PILLS BURY DOUGHBOY

D’oh!  Rich and (apparently) Flaky ex-trojan Kevin Ellison gets POPPED for Cooking through a School Zone, and ROLLED for having 100 Vicodin

99 Vicodin pills in the car,
99 Vicodin pills.
You take one today, the pain goes away,
98 Vicodin pills in the car.

Wow.  What’s it been — less than THREE WEEKS since the last trojan Drug Bust?

Yesterday, only about 17 days after Brian Cushing got busted for Steroids, another example of how “Character counts” to Pete Carroll raised its ugly head:  His former Safety Kevin Ellison got arrested in Redondo Beach for Possession of a Controlled Substance.  That substance turned out to be the wicked painkiller Vicodin.  [I say “wicked,” because, after being the victim of a failed murder attempt, I was prescribed (Extra Strength) Vicodin to ween me off of a morphine drip, and the Vicodin just made me feel queasy and “hung over,” without removing the pain the way the morphine always immediately did.] 

Since Ellison is a Pro Football player, you can understand why he might require a little pharmaceutical assistance.  Certainly no harm or shame in that.  But, since he got ARRESTED for his 100 pills, is it possible that a Pharmacy was not involved, and that the only Prescription involved is a prescription for incarceration?

It could be nothing.  A trojan Lawyer will probably “prove” that it was just a clerical error on the amount of allowable refills on the Rx.  On the other hand, maybe Kevin was actually DEALING illegally-obtained narcotics.  That’s what most people will think when they first hear that he had 100 pills on him.  But really, 100 is NOT that many.  If he is supposed to take 4 a day, then 100 is less than a Month’s supply.  Big deal.  I get angry every time I have to renew a prescription, because they should be on much longer-term orders.  Unfortunately, they want more appointments, for more money.

So maybe Kevin just lost his Rx slip, and this is all just a big mix up, for a guy who is in a lot of pain already.  This issue will probably be resolved before his San Diego Chargers play their first Exhibition Game this Fall.  And the SCandal will be nothing new to the Chargers — They already had to deal with their other ex-trojan Junior Seau publicly insulting Gays (with comments about how he would never be a “Homo”) and Blacks (with comments about Fried Chicken and Watermelon). 

The fact that the Cops actually arrested an NFL “celebrity” like Ellison implies that Kevin was truly up to something nefarious.  They know that with his dough, he can afford the best Lawyers, so they aren’t just going to steamroll him into jail, and they also know that the case will be covered by the Media, so they can’t cut any corners or do anything that won’t survive close scrutiny.  And with that all being said:  Ellison’s BAIL is $10,000.

Maybe the Cops were just hard on him because of what he did to get pulled over in the first place, because — DEPENDING ON THE SPEED — what he did is D-bag material.  Apparently, Ellison went speeding through a School Zone.  Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking:  Who DOESN’T top 25mph around a school?  Again:  Big deal.  Who cares about someone doing 40 in a 25, especially if the kids are in class, and not in the street. 

But what if he was doing 70, when kids WERE present?

If he was driving recklessly in front of a school, seriously endangering little kids, then THAT offense is a lot more offensive than pushing pills… Unless of course his whole reason for being in the School Zone in the first place was to sell drugs to school kids.  And even then, I rather my kid TAKE a pain killer than NEED one, so Ellison’s traffic violation MAY be nothing to laugh about.  BESIDES:  It’s possible that Ellison didn’t know what a School Zone was.  He doesn’t have a lot of experience with them.

So, as the NCAA still hasn’t announced what they are going to declare about the Football Factory masquerading as a School, another Pete Carroll product winds up in the Slammer.  At the very least, he broke the rules, just like he was instructed at usc, where rules don’t apply.

Mike Garrett’s Program has recently blessed the World such stellar student-athletes as Reggie “Free House” Bush, O.J. “$1000”  Mayo, Matt “Ballroom Dancing” Leinart, Dwayne “Free Rent” Jarrett, Winnie “Pellet Gun and Skanky Ho” Justice, Eric “X Pills” Wright, Rey Rey “Cheap Shot & DUI” Maualuga, Mark “Vandalism and Alleged Assault” Sanchez, Brian “Roid Rage” Cushing, Wil “DUI” Poole, Frostee “the Ho Man” Rucker,  Clay “White Power” Matthews, Lil “Package Deal” Romeo, and Joe “Free SUV” McKnight.  But the NCAA isn’t sure there’s a problem?  Maybe they are the ones who need some pills.  Hopefully, they will do the right thing, and it’ll be Garrett craving Vicodins to ease the pain.

LOST in the smoke of Ellison getting burned was Orlando turning the heat up a tiny bit on Boston, by taking Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals.  Since the BOSTON Red Sox are the only Baseball Team to overcome an 0-3 Series deficit, maybe the BOSTON Celtics can be the first Basketball team to BLOW a 3-0 Series lead.

Just like Amar’e Stoudemire woke up for Phoenix (in their Game 3), Orlando’s Dwight Howard stepped way up for the Magic.  Howard scored 32, got 16 Boards, and Blocked 4 Shots, as the Magic led for most of the game.  It didn’t hurt that Celtic Point Guard Rajon Rondo was in foul trouble.  Even so, the Magic had to go to Overtime to win it, 96-92.  Magic Point Guard Jameer Nelson opened the OT with two Three’s — the first one an uncalled bank — and despite two counterattack Three’s by Ray Allen, the Magic hung on for their Playoff lives.  After showing no DESIRE in Game 3, the Magic played inspired in Game 4, coming out with moxie and heart right from the start.   

While Howard and Nelson were the Stars of the Game, Orlando’s Bruin was also a major contributor, who fired up his teammates with his hustle and intensity.  Matt Barnes hit two 1st quarter 3’s to help the Magic get going, he broke up a near-fight between Kevin Garnett and Howard, and then he was the designated Pierce-Stopper down the stretch.  Barnes shut down Celtic star Paul Pierce in crunchtime, as Howard and Nelson pushed the Magic into the win column.  Finally.  And even if Orlando isn’t able to win 3 more and put Boston into the ALL-TIME SPORTS HALL OF SHAME, at least they can tire out the Celtics a little, and soften them up, and keep them from getting too much rest and recreation before they face the Lakers (or Suns) in the Finals.