Noah’s nArk

Cop on a lArk makes “Toke-kim” his mArk, for failing to hArk laws pathetically Ark(-aic), against “Heineken-dArk-ing” and “Wacky Weed-spArking” (that could pArk “Smokim” in a stArk, grey cell for a 6-month spell — which is a lot longer than 40 days and 40 nights)

Joakim should have just said “No-ah.”

Former Florida Gator and two-time Bruin Nemesis Joakim Noah just opened the floodgates in terms of explanations for his eccentric behavior over the last few years:  Allegedly, he’s “on the Pot.”  Noah really needs to get his ship together now, after Police in Gainesville yesterday charged him with drug possession, which might get him caged up like a pair of animals, for up to half a year.  Florida may have Disney and Universal theme parks, but it ain’t California.

For the second time in two days, we find ourselves DEFENDING an “enemy,” because not only is it absurd that someone in this day and age can face jail time for having a little Weed, but the WAY he got caught was pretty lame, too.

Of course, we can’t defend being ignorant of the laws, even if the laws are stupid:  Apparently, at 1:50am, a Cop spotted Noah on a sidewalk holding (not DRINKING, just “holding”) a plastic cup that contained an “amber drink,” which is against the law.  It is considered on “open container” violation.  WTF?  Haven’t they ever heard of “O’Doul’s?”  What if it was non-alcoholic Beer?  Then wouldn’t arresting him be a violation of his rights?   Not when you’re in Gainesville (remember Sheriff J.W. Pepper from “Live and Let Die,” which is on Spike as I write this )?  But, as a celebrity and “NBA role model,” Noah has GOT to be aware of what can get him busted.

So they arrest Noah, and when they search him, they find some Marijuana in his pocket.  He’s a big guy, with deep pockets, but how much Bubba Kush could he have possibly had in his pocket?  It couldn’t have been enough for “distribution,” so that means that even though he was NOT behind the wheel, he still faces six months behind bars, for carrying a cup of Bud, and a quarter-ounce of bud?  Meanwhile, O.J. walks the streets.

Noah is on the Chicago Bulls now, and he has had trouble jelling with his teammates.  At one point, the team voted him out of a game in response to some meltdown he had.   Can you say “mood swings?”  And we always thought that it was his Tennis Star Dad YANNICK Noah who liked to play on GRASS.  Or maybe Joakim JUST took up smoking — BECAUSE of his anti-social behavior and arrogant antics — and is much more mellow now.  But more likely, he’s a long-time druggie — Allegedly, he called the 2006 UCLA Dance Team “ugly,” which means that two years ago, he was taking heavy hallucinogens.

It’s too bad that the NCAA does not re-award vacated Titles, because if Noah got embroiled in some sort of International Drug Ring Scandal and was declared ineligible to have ever played at Florida, the Bruins would be the REAL 2006 National Champions.

And speaking of SCandals, here are 11 more photos of the sc song girls — in bikinis — to prove that the complaining sc fans are out of their minds.  And, like yesterday, we must insist that before you claim that an occasional behind is not as perfect as it could be — bad lighting, bad angles, and the camera can add 10 pounds, and in person, all these girls looked fit, firm, and fabulous.  We apologize if any of them feel like these shots don’t do them justice — We are honestly trying to pick the photos that most of our “target” audience (that is:  “Healthy” red-blooded fraternity guys, and still-healthy, red-blooded Male Alumni) will ENJOY — not ones that they would find unappealing.