DON WE NOW O.J. APPAREL… OR NOT

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shop, not a trojan was stirring to purchase this slop

Silent Night indeed.

On what should have been one of their busiest nights of the year, in the middle of a mobbed shopping mall right before Christmas, the usc merchandise store sat there completely deserted.

This photo was not doctored, or “set-up” in any way.  I didn’t even know the store existed.  But it was SO empty, it WON’T exist next year.  While fighting my way through the crowded mall, I noticed the sc store, and thought it was funny that it was the only place in the mall that wasn’t being overrun by consumers.  I didn’t even see any employees.  But I thought it was just a fluke of timing.  So I waited for a while, and slowly activated the camera app. on my phone (which was “hidden” due to lack of use).  When I finally got it ready, the store was still empty. 

The hard part was to get a clear window between the constant flow of shoppers in the aisle between me and the storefront.  Finally, a very cute girl stopped for a moment to let me snap the shot.  After I got it, she asked what I was doing.  It turns out that she is a Bruin!  And did I say she was cute?  I explained to her WHY it was classic that the sc store was a graveyard (because sc is BUILT on Bandwagon fans who disappear at the first sign of decline, despite their claims of “trojan for life.”), and about how sc’s cheating is making them a National laughingstock.

She responded with a heartfelt story of a lifelong friend of hers who went to UCLA with her, but then crossed over to the dark side for Grad school, and soon after consorting with trojans, became a CHEATING SCumbag himself.  But even HE wasn’t buying any trojan Emerald Bowl jerseys this week.

Land Rover sales are probably up this week, with all the publicity being given to “Rover-gate.”  The trojan Tailback is still in L.A. for purposes of doing “paperwork,” instead of being with his teammates in San Francisco, getting ready for sc’s Bowl game.  Apparently, you can’t sign back-dated documents via fax.

Pete Carroll says that McKnight didn’t do anything wrong, so sc probably will find a way out of this latest SCandal.  But the explanation for McKnight’s LYING about not driving the vehicle will be priceless.  Apparently, bald-faced lies to the Press aren’t wrong, in Pete Carroll’s eyes (duh).  And according to the L.A. Times, sc’s AD Mike Garrett has vanished, leaving Carroll hanging out to dry with no support during Rover-gate, just like he did to Tim Floyd during Mayo-gate.  Garrett is probably swamped — damage control isn’t easy.  Not only is McKnight not with the team, but sc had 3 guys declared academically ineligible, and DamiAn Williams has apparently decided to flee a sinking ship and bolt early for the NFL.  And in Baseball, Garrett’s Head Coach Chad Krueter may be another SLIMY hire —  According to Chan Ho Park, Krueter screwed him out of over $220,000, failing to pay back a loan.  Park is now suing for it.  Garrett better hurry up and finish coaching the guy who gave McKnight’s Baby Mama the Land Rover, and get back to campus.

You might think that it’s stupid to make fun of Damian’s decision, when the Bruins’ Brian Price is likely to do the same.  And, the Bruins also lost three players to academic and personal reasons.  The answer is that Price would be leaving a team [slowly] on the rise (as opposed to bailing on a sinking ship), and the Bruins aren’t failing Ballroom Dancing.  Of course, it’s still pathetic and basically inexcusable that there are Bruins failing out too.  But failing out at usc, where Wal-Mart heiress Paige Laurie bought her degree and trojan athletes are famous for making miraculous academic recoveries, especially when they are severely needed for a BCS game, is even worse.

And to further show the superiority of the Bruin Spirit:  Sports Illustrated listed some individual honors for the past DECADE, and TWO BRUINS were selected, compared to ZERO trojans.  In Football, UCLA’s Jonathan Ogden deservedly was named as the best at his Offensive Tackle position for the 2000’s, and in Baseball, Bruin Chase Utley was the pick for 2nd Basemen.  Ogden is retired, but already considered to be one of the best EVER, while Utley still has several more years left to ALSO leave a legacy as being one of the best ever.

And speaking of the best ever, I hope all you non-trojans have the best ever Christmas.