Cookie D’oh! — u$c gets dunked by Arizona State 62-41, their wafer-thin Defense gets chipped away for 611 yards of Total Offense, their only good player crumbles to the ground with an injury, they lose their “crying-over-spilled-milk” appeal to the NCAA for sanction reductions, and trojan hero O.J. Simpson gets busted in jail for stealing Double-Stuffed Oreos
It’s not a good week to be a trojan… or a cheater… or a double-murdering ex-trojan cookie-thief.
u$c went in to Tempe to face the Arizona State Sun Devils, both teams trying to avoid falling to 0-2 in the Pac-12 South. While sc’s Offense has been pathetic all season, their Defense has been stellar, and Nationally Ranked in several categories. But after getting totally shredded by ASU, now people are realizing that the trojans’ Defensive prowess turnaround from last season is nothing more than a mirage caused by horrible opponents. The QB’s for Hawaii and Boston College were as bad as you will ever see, causing sc’s false sense of accomplishment. The whole trojan Defense was EXPOSED on Saturday night. ASU Running Back Marion Grice scored 4 Touchdowns all by himself, as the Devils’ 62 points matched the MOST EVER allowed by any trojan team in the program’s history.
The trojans were still in the game at Halftime, trailing only 20-14, and in the 3rd Quarter, which has been by far their worst this season, they scored immediately to go ahead 21-20. But then their usual 3rd Quarter blues hit, as they gave up 28 straight points to fall behind 48-21. sc’s star Receiver Marqise Lee hurt his knee on a Punt Return, and did not return, but to the trojans’ (and Lane Kiffin’s) credit, they did not quit. The trojans scored the next two TD’s to cut the lead to 14 in the 4th Quarter. But their Defense couldn’t keep ASU in check, allowing two more Devil TD’s to run the lead back up to 28. sc got one back, making the final 62-41.
The devastating loss left u$c at 0-2 in the Conference, for the first time since 2001. And it wasn’t the ONLY devastating trojan loss this week. A few days ago, after u$c petitioned the NCAA for a reduction in their penalties, the NCAA said “NO.” The trojans thought that since the NCAA eased the sanctions on Penn State, they should extend the same courtesy to sc. But they didn’t, and here’s why:
1. sc was on probation when they got busted.
2. sc was uncooperative and stonewalled the investigation.
3. sc was arrogant, and the A.D. thumbed his nose at the NCAA.
4. sc’s violations were designed to give them an unfair advantage on the playing field.
5. sc never admitted fault, or showed any contrition for their sins.
NONE of these apply to Penn State. Sure, the crimes that occurred at PSU were more severe in the grand scheme of things, but the Athletic Department did not engineer the whole scandal in order to win Football games like usc’s did, and that’s what the NCAA is trying to prevent. Meanwhile, Penn State, post-scandal, has been remorseful, cooperative, and proactive in making sure problems don’t recur. You can’t say any of that about usc, who just recently settled a whole ‘nother SCandal, involving illegal payments received by players on the Football and Basketball teams. It was recently announced that usc has been busted — found guilty — of violations in this new case, albeit “secondary” violations. But since they have been on probation and are still operating under sanctions, it is insane to think that their current sanctions should be lessened, as were the ones being endured by the Nittany Lions.
Speaking of sanctions, it takes a special type of person to get busted while serving time for a conviction that occurred because of a conviction that should have happened but didn’t. O.J. Simpson, it has been widely reported, got in trouble while in prison, for stealing cookies from the jail cafeteria. He was apparently trying to smuggle out a boxload of cookies to his cell, in clear violation of approved prison cookie quotas.
The late-night talk show hosts have already inundated us with jokes on this subject, leaving me hardly anything to do but share a few: O.J. will not rest until he finds the real cookie thieves; O.J. didn’t do it, but he will write a book explaining how he would have done it, called “If I Ate It;” They had him put his hand in a cookie jar, and since it fit, they did convict; The Cookie Monster from Sesame Street was O.J.’s cellmate, who made O.J. his bitch, so O.J. had no choice but to steal the cookies for him.
O.J. Simpson: The gift that keeps on giving. Meanwhile, the trojans still worship him by proudly displaying his gigantic jersey in the Coliseum. But THIS year, HE should be embarrassed to be associated with THEM.