See-you-later Slater puts the “Special” in “Special Teams,” but not in a “Special Olympics” way.

#18 Matthew “See You Later” Slater is amped, as Special Teams Player of the Week, while Cheerleaders are cramped by Special Ed. Pray-er of the Weak

Okay, before we get started: Please save your letters — We mean no offense to the mentally disabled or to the logically- and scientifically-challeged. If a site dedicated to SATIRE can’t use the phrase “Special Ed.” in jest, or can’t make fun of a Victorian prude without feeling guilty, then what’s the point?

Now, speaking of overly-inhibited, instinct-suppressing, brain-dead freaks, what the Hell is the NFL thinking, coming down on their own Cheerleaders as “distractions?”

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has APPARENTLY banned Cheerleaders from WARMING UP and stretching in front of Visiting locker rooms.

Allegedly, some teams have instructed their Cheer Squads to limber up by the opposing team, causing the enemy players to get distracted and blow off their necessary pre-game routines and preparations.

It’s doubtful to think that these girls doing the splits is enough to make a Player miss his date with the pre-game needle, and even more doubtful to think that a team would send their Cheerleaders on such a mission. After all, the Coaches know that all these Players are Millionaires, who can have basically any Woman they want, whenever they want. They are not 16-year old Internet geeks who will get all flustered and lose focus right before a game.

But in the wake of Bill Belichick getting busted for cheating by stealing signs, Goodell wants to err on the side of caution, and wipe out anything that even smells like cheating.

Besides, if this ultra-controversial Cheerleading “non-story” can take Dog Fighting off the front page for a while, then a little controversy can be a good thing.

Attack the Cheerleaders, Save the World.

And speaking of saving the World, the World of UCLA Football was saved with one 85-yard run last Saturday. With Washington nipping at the Bruins’ heels, Matthew Slater received a Kickoff at the 15-yard line, and took it all the way for a game-deciding Touchdown.

Slater also led the Bruins in Special Teams TACKLES, and thus took home the Pac-10 Special Teams Player of the Week Award. Slater becomes the 3rd honored Bruin already this Season, joining Punter Aaron Perez, who won it for the BYU game, and Ben Olson, who won the Offensive Award for the Stanford game.

If Slater can duplicate the TD run a time or two, maybe opposing teams will start to kick away from him, like they did with Maurice Jones-Drew. That strategy often led to good field position for UCLA.

And speaking of good positions, we firmly believe in our position that Cheerleaders shouldn’t be used as Pawns in Roger Goodell’s little game of Life. So in the support of Cheerleaders across the Nation, here are 4 pre-game photos that would distract us at any time (unless of course we were about to play in a Football game with millions of people watching).