Category: News from the Dark Side
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NETBRIX
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[Amended: 2/12/12, 11:15pm] Bruins don’t “mail it in,” but a stream of cold shooting envelops their efforts to stop 1st Place Cal from recording a Blockbuster 73-63 victory UCLA has no one to blame but themselves. The Bruins shot under 40% from the field, despite TONS of wide open, high-percentage opportunities. Cal’s Defense…
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A REY OF STUNSHINE
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This strike is his third — Ex-trojan Rey Maualuga gets arrested for a 3rd time, after allegedly stunning a bar employee by striking him in the face It’s a THIRD Degree Burn. Former U$C Linebacker Rey Maualuga was busted this week — bringing his personal total up to three arrests — for allegedly…
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GOATS HEAD SOUP-ER BOWL
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Pats and Giants sneak into the big game thanks to two goats: The Raven Kicker who shanks an Overtime-forcing chip shot in the final seconds, and a Niner Returner who coughs up the ball twice, including once in Overtime to set up the game-winning Field Goal Millions of fans in Baltimore…
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PRAY AWAY THE GALEN
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The Rapture — No Divine Intervention needed, as the Bruins Crucify usc In The Beginning, building an 18-point lead by Halftime, and causing a Mass Exodus of troy Disciples while Smiting the trojans 66-47 in the Galen Center Holy Annihilation! No one ever said that the Galen Center was a College Basketball Cathedral, or, God…
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KARMA FOR THE CATS
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[Updated w/1 correction, 1/8/12] Adding insult to insult of injury — Arizona fans start their “U of A” chant while Tyler Lamb is on the floor writhing in agony, and UCLA makes them regret it with a painful 65-58 beating “Class” was NOT in session on Thursday night at the Honda…
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Goin’ MO-bile
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WHO is the NFL’s Leading Rusher for 2011? UCLA’s Maurice Jones-Drew, that’s WHO — MoJo, who bounces off would-be tacklers like a PINBALL and was a BARGAIN for the Jags, runs like a MAGIC BUS for 169 yards in the finale to lock up the season’s Rushing Title Extra, extra, read all about it…
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HARBAUGH AND FRISCO TAKE THE GAY OUT OF CARROLL (AND THE NFL TAKES THE GAY — AND PAY — OUT OF CUSHING)
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‘Tis the Season to be Jolly — Pete the Cheat’s Seahawks are barred from the Playoffs by his “What’s Your Deal?” nemesis, while his former trojan (and poster boy for alleged Steroid Abuse) Brian Cushing is fined $10,000 for Decking a QB with a dirty hit to the head Did you hear about the ultra-Conservative, homophobic nutjob who…
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FRED FLINTSTONED
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[UPDATED: 12/7/11, 10:00PM] Get the Fred Out — Yet ANOTHER ex-trojan gets busted for substance abuse, as Fred Davis gets hit with a 4-game suspension by the NFL after failing multiple drug tests And they say that usc doesn’t teach their student-athletes anything of SUBSTANCE. For the umpteenth time, a…
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YOU’VE NEVER SEEN A LINE LIKE THIS
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31 Favors — The Bruins are now a THIRTY-ONE point Underdog to the Ducks in the Pac-12 Championship Game (because when the line opened at 30, a majority still bet on Oregon and gave the points), and it’s the most any team has been favored over UCLA in ANY sport, since Vegas was a sparkle in Bugsy…
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50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR COVER
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Make a new plan, Dan — Neuheisel is Slip Sliding Away, as his Offense can’t score a single point, and his Defense is much worse, giving up 50, by failing to cover anyone all night The Offense gets shut out, yet the Defense was worse than the Offense. What more do you…
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WAY OFF THE MARCUS
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Ex-trOJan Marcus Allen cluelessly wonders if UCLA — who has already clinched the Division — will rest their starters against $C Marcus is in the darkus. What part of the term “Rivalry” doesn’t he understand? With Utah’s loss to Colorado on Friday, the UCLA Bruins have CLINCHED the Pac-12 South…
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TWO TROJAN TURNOVERS TREAT TIM TEBOW TO TOTALLY TASTY TRIUMPH
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Back-to-back blunders by ex-trojans Sanchez and McKnight give all the momentum to the Broncos, as a Tebow-led 95-yard drive in the final minutes is capped by a Tebow game-winning TD run to upset the Jets, 17-13 With the Jets leading the Broncos 10-3 in the 3rd quarter, all New York…