HERE’S YOUR SIGN

If you blow off this blue & golden opportunity to come “backstage” and Schmooze with the Stars, Bill Engvall has a sign for you 

What do you MEAN, “Who the Hell is Bill Engvall?”

Bill Engvall is the comedian from the Jeff Foxworthy stable who borrowed a gag from Mad Magazine and turned it into Riches.  Don’t misunderstand:  He’s a funny, talented guy, but the routine that gave him a catch-phrase and made him famous is recognized (by Wikipedia AND Snopes) as being derivative of Mad Magazine Writer Al Jaffee’s “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.”

Engvall’s Stand-up revolves around a theme of dense people asking him things that should be obvious to a tree stump.  Then he gives a sarcastic answer as if the question was NOT idiotic, and then he offers them a sign, because he says life would be easier if Stupid people just wore signs letting everyone else know.

If you were a kid in the 70’s, you should be familiar with “Snappy Answers.”  They released two Paperbacks back then, filled with nothing but page after glorious page of asinine questions, each with multiple responses.  They covered everything that you always wanted to say to the Cop who asks if you know why he pulled you over, to the stranger asking you during a heatwave if it’s hot enough for you.

Some of the answers had us “ROTF,” literally, for the first time ever.  Looking back (we still have the books), some of the Answers are a little juvenile, and perhaps targeting very young readers, but what are still as funny now as then are the questions.  The cartoon artwork perfectly portrays people who you meet every day, who are just horribly oblivious to the World around them, or who just don’t know how to relate to – or play well with – others.

So even if the answers are hit and miss, it’s still hilarious, even for adults.  It’s sort of like “The Aristocrats.”  That Documentary – all about the telling of one joke – explained that the Punchline isn’t the only part of a joke that can crack people up.  In that joke, the punchline isn’t nearly as funny as the fact that it is elicited by an unexpected question.  The fact that the guy even asks for the name of the act is what’s funny, not the name itself.

But don’t let all this sour you on Bill Engvall.  He just took an old concept, and came up with a great, catchy, gimmicky way to update it and present it.  And he’s RIGHT about the need for the signs, especially in Los Angeles, with all the trOJans roaming free.  But his act is more than that one concept, of course.  We’re just simplifying here.

And simply stated, if you’re a fan of this site, or a Bruin Spirit fan, who has the ability to get to campus around 5pm today (Saturday), you need to motivate, and come on down.  It can be a very memorable experience – for you, or maybe for your kids – to actually MEET and talk to the actual Performers that wear the Blue and Gold Spirit Uniforms in front of thousands (and millions more on TV), representing UCLA to the World. 

You can finally ask them all the questions that you constantly ask US to ask them for you.  Maybe we could pass them a note during Study Hall?  Come on — these girls are NOT intimidating once you meet them up close — even though on Thursday there were many guys shying away sheepishly, despite urgings from their friends.  It wasn’t the $6 for the Poster – It was just “pretty girl” nerves, and that’s what this article is trying to terminate.  

And speaking of termination, the Lakers finally terminated their association with Kwame Brown.  The shocking part is that the move just made the Lakers SUDDENLY LEGITIMATE TITLE CONTENDERS!!!  In a transaction that has Kobe Bryant pledging allegiance to L.A., the Lakers gave up two future first round draft choices, Point Guard Javaris Crittendon, and Kwame Brown, in exchange for SEVEN-FOOT Center Pau Gasol from the Memphis Grizzlies.

Pau (no “l”) Gasol was an All-Star in 2006, the Rookie of the Year in 2002, and is currently averging 19 Points and 9 Rebounds for a weak team.  He has shown his prowess in upsets of the Lakers in the Past, and has never drawn our ire, even as a “hated” opponent.  So when Phil Jackson started talking about a Twin Towers approach for when Andrew Bynum gets back, we were STOKED along with most other Laker fans.

We felt bad for Kwame when he got booed by Laker fans and couldn’t handle it.  Kobe even publicly asked the fans to cool it, because Kwame is sensitive.  From a HUMAN standpoint, we understand, and wish Kwame well.  We hope that he overcomes his frailties, and is able to capitalize on his obvious talent.  However…

…when he got booed, he was playing like Michael Fey, who inspired die-hard Bruin fans to consider booing their own.  He was missing easy opportunities to a comical level, despite trying his heart out, just like Fey.   Fey also struggled with his lack of fan support, but in the NBA, there’s not much room for that.  So it is no surprise that Phil and Mitch Kupchak would feel compelled to give up on him.  But that’s not really a FAIR way to conceptualize this.  There is NO SHAME in getting traded for a STUD like Gasol.  Hell — It would have made a certain amount of sense to trade the blossoming BYNUM for Gasol, who is probably a little better than Bynum right NOW – thanks to his outside shooting ability – but not for long.

And now to discuss the most important element of the trade… for Bruin fans:  Javaris Crittendon was a competitor for playing time at Point Guard with Bruin  Jordan Farmar.  The Rookie Crittendon showed some flashes of brilliance, and would have definitely increased him minutes next season, at Farmar’s expense.  But now, Farmar can relax, knowing that the job of splitting time with Derek Fisher is his to keep.  Farmar has been in the game – at Fisher’s expense – in Crunchtime more than once recently.  Unfortunately, without Bynum as an option, the Lakers have lost two of their last three games, both on the final shot of the game.

One point of view is that the Lakers love Farmar, and made Crittendon expendable.  That’s an excellent point of view, which we will hereby happily adopt.  However, as pointed out by a sage from Bruin Zone, with Gasol as the Prize, it is likely that the Grizzlies DEMANDED Crittendon, and that IF they had asked for Farmar, Jordan would be on a midnight train to Memphis right now.  We’ll never know for sure about that, even if the Lakers say something in the Press, because Phil is a master manipulator, and we wouldn’t put it past him to say, NOW, that Farmar was untouchable, to motivate him and give him confidence.  However, we’ll stick with the original, happy theory.

The result is that the Nation’s journalists are considering the Lakers to be in the NBA’s de facto Final Four as of right now.  The Lakers – when healthy – seemed to already have an edge on Phoenix, so now current logic is contemplating Conference Finals between the Lakers and Spurs (or Mavs), and the Celtics and Pistons (or Cavs), leading to a, gasp, Laker-Celtics NBA Finals.

————-

Now, on a semi-personal note:  It appears that we were incorrect about the poster who claimed to be the Brother of a famous Coach.  Based on more recent posts, including one that included the phrase “donkey balls,” and based on the fact that he showed no gratitude whatsoever for all the effort we showed him with the special pictorial, we must sadly conclude that he is a fraud.  He couldn’t possible be related to such a classy individual, and if he doesn’t like this “calling out,” we’d like to know if his Sister approves of what he has posted in the last few days.  We won’t go into any more details about what he said, but while he was trying in earnest to SUPPORT the War, he instead practically spit on 3200 graves, by ripping a poster who was just trying to show respect for the tragically lost.  No matter what side you’re on, it’s hard to understand his attacks.

————————

Here are 20 more photos, all of UCLA Cheerleaders “in action,” and all taken on Thursday night on campus.  They have mouse-over captions,  and can be enlarged by clicking on them.  And if your personal favorite isn’t featured enough today, COMMENT today, then come back on Sunday and Monday, for photos from the Showdown with Arizona, and maybe she will get the exposure she deserves then.