Category: News from the Dark Side
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NeuTube
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NOW PLAYING (at the Neu-art Theater, Rated NC-17 for language): Wannabe trojans getting cursed out by Pete Carroll’s viral son; COMING SOON (to UCLA, Rated RD-R-R for getting the last laugh): A Blockbuster Cast of Star Recruits from the A List who don’t want to be treated like Extras Is it…
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THREATS TO PUT CARROLL IN PERIL ARE STERILE
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Over a Barrel? Pete “under oath” would be more fun than a Barrel of Clemens, SO, usc will make sure that there’ll never be a trial (and McNair’ll be a lucky dog) A trial date has been set for the Bushgate Lawsuit, with Pete Carroll and Todd McNair both expected…
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DAVON JEFFERSON’S MOVIN’ ON UP (THE PAYSCALE)
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“Weezy Rider” has bigger fish to fry in the kitchen, and troy’s beans got burned on the grill, when they had to find out from the NBA that Jefferson’s finally got a piece of the pie So when a trojan stabs usc in the back, shouldn’t he become a Bruin…
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RIVAL WITH A CAUSE: USC SONG GIRLS TAKE THE SC PLUNGE FOR CHARITY
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Check your Hatred at the Door: Today, Bruins and Trojans come together and Pool their resources to raise money for a very worthy cause (by getting very wet!) A female Police Officer from the local Drug and Gang Task Force was recently shot while on duty. She is now confined to a…
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SLINKO DE MAYO: Another trO-J cuts and runs
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Over-worshipped “savior” slinks away, crucified by trOJans for failing to resurrect sc’s moribund Basketball “Program” O.J. didn’t do it. When now EX-trojan O.J. Mayo came to usc, he promised to put usc Basketball “on the map.” Well, Mayo led the trojans to a FIRST ROUND loss — versus an ELEVEN Seed…
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BREAKING NON-NEWS: NO DECISIONS YET
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Ben Howland said today in his Press Conference that the Los Angeles Times’ reports were ERRONEOUS, and that Kevin Love and Darren Collison did NOT already tell him that they were leaving. That doesn’t mean they are staying, just that no announcement is being made today. Apparently, the families will…
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JILT BY ASSOCIATION: AP SAYS O.J. DIDN’T MAKE THE CUT
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The Associated Press shows Mayo no Love, slicing O.J. from their All-American 3rd Team in favor of Darren Collison, and makes Kevin Love part of an Associated Precedent: The 1st-ever Seniorless 1st Team. For the second time in two days, Kevin Love’s name has been carved into Basketball History. On Sunday, he…
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IT’S A 1-DERFUL LIFE! ALL 4 #1’S SURVIVE TO MAKE FINAL FOUR AN ALL-TIME CLASSIC
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Kansas “Bailey” Escapes Davidson’s Capra-esque Finish and “Meats” John Doe, while Memphis turns Texas into Pottersville, full of Longhorn fans who bought pricey Final Four Tickets and are now getting drunk and wishing that they’d never been born Sometimes, “one” is NOT the loneliest number. For the first time in History, all four #1 Seeds have reached…
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McDONALD’S OPEN FOR JRUE-ISH HOLIDAY
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Jrue Deserves a Break Today: Bruin Commit Holiday scores 14 in McD All-Star Game, but “frustrated” trojan-to-be Derozan might have to grab a bucket and mop The immense talent gap between UCLA and usc is about to be Super-Sized. For the second straight year, Ben Howland has landed the Gatorade…
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LOVE AND LET DIE
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Licensed-to-Kill Kevin Love triggers Record-setting 70-29 Bruin Win (while usc doesn’t live to Die Another Day), but U(CLA) Only Live Twice if you overlook Texas A&M Tomorrow Never Dies… unless you’re usc. Fans in Omaha had A View To A Kill yesterday, as a humiliating 13-Point Upset Loss to ELEVENTH-SEEDED…
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usc: Where EVERYONE Majors in Armed Robbery (whether they want to or not)
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Bad Karma for O.J.U.? — In the wake of Simpson’s Armed Rob. and Kidnapping charges NOT being thrown out, two Armed Robberies occur IN usc CLASSROOMS For YEARS, we’ve been saying that paying tuition to usc for an education is like Highway Robbery. Well, we were close… When you CHOOSE to…
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Another Obedience SChool Dropout
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Ex-trojan “AireDale” White scooped up for Disobeying Police and Destruction of Property Fans of usc claim that it is NOT just a glorified Obedience School, and, it turns out that they are right: It isn’t glorified at all. In fact, calling it that would constitute an insult to Lassie, Rin…