Author: ucladavid
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UNASSISTED SEAU-CIDE
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Ex-trojan Junior Seau gets arrested for battering his girlfriend, then batters himself by driving off a cliff; He claims that he fell asleep at the wheel, but wouldn’t most people be amped up and UNABLE to sleep after getting busted for spousal abuse? What is it with trojans and denial? …
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LOVE AT FIRST BYE
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Best Bye: As the Bruins bye time before probably bye-ing the farm in Niketown, put on your bye-focals and enjoy this bye-nary tribute to some UCLA beauties, many of whom you said good-bye to last year The hurting UCLA Bruin Football Team gets to take this week off, enabling them…
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THE NUMBER OF THE FLEECED
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Unlucky #7 John Elway is bedeviled by a hellish Ponzi scheme, to the tune of $15 Million — Aren’t Stanford grads supposed to be smart? On a day that was celebrated for being the ultra-Wise John Wooden’s 100th Birthday, another John was exposed as being a little less wise. Apparently,…
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GIMME RED UNTIL I’M DEAD
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Get the RED out: Don’t rub your eyes — It’s not Tommy Trojan’s — It’s just the pride and joy of a normal guy who likes to go Redding Out To The Highway I don’t like red. I almost never WEAR red, and I don’t buy red cars. In fact, when the Angels switched their…
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LUCK YOU (AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON)
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The trojans are Lucked Up Beyond All Recognition, after Stanford’s Andrew Luck saddles them with their second straight last-second photo-finish loss Yeah, I know: UCLA sucks much worse than usc does, and usc is going to kill the Bruins in December. UCLA got absolutely destroyed by Cal on Saturday, 35-7…
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GIANTS VETO ZITO
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San Francisco burns used trojan: Bedeviled ex-trojan Barry Zito is banished from Playoff Roster, thanks to hellish 6.66 ERA of late The 2010 Major League Baseball Playoffs got underway yesterday, as Bruin Chase Utley knocked in the first run of the Postseason, and the Giants knocked out the first trojan. The Phillies…
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PANTHERS JUNK DRUNK TROJAN PUNK
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Who woulda thunk it? Unless the reports are bunk, ex-trojan hunk Dwayne Jarrett is in a funk, and his career could be sunk, after his SECOND D.W.I., and his release by Carolina Has Dwayne Jarrett ever NOT been impaired? As a trojan, Jarrett stupidly and selfishly violated rules by accepting the…
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RUSHING (UN)DRESSING
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UCLA tossed the Cougars’ salad with 437 yards on the ground, but fans wonder: Will it lettuce bowl over the upcoming diet of heartier foes, or are we about to crash into a low-Cal iceberg? It’s time to find out if cool-as-a-cucumber Norm Chow is truly earning his healthy celery You can’t rush…
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BRUINS GET STOKED WHILE BEHIND, TROJANS GET FOLKED FROM BEHIND (AGAIN)
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With Honorary Captain and trojan-killer J.J. Stokes on hand, UCLA snaps out of a lull to come back and beat WSU, and afterwards watch usc lose to UW on a last-second, Erik Folk Field Goal (for the second year in a row) Not…
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AFTER DUMPING TEXAS, PRINCE GETS STUCK WITH ALAMO-KNEE
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Despite hearing his knee pop in Texas, Kevin Prince stayed in and led the Bruins to bliss, but he hasn’t practiced since — Do you hope Neuheisel is still married to the idea of starting a rusty QB? I do It’s time to pop the question: QB, or not QB —…
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BORN-AGAIN BURN ‘HORNS AGAIN
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“To err is human; To Ayers is Divine” Pistol Cathedral: Re-born Bruins play like they’re on a Mission, forcing revenge-minded Texas to be generous, Rushing all over them, and ultimately nailing them, 34-12 Call it a “Miracle on 34th Street.” 34 Points, against the Nation’s #1 Rushing Defense, almost entirely…
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“THIS WAS NOT A VOTING ACCIDENT!” [WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER VOTE]
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Joe Bruin needs your vote in the Capital One Mascot Challenge, to avoid the Jaws of defeat, and to harpoon 15,000 clams for the UCLA Spirit Squad Have you ever wanted to support a good cause, but didn’t have any extra money? Well, here’s an opportunity for you to help your…