Dedicated to the HATRED of all things trOJan


Ex-trojan Junior Seau gets arrested for battering his girlfriend, then batters himself by driving off a cliff;  He claims that he fell asleep at the wheel, but wouldn’t most people be amped up and UNABLE to sleep after getting busted for spousal abuse?

What is it with trojans and denial?  They can’t even admit when they try to off themselves? 

If you got in a huge fight with your woman, beat her up, then got put in jail, wouldn’t you be just a little too agitated to sleep?  Wouldn’t it be more likely that you would be mad at the whole world, or severely depressed, and just want it ALL to GO AWAY?

Apparently, Seau-cide is NOT painless.  After getting released from the Greybar Hotel, Junior Seau notched another Junior Achievement, when he got into his Cadillac Escalade, and drove it off a Carlsbad cliff, A HUNDRED FEET down to the beach.  I know that beach parking is hard to find, but isn’t cliffdiving a little extreme of a solution? 

If Seau were paralyzed or killed, I promise that I would NOT be writing this, but Seau, being the uber-tough s.o.b. that he is, suffered only minor injuries, which makes this incident fair game.  Also, if he had ADMITTED that he was suffering from serious clinical depression and suicidal tendencies, I might have had more sympathy.  But Seau insists that he just fell asleep at the wheel, and that the “accident” had NOTHING to do with the fact that his bruised up live-in girlfriend just called the cops on him.  This explanation seems so bogus, that it screamed for alternate theories.

Seau’s camp will point to SKIDMARKS as the evidence that backs up his fairytale-like story.  But isn’t it more likely that Seau pointed his SUV at the cliff, gunned the accelerator, and then CHICKENED OUT?  Everyone knows that Wife-beaters are nothing but COWARDS.  If he were asleep, he wouldn’t have woken up until he went over the embankment, well AFTER the skidmarks were made.  But if he just wussed out, the skidmarks would be exactly where they are.  I can almost hear him screaming “I want to LIVE!” as he jammed on his brakes.

Another factor may have been Steroids.  Seau played in the NFL way, WAY past his prime, so it’s quite possible that he was doing the classic usc/Cushing/Ting thing to stay strong enough to compete, despite his advanced age and diminished talent level.  And everyone knows that Juicing messes with your mind, causing ‘roid rage that leads to crimes such as Road Rage, not to mention Wife-Beating.  Maybe he should blame the drugs, as a legal defense designed to evoke sympathy for poor Seau, who could claim to be the innocent victim in all of this.  Maybe he should sue usc for getting him started on that path in the first place.

Seau was never able to legitimately defend himself in his previous newsmaking transgressions.  The Sports World still knows of Seau as a raging bigot and homophobe, after insulting Blacks and Gays with his outlandish remarks.  He once said that the only way to stop (Black) Running Back LaDainian Tomlinson was to put some fried chicken and watermelon in front of him.  On another occasion, he was talking about the love he had for his teammates, before quickly clarifying that despite that man-love, he wasn’t a “faggot.”  Or did he say “homo?”  It really doesn’t matter — Either way, it was textbook Gay-bashing.  Of course he got away with it, remaining as a mega-popular Football Hero and Restauranteur in San Diego.

The Gay community may even see this latest chain of events as KARMA.  Diss the Gays, go to jail, and then plummet — FABULOUSLY — 100 feet to near-death.  When the trojan machine gets him off of his latest battery charges with nothing more than Community Service, it would be JUSTICE only if he has to serve it at a Gay and Lesbian Center, or maybe by helping Watts youths get an ACTUAL education, to get to a real college, as opposed to the one that unleashed him on society as a dangerous, hate-filled, homophobic racist.  Okay, okay, I am hate-filled too, but that’s where the similarities end.  And my hate is for people who BEAT UP HELPLESS WOMEN, and insult minorities in the National Media, with smiles on their faces.

So how many wealthy trojan alumni have already called Seau’s girlfriend/victim, to bribe her to drop the charges, or threaten to kill her if she doesn’t?  Remember, these are the same people who made threatening phone calls to members of the Coliseum Commission when the trojans almost lost their lease for their “home” stadium in South Central, and the same people who made Rape accusations against players like Mark Sanchez mysteriously go away.  Expect Junior and his gf to reconcile by the end of the month, thanks to her sudden, new-found “Junior Mint.” 

"UNASSISTED SEAU-CIDE" was published on October 19th, 2010 and is listed in News from the Dark Side.

Comments on "UNASSISTED SEAU-CIDE": 3 Comments

  1. UCLADal wrote,

    He probably ate at his restaurant and felt the best thing to do afterwards was drive off a cliff.

    A 41 year old man beating up a 25 year old woman. What a pathetic punk.

  2. Fast freddie wrote,

    A eyewittness commented that Jr reved up the engine for awhile then drove off the cliff, I doubt he fell asleep.

  3. Andy wrote,

    I love the Bruins. But this is as tasteless a post as it gets. We’re no better than them.

    [T-H’s Note: You come HERE looking for taste? That was your FIRST mistake. But seriously, did you read the whole article? I said that if he had gotten paralyzed or killed, I wouldn’t have published the article. But he didn’t. You know what’s “tasteless?” Seau’s “Watermelon” and “Faggot” comments — Not to mention, idolizing a “role model” who blatantly insults Blacks and Gays. And did you forget about the fact that he had just gotten arrested for BEATING HIS GIRLFRIEND? That’s not too tasteful either. My guess is that you have lost someone to Suicide, so you are overly-sensitive to the subject. And finally, no matter what I write, on a blog that is designed to be over-the-top, “WE” will ALWAYS be “better than them,” when “them” refers to the fans who still worship double-murdering scum like O.J. Simpson, and who think that there is nothing wrong with violating every rule of ethics and fair play, as long as it brings victory on the field.]

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