WHEN WILL LUANN HUMPHREY BOGART THE SPOTLIGHT?

A Frickin’ Queen:  17 months ago (As Time Goes By) NCAA Rep. Luann Humphrey shocked (SHOCKED) Tim Floyd (“We’re looking at YOU, kid”), and called a Spade a Spade, implying that sc could be headed to The Big Sleep

Q:  What would Bogey have called it when sc’s BCS Title is rescinded?

A:  To Have and Have Not.

Of all the gym joints in all the towns in all the World, Tim Floyd walked into Staples this week, and the former usc Basketball Coach wanted to play it again.

Floyd, who is now Assistant-Coaching Darren Collison and the New Orleans Hornets, talked to the Press in L.A., in what could be the start of a beautiful friendship.  In fact, Floyd gave the Media some juicy information that should have trojan A.D. Mike Garrett going all “Yellowstain,” fearing a Mutiny.

Floyd says that in July of 2008, a woman from the NCAA, Luann Humphrey, warned him to get a lawyer.  When he claimed innocence, she said, “No.  You NEED to get a lawyer.”  She allegedly told him to think about the Ohio State situation, where an investigation into the football team spiraled into the Coach of their BASKETBALL team getting fired.

That would seem to fit in with what the whole World thought was going on:  usc would sacrifice their pathetic Basketball Program in order to save their Football Program.  And apparently, the NCAA was receptive to the idea.

But the Luann Platter still had something good left on it.  Humphrey went on to warn Floyd that the NCAA’s investigation of usc, Bush, and Mayo was “moving into the area” of LACK OF INSTITUTIONAL CONTROL.  This is the news that trojan-haters have been waiting for, for years.  The problem is:  This was said 17 months ago.  So WHERE is the NCAA?  Where is Luann Humphrey?  Are they still investigating?  The “Tarnished Heisman” guys already had the receipts from plane trips — It seems like the NCAA should have been able to put together a case by now.  Shouldn’t they round up The Usual Suspects?

Put that knowledge together with the fact that usc football is a team on the decline, and with the fact that they embarrassed the NCAA with their blatantly bad sportsmanship last week (the taunting more than the call), and it could be the perfect storm, ala Key Largo, for the NCAA to finally strike, at very little cost to themselves.  

While relating this tale of his contact with the NCAA, Floyd took the opportunity to slam his former trojan boss, Mike Garrett.  Floyd said that from the time that he got this warning, Garrett completely stopped talking to him.  Garrett communicated with his Coach only through letters, delivered by a courier!!  It’s nice to know that when you work for usc’s Athletic Department, you are in line for that kind of loyalty.

Floyd said that Garrett and usc showed him absolutely NO SUPPORT whatsoever, completely abandoning him.  Floyd says that back then, he WANTED to say some other things, but he didn’t want his Assistants to get fired too.  He says that “members of a cheating staff” would not have been retained, so in order to protect his friends’ jobs, he couldn’t say what he wanted to.  SO… that implies that either Floyd was planning on lying, OR, he and his staff were knowingly CHEATING.

Shocked, SHOCKED.  Floyd was so upset by the lack of support that he “didn’t have the stomach to continue.”  So he resigned.  Did that resignation kill the investigation?  Did the NCAA lose their momentum when the key player in the $1000 cash payout left town?  Is that why 17 months later, there have been no declarations?  Did The Old Sacrificial Lamb Trick work again?

All I know is that it’s a good thing that the psycho-tramp in the trailer-trash Casino didn’t launch that chair at the back of Floyd’s head, or we never would have heard this one and a half-year-old piece of encouraging news that the LETHAL charge of “Lack of Institutional Control” is actually on the table.

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You don’t have to be hit in the back of the head to know that Kobe Bryant is the biggest Basketball Treasure on either side of the Sierra Madre, and on Friday night, he proved it again.  The Lakers were down to the Heat by 4 points with 5 seconds to go, but Derek Fisher hit a three, and after a Dwyane Wade missed Free Throw, L.A. had the ball, down by 2, with 3 seconds left.  Somehow, on the inbounds play, Kobe broke through two tenacious double-teaming defenders to receive the pass.  Because of the Defense, Kobe was forced out above the top of the key, with Wade in his face.  But there was no time to pass, so Kobe launched a floating prayer off of one foot… and it banked right in for the stunning victory.

After the game, which was the Lakers’ 8th straight win, Kobe refused to take credit for the amazing shot, saying it was pure LUCK.  But Laker fans who have been watching him WILL the Lakers to victory after victory with unbelievable circus shots for all these years, KNOW that luck has very little to do with it.  But it’s nice for the God of Basketball to remain a little humble — just look at The God of Golf right now.

Speaking of Gods, here are 14 more photographs of UCLA (and sc) Cheerleaders.  The first 8 are from the game at the Mausoleum, and the last 6 are from a new batch of 89 from the ASU game, which will all be coming soon, over the next few days/weeks.  As always, the photos ENLARGE quite a bit if you want to zoom in.  Also, if you are enjoying today’s tribute to Bogey (even though most of us weren’t born when he was in his heyday), mouse over the photos for hidden, pop-up captions, all related, directly or indirectly, to the guy who one particular charter member of  The Trojan-Haters Club thinks was the last great American actor.