Dedicated to the HATRED of all things trOJan

Noah’s nArk

Noah’s fArk:  Goin’ in 2-by-2; Dumber than a “2-by-4.”

“Two Amstel Lights, please.”

Cop on a lArk makes “Toke-kim” his mArk, for failing to hArk laws pathetically Ark(-aic), against “Heineken-dArk-ing” and “Wacky Weed-spArking” (that could pArk “Smokim” in a stArk, grey cell for a 6-month spell — which is a lot longer than 40 days and 40 nights)

Joakim should have just said “No-ah.”

Former Florida Gator and two-time Bruin Nemesis Joakim Noah just opened the floodgates in terms of explanations for his eccentric behavior over the last few years:  Allegedly, he’s “on the Pot.”  Noah really needs to get his ship together now, after Police in Gainesville yesterday charged him with drug possession, which might get him caged up like a pair of animals, for up to half a year.  Florida may have Disney and Universal theme parks, but it ain’t California.

For the second time in two days, we find ourselves DEFENDING an “enemy,” because not only is it absurd that someone in this day and age can face jail time for having a little Weed, but the WAY he got caught was pretty lame, too.

Of course, we can’t defend being ignorant of the laws, even if the laws are stupid:  Apparently, at 1:50am, a Cop spotted Noah on a sidewalk holding (not DRINKING, just “holding”) a plastic cup that contained an “amber drink,” which is against the law.  It is considered on “open container” violation.  WTF?  Haven’t they ever heard of “O’Doul’s?”  What if it was non-alcoholic Beer?  Then wouldn’t arresting him be a violation of his rights?   Not when you’re in Gainesville (remember Sheriff J.W. Pepper from “Live and Let Die,” which is on Spike as I write this )?  But, as a celebrity and “NBA role model,” Noah has GOT to be aware of what can get him busted.

So they arrest Noah, and when they search him, they find some Marijuana in his pocket.  He’s a big guy, with deep pockets, but how much Bubba Kush could he have possibly had in his pocket?  It couldn’t have been enough for “distribution,” so that means that even though he was NOT behind the wheel, he still faces six months behind bars, for carrying a cup of Bud, and a quarter-ounce of bud?  Meanwhile, O.J. walks the streets.

Noah is on the Chicago Bulls now, and he has had trouble jelling with his teammates.  At one point, the team voted him out of a game in response to some meltdown he had.   Can you say “mood swings?”  And we always thought that it was his Tennis Star Dad YANNICK Noah who liked to play on GRASS.  Or maybe Joakim JUST took up smoking — BECAUSE of his anti-social behavior and arrogant antics — and is much more mellow now.  But more likely, he’s a long-time druggie — Allegedly, he called the 2006 UCLA Dance Team “ugly,” which means that two years ago, he was taking heavy hallucinogens.

It’s too bad that the NCAA does not re-award vacated Titles, because if Noah got embroiled in some sort of International Drug Ring Scandal and was declared ineligible to have ever played at Florida, the Bruins would be the REAL 2006 National Champions.

And speaking of SCandals, here are 11 more photos of the sc song girls — in bikinis — to prove that the complaining sc fans are out of their minds.  And, like yesterday, we must insist that before you claim that an occasional behind is not as perfect as it could be — bad lighting, bad angles, and the camera can add 10 pounds, and in person, all these girls looked fit, firm, and fabulous.  We apologize if any of them feel like these shots don’t do them justice — We are honestly trying to pick the photos that most of our “target” audience (that is:  “Healthy” red-blooded fraternity guys, and still-healthy, red-blooded Male Alumni) will ENJOY — not ones that they would find unappealing. This shot alone should make the complainers throw in the towel. Variety is the spice of life, but maybe some people want them ALL to be Barbie Doll, cookie-cutter blondes.

Please — It is not fair to compare these photos to AIR-BRUSHED Playmate photography — But in real life, the bodies are quite similar… believe it, or NOT.

There were “No Fat Chicks” present — Check out the rib cages — Kirstie Ally isn’t going to pick up any new clients here.

Here’s another good one that proves we’re not dealing with muffintops here.

These girls even survive the dreaded t-h close-up.

Click to zoom in close enough to read the tag — Hey — Why NOT get a “plug” in for the bikini designer?

We’d shop at Trader Joe’s, if their check-out girls looked like this.

The more I see these pics, the more of a head-scratcher all the whining becomes.

Lord have mercy on these poor, misguided souls.

…and finally:  If Joakim Noah dived onto one of these ‘tubes, it would be a Glazed Donut.

"Noah’s nArk" was published on May 27th, 2008 and is listed in Non-Rivalry News, UCLA/usc/Cheerleader Photos.

Comments on "Noah’s nArk": 4 Comments

  1. RR wrote,

    “Allegedly, he called the 2006 UCLA Dance Team “ugly,” which means that two years ago, he was taking heavy hallucinogens.”
    Pwuahahaha okay, that alone should solidify the claim that Noah’s a long-time drug user 😛


    I’m starting to like these Song Girl pics 😛
    Yeah when you do compare them to UCLA girls it’s really not that fair, that alone is a subjective argument, but the Song Girls themselves really aren’t bad. Just last year I had this guilty pleasure of liking two of the Song Girls :), and this years crew has been growing on me. (Must be the power known as t-h’s photography)

    I think it’d be awesome if you did a song girl/ucla spirit squad compilation post… but then again reading previous posts, I don’t think that would be a good idea.

  2. jc wrote,

    As always, excellent photography and excellent points made in your article. I’m glad I stumbled upon this website. And as of now, I think it’s time we officially exclude the Song Girls from Trojan Hating. Your pictures have to make believers out of any straight male with average vision not on mind-altering substances.

  3. Waldorf wrote,

    I think you’ve made your point about the USC song girls.

    Now, what this site really needs is photo after photo after photo of the UCLA Dance Team in bikinis! I’m not sure there is enough bandwidth on the Web to sustain all the hits your site would take. But if you were to somehow engineer a UCLA Dance Team Bikini-thon, you could charge $50 a day to access your site and people would pay it! So get busy!

  4. UCLADal wrote,

    That pic of Noah is an all time classic. Thanks T-H!

    P.S. I got my Neu Era shirt about 2 weeks ago. I’ve worn it twice already. I’ll wear it under my jersey at the ball games this season. GO BRUINS! NEU ON!

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