FOR WHOM THE NEL POLES

Philly (mi)stake — Ex-Trojan may not have been a gentleman in the gentleman’s club, as a Philadelphia Pole Dancer accuses the Eagles’ Nelson Agholor of Rape

It’s only June, so despite ESPN rolling them out already, it’s WAY too early to discuss preseason Football polls. Meanwhile, ex-trojan Nelson Agholor MAY have whipped out HIS pole prematurely as well, as a 27-year old Exotic Dancer from the Cheerleaders Gentlemen’s Club in South Philly has accused the current Philadelphia Eagle Wide Receiver of sexual assault. Of course, Rape and Sexual Assault cover a wide array of acts, so the only pole involved may have been the brass one she was dancing on.

Speaking of that wide array, the recently infamous “Stanford Rapist” Brock Turner may soon have company in the headlines from Agholor, but not in his cell, as Turner’s ridiculously lenient 3-month incarceration (for his “20 minutes of action”) will be over before Agholor could be convicted and sentenced to join him. Let’s hope that IF (and ONLY if) Nelson is guilty, he gets a much more JUST punishment.

But Agholor — or “Shagholor,” as he may now be called by the tabloids — might never even be charged with a crime. Exotic Dancers are not usually afforded a lot of credence in cases like this. The high-powered lawyers and reps of the NFL and rookie bust Agholor are already claiming that this is nothing more than a set-up, and that the case will never move forward. Since it is not a huge stretch to believe that a poor, struggling stripper could easily TARGET a millionaire NFL player, NELSON may ultimately get the last HA-HA.

Regardless of the certain upcoming attacks on the character of the alleged victim, Philadelphia Police Special Victims Unit is indeed investigating the incident, trying to view the club’s surveillance video to determine if a crime was committed. Two of Agholor’s Eagle teammates have already admitted being with him in the strip joint, but they have both already disavowed having any knowledge of any illegal incident.

Since the NFL and its players have such a glaringly bad reputation lately, especially in terms of violence against women, it wouldn’t take a conspiracy theorist to speculate that the Dancer’s cooperation (i.e. silence) will be bought, by the League’s powerful machine. Scandal Fixers are probably being mobilized tonight as we speak, to bury this whole thing, which may make Agholor feel like he is right back at home, in the friendly confines of his beloved University of Southern Cal, where they notoriously “own the police” and can get away with (double-) murder.