Pete the Cheat Carroll cheats Seahawks out of a berth in the NFC Championship, with dubious Coaching decisions that put them in a 27-7 hole, then deprive them of a historic, full-of-heart comeback victory
Pete Carroll and his Seattle Seahawks are on vacation right now, after falling dramatically to the Atlanta Falcons, 30-28 on Sunday. The Seahawk players showed amazing heart, valiantly fighting all the way back from a 20-0 halftime deficit, and a 27-7 3rd quarter deficit, to actually take a 28-27 lead with 31 seconds left. But the reason they were in such trouble — Carroll’s horrible Coaching — came back to bite them again in the final half-minute, allowing the Falcons to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
It all started with the Seahawks once again being unprepared emotionally coming out of the gate. The prior week, the Seahawks looked like deer in the headlights, when they were in Washington, and the Redskins immediately jumped out to a 14-0 lead. This week, the Seahawks came out totally flat again, getting pummelled for the entire first quarter. Obviously, Carroll has lost his ability to fire up his troops before games. Apparently, his fake-suicide tricks that he employed at u$c don’t work on NFL players. I was gonna say “on Pro’s,” but based on all the evidence that the trojans worked on a “pay-for-play” basis, they WERE Pro’s.
After the shock of being in this big game finally wore off, the Seahawks finally started to move the ball. But in the 2nd quarter, they came up against a 3rd and 1 in the Red Zone. For some reason, star Running Back Marshawn Lynch was on the sidelines, but Carroll’s team ran up the middle with the back-up RB for no gain. Despite the Falcon D-Line having asserted control of the line of scrimmage, greedy Carroll decided to blow off a Field Goal attempt, and go for it on 4th and 1. This time, Lynch was in the backfield, but Carroll’s Offense gave the ball to the upback, and he got stuffed behind the line of scrimmage.
Then at the end of the first half, the Seahawks were back in the Red Zone, desperately needing to put some points on the board. But horrible time management led to Carroll using his final time out. Then QB Russell Wilson got sacked — you would have thought his Coach would have told him to throw the ball away if he was pressured — and time expired in the half.
That’s at least six points that Carroll and the Seahawks pissed away due to questionable Coaching. And as you can tell by the final 2-point margin, you know how important those six points were.
The one thing Carroll DID do right was that he kept his players from quitting. The Seahawks came on strong in the second half, as Atlanta choked away their 20-point lead. The Falcons Defense was atrocious, going into some sort of Prevent scheme that allowed Seattle to march down the field repeatedly. Even with Lynch being a non-factor, Wilson was gaining yards in bunches, with his legs and moreso with his arm.
The Seahawks took the lead on a short Lynch TD run, but they left 31 seconds on the clock for Atlanta to put together a last-ditch effort for a miracle win. If they couldn’t, Seattle would complete the BIGGEST COMEBACK VICTORY IN NFL PLAYOFF HISTORY. It looked like it was over — After all, how could the Falcons possibly get into Field Goal range in 31 seconds against a Defensive Genius like Carroll?
On 1st Down, QB Matt “Matty Ice” Ryan hit Harry Douglas on a 22-yard pass. Then on the next play, he hit Tony Gonzalez over the middle for 19 yards, all the way down to the 32 yard line. The Falcons then called their last time out, with 13 seconds left. Then, instead of throwing a quick out to gain a few more yards and use up a little more clock, Atlanta Head Coach Mike Smith made a Carroll-like call, and decided to go for the 49-yard Field Goal right then. Then right as the ball was about to be snapped, Carroll himself called a time out to ice kicker Matt Bryant. As is always the case in this situation, the ball was still snapped, and the non-counting kick was attempted… and Bryant MISSED IT wide right! So if Carroll hadn’t used the icing time out, Seattle would have won.
Right after that moment, Carroll went ballistic on the sidelines. It appeared that he was claiming that he didn’t call time out, which of course was ludicrous, because he was on camera clearly calling the time out. But as it turns out, he was crying over something even more ludicrous: he was mad that the Officials allowed Bryant to get in a “practice” kick. Hasn’t Carroll ever seen another close game where a kicker is iced? This practice kick happens every time, and no one ever complains. But Carroll is a one of a kind douche, so he complained anyway. Then Bryant proceeded to nail the SECOND try right down the middle — thanks to his practice kick — and the Falcons were back on top.
By losing his cool over the practice kick instead of keeping his players positive and focused, Carroll continued to doom his own team. Because thanks to the Falcons still seemingly trying to give the game away, the contest was still not close to being over. On the ensuing kickoff, the Falcons didn’t want dynamic Kick Returner Leon Washington to touch the ball, so they decided to try a squib kick. Unfortunately for Atlanta, the squib kick was SO poorly executed, that it looked like an onside kick. A Seahawk on the front line knocked it down, and Seattle took over near midfield with 8 seconds on the clock. They threw a quick out to gain 6 yards, leaving 6 seconds on the clock. That meant that they had time for another quick pass that would have put the Seahawks in Field Goal position. But Carroll inexplicably opted for the Hail Mary, which Atlanta Receiver Julio Jones snatched out of the air for a game-ending Interception.
So ended Carroll’s 2012-13 campaign in Seattle, wasting the immense Offensive and Defensive talents of his squad, losing to a choking team who had never won a playoff game under their current regime, losing all three times out. It took Carroll’s bad Coaching to finally make a playoff winner out of Ryan, Gonzalez, and Smith.
It’s not that easy when you can’t pay for Pro’s to play against amateurs, or pump your players full of performance-enhancing steroids to gain an advantage. Oh, wait — the Seahawks DID have palyers suspended for juicing this year, so maybe Carroll’s bad habits are tough to break, but just like at sc, the record books show that the cheater didn’t prosper.
The only downside is that now Carroll doesn’t get to go to San Francisco and have his ass handed to him by his nemesis Jim “What’s YOUR Deal” Harbaugh, who taught Carroll a lesson while Harbaugh was the Head Coach of Stanford. Instead, Harbaugh and the Niners head to Atlanta for what should be an epic NFC Title game, while Carroll watches from his living room, probably yelling “Time Out” at his TV.
To celebrate getting to watch the Falcons delete Pete the Cheat from the Elite, here are 18 photos of the UCLA Cheer Squad, and to celebrate Argo triumphing at the Golden Globes, all 18 shots feature golden-haired Kirsten, a box office hit for the ages.