah, you’re Crazy, ‘Vich, but your luck’s so good you’re on top of it…” — Ex-trojan and repeat-offender Todd Marijuanovich BUCKs the odds and lands a CHERRY Laguna Beach “sentence” after he pleads Guilty to Evading Police and Possession of a Syringe and methamphetamines “THE WICKED (SAND) ‘VICH OF THE…
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REGGIE SUED, REGGIE SUED, REGGIE REGGIE REGGIE REGGIE, REGGIE SUED
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It takes the cake that Lake the Flake will make or break “Mr. Quake, Shake, & Bake,” with a wake at stake, for Pete’s sake If it sounds too good to be true, that’s probably because it is. So don’t get your hopes up yet, but…REGGIE BUSH HAS FINALLY BEEN SUED, for…
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EUGENE REPLACEMENT THERAPY
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The trojans NEED therapy, because there’s no Ducking the fact that they are no longer the Conference’s elite team after Oregon beats them, 24-17 Yeah, yeah, we saw the Bruin game too, but if you want to hear about that, go somewhere else, where they are more than happy to…
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You don’t HAVE to be full of it to be a usc Wide Receiver, but it doesn’t hurt
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Erik Affholter bolts from his Head Coaching job after being accused of running up the score, while alleged Steroid-abuser Johnnie Morton returns to sc and is welcomed back with open veins Even though usc’s Most Famous SCumbag was a Running Back, they also have a long and rich tradition of troubled Wide Receivers,…
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SELF-COPYING PAGE JAMS UP TROY CANNON, AGAIN
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For the second year in a row, Bruin/Chief Jarrad Page snags a Game-Saving Interception against Al Davis’ Oakland trojans Al Davis and Lane Kiffin must be having recurring nightmares about UCLA Defensive Backs. The Owner of the Oakland Raiders and his new Head Coach are both former trojan football coaches, so they…
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RATTLE-SNAKES ON A PLANE
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Like babies with rattles, rattled trojans scream and panic when their plane hits some turbulence on the way to South Bend And you thought they had hit some turbulence ON THE FIELD! To live up to a #1 Preseason Ranking, it takes Courage, and sometimes Heroism. And now you know…
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DEJA VU FOR O.J. 2
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A day after O.J. #1 gets fingered by his pals, O.J. #2 gets ratted out by his teammate, for purposely breaking another teammate’s jaw. The stoolie also says sc executed a Media cover-up to keep it quiet Which b!tch got the itch to snitch? We’ll probably never know, but…
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IT’S ABOUT FLIPPIN’ TIME: 2 MORE ACCOMPLICES FLIP ON O.J.
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Two of Simpson’s partners-in-crime in the armed robbery flip him the bird, by agreeing to roll over on him in Court Karmic Justice Meets Legal Justice? Is O.J. Simpson finally going to prison? There has been a cozy cell waiting for him for over ten years, but now more…