You don’t HAVE to be full of it to be a usc Wide Receiver, but it doesn’t hurt

Erik Affholter bolts from his Head Coaching job after being accused of running up the score, while alleged Steroid-abuser Johnnie Morton returns to sc and is welcomed back with open veins

Even though usc’s Most Famous SCumbag was a Running Back, they also have a long and rich tradition of troubled Wide Receivers, that has seen the smarmy likes of Lynn Swann, Keyshawn Johnson, R Jay Soward, Mike Williams, Dwayne Jarrett and Steve Smith.  Every single one of those guys has got into some sort of ugliness.  Are you wondering about Lynn Swann, who’s so squeaky-clean that he just ran (and lost) for Office?  Well, what could be more ugly than Politics?  Too bad Swann got whipped — He was born with a phony smile that’s tailor-made for Capitol Hill.

Swann also exuded that trojan arrogance that O.J. had just made popular, and set the precedent for one of the least-humble athletes ever, Keyshawn Johnson. 

And Keyshawn isn’t JUST an egomaniac, he’s also an accused (attempted) Murderer.  Someone swore to Police that KJ hired a Hitman to kill his ex-Wife’s boyfriend, or maybe it was to kill the ex herself.  No punishment — and no justice — was ever handed out in the case.

The other four above-mentioned sc Receivers have all been struggling, and none of them are living up to their vast potential.  Smith, who broke teammate Dominique Byrd’s jaw over a video football game gambling debt, is coming off an injury himself (karma?), so he’s had to watch as the Giants have become the 2nd-best team in the NFC without him.  Williams was dumped by the lowly Detroit Lions, and picked up by the even lowlier Raiders, who have become Al Davis’ personal clearinghouse for used trojans.  Williams was widely criticized for his horrible work ethic in Detroit, so it shouldn’t be an issue in Oakland, where no one is really working all that hard for new Coach Lane Kiffin.  And Soward has never panned out as a Pro, suffering injuries, and running afoul of the authorities.

But one of the biggest jokes from the sc Receiving Corps is Johnnie Morton.  After a respectable career with the Kansas City Chiefs, he threw it all away by allegedly pumping up with Steroids, and joining the Ultimate Fighting League.  He had one fight, got knocked out in the first minute, and then REFUSED to take the Drug Test that he KNEW in advance that he would need to take after the fight.  So not only did he make a fool of himself on National Pay Per Veiw TV, IN the ring, but he also disgraced himself after the fight, by basically admitting to everyone that he was doped up.  He was immediately suspended from the League, and he had to forfeit all the money that he would have received for getting the snot kicked out of him.  His pathetic behavior also ended talk of his desired comeback to the NFL, costing him millions more.

So how does sc respond to all Morton’s transgressions?  They have him come to their Football practice, work with their Receivers, and probably give a pep talk to the squad.  Maybe he told them about the wonderful benefits of shooting anabolic steroids into your ass.  Maybe Johnnie had heard that O.J. got to come to talk to sc in the locker room before the Orange Bowl, so he went nuts in public just so he’d be invited too.

As if Morton and the others weren’t enough, we now have a new entry into the Pantheon of easily-criticizable ex-trojan Wide Outs: Erik Affholter.  Affholter is already a hated name in Rivalry Lore, and the reason why many Bruin fans started pushing for the use of Instant Replay.  Affholter dropped a pass against the Bruins about two decades ago, but it was ruled a game-winning Touchdown, by Refs who probably made more for that call than Affholter ever made in his Pro career.

His career, up until this week, was as a High School Football Head Coach in Flagstaff, Arizona.  But last week, his team called Time Out with 1 second left, WITH THE LEAD, and then, instead of doing the Classy thing and taking a knee, they ran the ball into the end zone on the last play for a Touchdown.

The opposing team and their fans were NOT amused, and Affholter’s car was vandalized.   But instead of explaining everything to the opposing fans, and exercising some loyalty to his team, Affholter just up and QUIT.  That’s right, the Head Coach of the team just quit on his players in the middle of the season.

Maybe if Affholter felt remorse over HIS decision to score an in-your-face TD, then his decision to resign might make sense.  But Affholter DENIES that he intentionally scored.  He said that the Time Out was called by a player without his knowledge, and he did not call for the play that scored the dubious TD.

 In other words, Affholter is refusing to admit that he did what trojans are famous for doing.  You can choose to believe him if you like.  OR, you can believe that he orchestrated the whole thing, even vandalizing his own car, just to get out.  After he quit, he said that he was never felt accepted or comfortable there, and that he just wasn’t prepared for the animosity involved in the competition there.

WHAT?  This guy played in UCLA/sc games, and he can’t handle a High School Rivalry?!?

 What is it with usc Wide Receivers??  And why does it seem like karma is attacking so many trojans?  Junior Seau’s house burned downed in the fires this week.  We would never take JOY in THAT, but somewhere, since no one was hurt at the Seau residence, there must be a group of maligned (by Seau) Homosexuals who are redecorating in honor of the Glorious Fire of Revenge.  And just like we would never wish a fire on anyone, we don’t like the idea of threats made on Affholter’s daughter.  After all, it’s not her fault — she was born into it.  So if the reported “veiled threat” is the real reason for Affholter’s quick evacuation, then we take back everything we just wrote.  But if that was just one obviously-harmless wacko and Affholter is just USING his daughter’s false jeopardy as an excuse in his Exit Strategy from the Desert, then we mean every word, only DOUBLE.