THE TREE STOOGES

Worst Episode Ever:  Numbskull Bruins are Slapstick Shemps for Stanford in 35-0 Poke in the Eyes

Even Curly scored ONCE… when he hid the ball under his jersey.  Maybe Norm Chow ought to add that little piece of trickery to his “arsenal,” since nothing else seems to be working.

In fact, it was SO AWFUL on Saturday night, that Head Coach Rick Neuheisel said that the Bruins couldn’t get any… — He was going to say “worse,” but changed it at the last second to “lower.”  Smart choice — because at this rate, they actually MIGHT continue to get worse.

The Bruins stunk up the field in almost every facet of the game, including Coaching.  Neuheisel and Chow should donate their paychecks to charity this week, because their team was NOT prepared to play.  UCLA made every stupid mistake that a team can make:  Fumbles, Interceptions, Personal Fouls, False Starts, Pass Interference Penalties, Fielding a Punt on the 3-yard line, wasting two early time outs back-to-back (and still giving up a 1st Down on the ensuing play), missing coverage assignments that allowed receptions in the end zone to wide open receivers on three separate occasions, and of course, trying to change personnel while Stanford was already up at the line of scrimmage.  And yes, chaos ensued.

I have NOT criticized this Coaching Staff in the Past, but when the Bruins were BOOED OFF THE FIELD at Halftime, I felt that almost every player and Coach on the Bruin sideline deserved it.  They got so badly outplayed that they were fortunate to be down only 13-0 at the Half.  If Stanford QB Andrew Luck weren’t having one of his worst Passing Games ever, the Cardinal would have won by 50+.

The Bruin brain trust benched still-struggling QB Kevin Prince at the end of the 3rd Quarter, when the game was already out of reach.  Richard Brehaut came in, and basically showed fans why Prince was still the starter after all his injury problems.  Brehaut moved the team a little against a totally-softened Defense, but he also got sacked, and tackled short of a 1st Down on a 4th Down run.  On his next 4th Down attempt, his pass was tipped and Intercepted.  Brehaut is still not quick enough of a thinker to deal with the Bruins’ constantly outmanned Offensive Line.

If you think Prince is the whole problem, and that Brehaut is the savior, you are not watching closely enough.  The whole Offense is to blame.  They lose the battle of the trenches, they drop passes, they can’t execute a simple handoff, they commit holding penalties downfield, and the coaches call plays that don’t fool anyone, especially on 3rd Downs, on which the Bruins were 1-for-9.

The bright spots were few and far between:  Sean Westgate was all over the field, leading the team with 10 tackles… but he couldn’t stop the Cardinal from gaining over 200 yards on the ground.  Jonathan Franklin broke a few nice runs, despite apparently losing his starting Tailback job to Derrick Coleman (who, incidentally, was taken off the field on a stretcher after getting hit in the head by a tackler).  Franklin gained 73 yards on 11 carries.  And True Freshman Malcolm Jones once again proved that he should be getting more action, gaining 52 yards on just 7 carries.

But since I am rapidly losing faith in this staff to do what it takes to stop this Keystone Cops comedy of errors, Malcolm will probably remain 3rd String, and then transfer to sc at the end of the year.  By the way, sc failed to cover the spread once again, when they barely got by unranked Virginia 17-14.  Right now, it looks like Stanford may be a better team than sc, again, but the season is still young.

While UCLA Football is falling apart right before our eyes, the Program does still have one saving grace:  The UCLA Spirit Squad is STILL World Class.  Somehow, they managed to compensate for the graduation of several supermodels.  Mollie’s staff of Coaches and Stylists have done a remarkable job of taking the Audition Winners, and helping them maximize their immense natural talent and beauty.  I was absolutely blown away.  You know that IN GENERAL, I don’t like to specify names, or promote any type of competition by “ranking” the girls.  But let me just say that a couple of the returnees look a little different, in a really good way.  Erin made a change that I think suits her really well, and I don’t know what Nikki did, but she looks as good as any cheerleader I have ever, ever seen.  Check out these shots, and tell me if I’m lying.  I may have given up on the Football team having a decent season, but I still have a great reason to attend the rest of the games… 

[Note:  There will be A LOT MORE photos coming soon, including some of Erin, so you can better see her new look.  AND:  To the three nice ladies whose photo I took in the stands:  It came out great — Just send me your e-mail address and I will send it to you.]