Red Baron:  All four of these guys are Red in the Face, but for very different reasons.

DREW is shown the Back Door by Faith-less San Francisco;  CHASE takes the Front Door to trojan-less All-Star Game;  DAVIS sees Brand use the Revolving Door to escape Hope-less Clippurgatory;  And LOFA will be the Door Prize for a Freedom-less Cellmate

Lord have Mercy!  That’s more “Doors” than Jim “Backdoor Man” Ladd will play on the night Ray Manzarek knocks on Heaven’s Door.  And that doesn’t count the Trap Door that Lofa Tatupu will want to fall through when he meets his a-Door-able convict bunkmate.

And speaking of alternative lifestyles, the San Francisco Forty-Niners put Bruin QB Drew Olson on Waivers.  One silver lining for Olson is that it has been an ongoing suckfest in Frisco for quite a while now.  Just when everyone thought that they were the up and coming team in the NFL, they went from 7-9 in 2006, to 5-11 last season.  Blame it on key injuries if you like, but the 49er’s are not expected to be serious contenders this year either.  Right now they are 125-1 to win the Super Bowl — In the whole League, only the Dolphins and Falcons are Longer shots, both at 150-1.

Another silver lining for Olson is that the NEXT team that calls him won’t have a very young Franchise QB keeping him on the bench.  Of course, that next team could be the Avengers.  But…

Another silver lining for Olson is a lining that he sewed himself:  Olson is a Never-Say-Die Survivor, and possibly, a slow learner.  He didn’t blossom at UCLA until his Senior year, but blossom he did (and more like Hayden Panettiere than Mayim Bialik).  Therefore, if he can survive 75% of his Pro career as a Journeyman, the last 25% of it could be as an All-Pro.  And his magical 4th quarter comebacks will make people forget about that guy from Stanford.

That guy from Stanford was a Baseball player too, but not nearly as good as Bruin Chase Utley.  And based on the results of the All-Star Voting, the whole country knows how good Chase really is:  The Phillies’ 2nd Baseman was the Top Vote-Getter in the entire National League.

Utley leads the entire Major Leagues in Home Runs with 24, and is 5th in Runs Batted In with 67.  And his .294 average was high enough to make only Alex Rodriguez more popular in the overall balloting (and that’s only because A-Rod is seen  every night kanoodling Kabala Madonna on TMZ).

Two of the more unpopular players in the League this year are ex-trojans Barry Zito and Randy Johnson, especially in their Home cities.  Both of them are pulling down Monster Salaries, but have suffered through terrible slumps.  And using the term “slump” is polite, because although they each just came back to pitch gems, their overall performances for the season are possibly their worst ever, and indicative of  “post-steroid era downfall,” of two older, worn-out players.  OR… perhaps they will both snap out of their funks for extended periods — But it’s too late to make the All-Star Roster, so, once again, there are no trojans invited to the All-Star Game.

And speaking of no All-Stars, Baron Davis just got Royally Duked in the jaw.  When Davis agreed to become a Clipper, he thought that Superstar Elton Brand would be there to help him turn the Franchise around.  Poor Baron just got a lesson in what it means to be a Clipper.  Elton Brand is reportedly about to sign a 5-year, $82 Million contract with the Philadelphia 76er’s.  The Clippers were offering 5 years for $75 Million, but Brand probably didn’t leave for the extra 10%.  He probably left just to avoid being part of the franchise any more.

The Clippers’ other Superstar Free Agent, Corey Maggette, also signed with another team.  And just to rub salt in Davis’ wounds, that team is the team that Davis just left, the Golden State Warriors.  Maybe Baron likes being “The Main Man.”  He always has been, on every team that he’s ever played for.  If that’s what makes him happy, great, but it would have been nice to see him on a contender, instead of imprisoned in NBA Hell.

And speaking of imprisoned in Hell, ex-(2nd-generation)-trojan Lofa Tatupu finally gave up on his alleged attempts to prove his innocence in his DUI case.  It had been reported previously that despite blowing two very high brethalyzer tests, Tatupu tried the typical trojan-in-trouble (think Trutanich) strategy, of pleading “Not Guilty.” 

But yesterday, Tatupu admitted his guilt, and took his medicine.  That medicine-y taste in his mouth right now is NOT coming from the $1,255 fine;  It’s coming from the 24 hours that he has to spend IN JAIL.  Of course, a big guy like that probably doesn’t have anything to worry about, like a bad taste in his mouth, and he probably doesn’t even need to hit the showers, since he’s there for only one day. 

On the other hand, they don’t want to show him any favoritism on account of his celebrity, and some of the baddest cons might find him “challenging,” so who knows what will happen.  The only thing that’s certain:  Drinking and trojans and driving don’t mix.

And now, because of the increased reponse to yesterday’s pictorial, and because there were no idiotic comments, here are 5 more UCLA Dance Team “portraits.”  Hey — They are “Fine Art” to me! 

The Girls themselves probably HATE the idea of a Spirit “competition” between UCLA and Oregon, or anyone else.

   Is that a laminated Backstage Pass?

Whatever happened to the over-the-top Brianna Fan Club?  Are they gone, or just being respectful?

Sometimes, the best tonic is Chronic, but other times, it’s just Gin ‘n Tonic.

Just remember Kids:  A trojan drinking and driving is no laughing matter.  And Stay in School (a REAL school).