Author: ucladavid
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DON’T MONKEY WITH THE OREGON GRINDER
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Duck Calls to Love’s cel inspire him to score 26 and get 18 Rebounds, as Bruins make throbbing Oregon go limp in Love’s Homecoming, 80-75 Like the Incredible Hulk, you don’t want to get Kevin Love mad. Love’s Father welcomed the obscene taunts from the Oregon Student Section at The Pit, because he knew…
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START SPREADIN’ THE NEU’S
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Chow on this, trOJans! Why wait until Football Season? Now is the time to start showing your school pride. Have the faith to make a statement to all the trojans out there, who now realize that they are up against a powerhouse combination of Coaches. As a true blue…
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SIGNING FOR BUSH IN VEGAS
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HBO proclaims Bush-Accuser “CREDIBLE,” citing audio tapes, Reggie’s sig on Venetian Receipt, and lack of alternate explanations for all the luxuries enjoyed by Bush and his Stepdad Griffin; Meanwhile, O.J. Mayo’s possible violation is also exposed on TV And the Oscar goes to… …Lloyd Lake. Because if he is lying…
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MOO GOO GAI PANACEA: BRUIN STAFF GETS CHOWED
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Neuheisel delivers Mein Man to cure Pu-Pu Offense, leaving Egg F.U. Young on Carroll’s face, and Thai-massaging a Happy Ending out of a long, hard quest that seemed to DRAG-ON forever; And how will the Neu Golden Triad BeatSC? Ancient Chinese Secret! Forget it Pete — It’s Chinatown. Okay, before the letters…
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WRITE IT OFF TO A MAYOJUANA CONTACT HIGH
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Bruins play as if THEY were the ones with a Weed-stained past, watching their late lead go up in smoke on the way to getting stoned, 72-63 (wasting the euphoric, natural high created by the Spirit Squad’s pre-game meet ‘n greet, and the noticeable absence of the sc Band and Song Girls) We SHOULD start by…
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LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS (AND YOUR MEMORABILIA) — JUDGE JACKIE RELEASES JUICE PREMATURELY
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Instead of DENYING bail, O.J.’s Judge just doubles it, while complaining about his “arrogance and ignorance” (“Everyone please rise for Judge Obvious”) Did you know that the the World-reknowned Captian Obvious was married, and that his wife was a District Court Judge in Nevada? Judge Jackie Glass just announced to…
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trOJans fingered For Unlawful Carroll Knowledge
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TRAITOR HO’S: Lake says that sc knew all about Bush, and Norton tells Bruins to kiss his SCum Tush Take my Norton… Please. They say that when a Bruin defects to usc, he’s a trojan FOR LIFE. WE say it’s more like “TWENTY TO LIFE.” Ken Norton jr. has shunned Rick Neuheisel’s…
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ROBIN WILLIAMS DENOUNCES O.J. AND HIS DISCIPLES… 30 YEARS AGO
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Way before it was fashionable, Mork from Ork put a cork in the dork-worshipping, looking up to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar instead Some people are just ahead of their time. Robin Williams was destined to be a Superstar, and it was apparent from the moment he put on a red spacesuit on…
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SWEEP: LOVE IS LIKE OX AGAIN
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You get too much, and you get high; Not enough and you’re gonna die, Love gets you high! The Cougars are not happy (Mellen)campers today, after finding out that sometimes, it’s NOT better to have LOVED than to have never Loved at all. Especially if it’s “Man Love.” While the #5 UCLA Bruins…
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O.J. GETS SCREWED BY TAMPER-PROOF CHAP
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One-man Velveeta Mafia O.J. Simpson allegedly expands his crime repertoire to include Witness Tampering, but he gets ratted out, so his bail is revoked and he’s bottled up in a Las Vegas cell, possibly until his Kidnapping and Armed Robbery trial in April Just when you start to wonder why…
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EMPTY-RESERVOIR DOGS
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Drowning Dogs — 3-0 Bruins drain Dawgs’ Reservoir, while Reservoir-Tipped Doggs paddle to 0-3 after getting house-broken by WSU Call it The Dog Days of Winter. The Washington Huskies, aka “Dawgs,” are just not what they used to be. After beating UCLA 3 of 4, UW came into Pauley as…
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Once you go SCum, you can’t be our chum
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TraitorNation — If Benedict Norton is poached and scrambles back sunny side up, he’ll have more eggsplaining to do than Lucy Ricardo getting caught by Ricky in a menage a Mertz WE are THIS CLOSE to calling for an all-out boycott. We are also very close to PULLING THE PLUG ON THIS WEBSITE……