Fairy Tale Ending: A 10-year Tommy Trojan’s Gay Wedding is greasing the wheels of the fight against a ban on Same-Sex Marriage
Just call him “The Gay Caped Crusader.”
Every once in a long while, an ex-trojan does something worthy of strokes, and this time, it’s Tommy the Trojan himself. A guy named Chuck, who wore the skirt of usc mascot Tommy for TEN YEARS, is about to get married — to a guy named Howard. Howard is Chuck’s longtime companion, and a Hollywood Publicist, who knows a little something about Public Relations.
Thanks to a donation from the L.A. Police Chief, Chuck and Howard are getting major publicity for what appears to be a very selfless and generous act — The Couple has requested that in leiu of gifts, guests should make donations to thier Cause. The Pair are fighting a proposed State Ban of Gay Marriages, which would keep other Gay couples in love from getting to enjoy the same marital bliss that they are about to be experiencing.
Do you realize how hard it is for a Gay Man to give up the whole “Bridal Registry” process? Picking out bed linens, and Crystal, and China patterns?? It’s like Shopping Fantasy Camp. Forfeiting all that just so OTHERS can be as lucky as they are? That is NOT the way to earn your Trojan-for-Life Card.
And now there must be a massive apology — to all the maniacal Bruin fanatics who used to scream certain things at Tommy. It used to seem pretty harsh and unfair — Just because he wore a skirt and carried a sword didn’t mean that he was The Gay Blade who liked sword-swallowers. But now, at least for a decade, all those sodomy t-shirts were “true,” and all those politically-incorrect taunts were just valid observations that he himself would have found complimentary, NOT insulting.
Because, of course, there is nothing wrong with being Gay (as the tone of this article should demonstrate). The only shocking thing is that a Gay guy would agree to wear those unstylishly hideous SANDALS for 10 years. After all, they aren’t exactly Dorothy’s Ruby Slippers. Snap! (“You heard me, Girlfriend.”)
Let’s just hope that Howard insists that they use a trojan on their Wedding Night — since you already know who’s going to wear the pants in the relationship — and who will wear the skirt.