Dedicated to the HATRED of all things trOJan


BLAZING — You can now add ARSON to the growing list of trojan crimes, as Kevin Ellison purposely sets his apartment on fire with a Marijuana blunt, because “God told him to”

Oh my God, where do I start??  This is the Story of the Year for me.  It’s got everything:  A Pot-smoking psycho ex-trojan Football player, committing a serious Federal Offense that could have killed dozens, because God instructed him to do it!

Hey Kevin — This is not what it means when someone says “Spark it up, Dude!”  I actually have nothing against toking a little weed, but I DO have something against ARSON.  And I’m not too crazy about killing people in the name of the Lord, either.  But don’t blame this on the GREEN Dope, blame it on the Cardinal and Gold Dope.  Millions and millions of people smoke Pot every day — not too many of them have conversations with God that lead to trying to burn down a building and commit suicide.  Ellison said “that he just wanted to get out of it and for it all to go away.”  Does every trojan have to emulate their beloved hero Junior Seau?  And while I’m on that subject, did you happen to see the electronic billboard in the Valley paying homage to the dearly departed Seau?  It didn’t mention his blatant Racism or Homophobic slurs that apparently didn’t stop him from becoming a trojan media darling.

So why do ex-trojans keep losing their minds?  Could it be… SATAN?  I don’t think so.  Could it be… STEROIDS?  Now that seems like a much more likely cause.  When you abuse a chemical to ludicrous extremes, your brain is bound to show some signs of deterioration.  Seau’s next of kin can blame concussions if they want to, but you and I can come to a more logical conclusion.  Drug abuse has a much more storied history of screwing people up beyond recognition… and I don’t mean REEFER.

Ellison was a Star Safety for u$c about a half-dozen years ago, and got drafted into the NFL, eventually being signed by his former trojan Coach Pete Carroll to play for the Seattle Seahawks.  Obviously, he is Carroll’s kind of player — nucking futs.  Initially, he FAILED HIS PHYSICAL with Seattle and was CUT, but somehow, Carroll found a way around that obstacle, signing him again.  But even Carroll couldn’t find a place for him on the roster, and cut him again, for good, a few months later.  Ellison wound up in the Arena league, as no self-respecting NFL team was willing to take a flyer on him.  And now, looking back, you can see WHY.  Maybe in those personality tests they give, he went all “Beavis” and doodled “Fire!  Fire!  Fire!” in the margins of his answer sheet.  Apparently Oingo Boingo was singing about Ellison in “Only a Lad:”

His teachers didn’t understand
They kicked him out of school
At a tender early age
Just because he didn’t want to learn things
(Had other interests)
He liked to burn things

Hopefully, Ellison will get the mental health assistance that he requires, so that when he gets out of prison in a couple of decades, he won’t hurt himself or hundreds of innocent bystanders around him (unless he’s in Heritage Hall, where there are no innocent bystanders).

"THE FIRE OF ‘ELL" was published on June 15th, 2012 and is listed in News from the Dark Side.

Comments on "THE FIRE OF ‘ELL": 2 Comments

  1. JC wrote,

    Oh, oh, oh! Ohhhh ohh oh oh!!! You really can’t blame him. Society made him!

  2. dswenson wrote,

    Love your writing. trogans SUCK!!!

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