FIG U SKATERS

Oh, BOI!  —  Thanks to another frozen WITTness, Figueroa Tech’s Most KWANted is no longer on thin ice, and will probably go SCOTT free

Quick — Someone get a shovel and dig up the 50-yard line in the Coliseum — You just might find the shallow grave of the latest person to point the finger at a trOJan.  Is that why they call it the “Mausoleum?”

Yesterday, it was announced that incoming trojan Football Recruit Maurice Simmons might “escape justice” on his Armed Robbery and related charges.  Excuse the legal ignorance, but apparently, the Court had to issue a warrant to get Simmons’ victim to appear, after he was a no-show at Monday’s proceeding.

So, why the Cold Feet?  Well, the guy COULD have been lying, just trying to extort some blood money out of the deep-pocketed usc Football Machine.  Or… maybe he is recanting because he just isn’t sure who robbed him.  Or… maybe it suddenly became in his be$t intere$t$ to go AWOL.  Or… maybe it’s intimidation.  OR… maybe the guy is just, GONE.  Like Jimmy Hoffa, buried under a certain football field.

Our bet is that it was a vast Bruin conspiracy trying to besmirch the good name of Maurice Simmons, but the Actor playing the phony victim got a bit part on “Two and a Half Men” (as Alan finally comes out), so he was no longer available for the trial.

With no complaining victim, the Robbery and Armed Assault charges are toast.  Simmons SHOULD still be held accountable for the lesser infraction of allowing a loaded weapon in his vehicle, but his Lawyer says that if the Felony is History, then the Misdemeanor is gone, too.  And just like that, it’s off to Florida to hit the links with O.J., and then back to practice for Pom Pom Pete, with Simmons’ new peers.  At least he’ll feel safe walking across campus, on his way to, uh, “class” (stop snickering — maybe he’ll take Ballroom Dancing), since he’s allegedly experienced in packing heat.  That is, unless the ENTIRE story is fabricated, or a set-up, and Maurice is completely as innocent as the Court is going to deem him.  Good for Society, but it would have been interesting to see how much legal Guilt Pom Pom would have tolerated, and still welcomed Simmons to the team.  If YOU were in Carroll’s place, would you want to tell Simmons to go away?  How many alleged armed robbers do you really want as hated enemies?  More likely:  “Welcome Home, Maurice!”

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And speaking of HOME, two legendary figures from UCLA Basketball are going to make L.A. their Home for a long time to come.  Bruin Head Coach Ben Howland signed a 7-year Contract to remain in Westwood, with an escalating salary around $2 Mil a year.  This deal is so Universally-approved by Bruin fans young and old, that it’s almost Non-News.  What kind of glowing thing can be said about Howland that you don’t already know?  Three straight Final Fours, a UCLA-Record 35 Wins last year, #1 Recruiting Class, NBA Draft picks flowing — 99% of you believe that Howland deserves every penny.  And when he hangs his first NCAA Championship Banner in Pauley, the other 1% will come around.

And speaking of coming around, UCLA Great Baron Davis is finally coing Home to L.A.  Baron has agreed with the Clippers, to a 5-year, $65 Million Dollar contract to be the Clippers’ New Point Guard.  Baron’s high-priced arrival means that Corey Maggette will not be returning to L.A., but apparently, Elton Brand will. 

It is hard to believe that Davis would agree to come play for Donald Sterling if Brand wasn’t coming back.  Unless he no longer cares about winning, it wouldn’t make any sense.  The Clippers without Brand would not have been nearly as successful as Golden State.  However, Baron is a Film Producer, who wants to be near Hollywood, so maybe he WAS ready to sacrifice a shot at an NBA Title, in order to be closer to The Biz.

So the Battle for Staples next year COULD see both the Lakers and Clippers Quarterbacked by Bruins, with Jordan Farmar hopefully running the Purple and Gold next season.  We will still be rooting for the Lakers, with Trevor Ariza and Kareem giving them THREE Bruins in the mix, but for the first time in decades, we will ALSO be rooting for the Clippers, expecially when they aren’t playing the Lakers.

Despite the fact that Baron Davis is coming off healthy, productive years, some people have intimated that he is “washed up.”  Nonsense.  While he COULD sustain an injury, he is still worth the risk.  He can still take over a game, as he did against Dallas in that unforgettable 8 vs. 1 series upset.  So, GO CLIPPERS — The hope is that they just make the Playoffs — that would be a triumph for Baron in itself.

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One final issue:  UCLAXTC, I need your help.  Actually, anyone who ever goes to Scott Wolf’s Daily News sc blog.  For a while now, every time I go there, my computer completely freezes up, and has to be turned off manually.  I have tried another computer, and it WAS okay, until yesterday, when the same thing happened to that one.  It seems to have to do with all the damn animated ads all over the site, that slow it down so badly anyway.  The ads seem to get stuck, and then, the whole computer freezes.  Even ctrl-alt-delete doesn’t work. 

So I have a few questions:  Is anyone else having trouble with that site (using Internet Explorer)?  If so, can you please let me, or more importantly, let HIM know?  And finally, can you guys please keep track of what’s going on over there, and let me know if they reference this site, use my photos, or if there is some anti-trojan news that you think I should know, but might not see anywhere else?  Thanks.  In appreciation of your cooperation, and in honor of the Fig U SKATERS, here are nine more photos of those SCATERS’ teammates, and some beautiful Song Girl FIGURES.