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QUEER EYE FOR THE SKIRT GUY

Tommy is a Champion … of Gay Rights (and the Right to Remain Fabulous!)

Fairy Tale Ending:  A 10-year Tommy Trojan’s Gay Wedding is greasing the wheels of the fight against a ban on Same-Sex Marriage

Just call him “The Gay Caped Crusader.”

Every once in a long while, an ex-trojan does something worthy of strokes, and this time, it’s Tommy the Trojan himself.  A guy named Chuck, who wore the skirt of usc mascot Tommy for TEN YEARS, is about to get married – to a guy named Howard.  Howard is Chuck’s longtime companion, and a Hollywood Publicist, who knows a little something about Public Relations.

Thanks to a donation from the L.A. Police Chief, Chuck and Howard are getting major publicity for what appears to be a very selfless and generous act — The Couple has requested that in leiu of gifts, guests should make donations to thier Cause.  The Pair are fighting a proposed State Ban of Gay Marriages, which would keep other Gay couples in love from getting to enjoy the same marital bliss that they are about to be experiencing.

Do you realize how hard it is for a Gay Man to give up the whole “Bridal Registry” process?  Picking out bed linens, and Crystal, and China patterns??  It’s like Shopping Fantasy Camp.  Forfeiting all that just so OTHERS can be as lucky as they are?  That is NOT the way to earn your Trojan-for-Life Card.

And now there must be a massive apology — to all the maniacal Bruin fanatics who used to scream certain things at Tommy.  It used to seem pretty harsh and unfair — Just because he wore a skirt and carried a sword didn’t mean that he was The Gay Blade who liked sword-swallowers.  But now, at least for a decade, all those sodomy t-shirts were “true,” and all those politically-incorrect taunts were just valid observations that he himself would have found complimentary, NOT insulting.

Because, of course, there is nothing wrong with being Gay (as the tone of this article should demonstrate).  The only shocking thing is that a Gay guy would agree to wear those unstylishly hideous SANDALS for 10 years.  After all, they aren’t exactly Dorothy’s Ruby Slippers.  Snap!  (“You heard me, Girlfriend.”)

Let’s just hope that Howard insists that they use a trojan on their Wedding Night – since you already know who’s going to wear the pants in the relationship — and who will wear the skirt.

Tommy can you feel me? Tommy.  Tommy.  Tommy…

"QUEER EYE FOR THE SKIRT GUY" was published on July 24th, 2008 and is listed in News from the Dark Side.

Comments on "QUEER EYE FOR THE SKIRT GUY": 10 Comments

  1. Jason Whitmen wrote,

    A friend of mine just emailed me one of your articles from a while back. I read that one a few more. Really enjoy your blog. Thanks

  2. UCLADal wrote,

    Gotta love those trojans! To quote the commercial, “Trojan Man!” The spirit of troy!

    Hey T-H, maybe you could set up some Lienart/Tommy Trojan pics. Then again, there might be some real ones out there.

  3. Waldorf wrote,

    No kidding?!? Wow, this is the first I’ve heard of this…have I been living in a cave?

    Not that I doubt you, but do you have a link to this development? I need to compile some ammo to use on Trojie boards for when they call Geof Strand a gay guy.

    [T-H's Note: No link, but it was on Page 3 of the Calendar section of Wednesday's Los Angeles Times. I guess if you are REALLY skeptical, you could go to LATimes.com, and do a search for Chief Bratton. It's in an article called "Cause Celebre," written by Tina Daunt.]

  4. UCLAXTC wrote,

    And of course, and nice contrast to this article is the latest UCLA undie run…definitely not gay.

    http://laist.com/2008/07/22/it_was_the_biggest_ucla_undie_run_y.php?gallery8011Pic=10#gallery

    Hey T-H, did you make out to UCLA to cover the 2008 Spring Undie Run? Inquiring minds want to know.

    [T-H's Note: No, I do not attend the annual Undie Run. The one time I posted photos from it, I inadvertantly got some of the UCLA Cheerleaders in trouble with Mollie. In fact, that was the night when Mollie chased me down in Pauley to "request" that I take the photos down.]

  5. kbsfo wrote,

    Who cares if Tommy Trojan, cheerleaders, athletes, students or alumni are gay! No gay or lesbian man or woman that is a loyal Bruin or Trojan flaunts their sexuality in the way straight males do on this blog as they salivate regulary over the UCLA Dance team and cheerleaders. Straight people are ok. I just wish they weren’t so obvious about it!!!!! In follow up comments you are welcome to tease and ridicule me as much as you want. When you have multiple degrees from UCLA, have been in a committed, long term loving relationship for over 25 years and have fullfilled your life dreams-oh, and most importanly have season football tickets on the 50 yard line at the Rose Bowl and floor level in Pauley and enjoy the luxury of traveling to every away game-you can talk!!!

    [T-H's Note: Sulu, is that you?? Do you understand the gist of this article? Chuck is not being ridiculed -- He is being hailed as a mega-charitable American Hero. And I have NO problem with usc's mascot being a glowing symbol of Hope for Gay Men everywhere.]

  6. Rick wrote,

    Sweet note!
    Great article.
    Bite on for suc!

    P.S. What’d you expect from a Greek mascot–speaking of which, any word on when/if Petros Papadakis is coming out?

  7. kbsfo wrote,

    thanks for you great response-I guess I misunderstood your intent-thanks for the clarification!

  8. Waldorf wrote,

    kbsfo, you rock! I’m straight (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but I want to party with you!

  9. kbsfo wrote,

    Waldorf! great response-funny thing about my response and yours is that when a group of us does go out and party-especially at the Rose Bowl and as we did at the Final Four this year-we are a mix of everybody! You are invited to the party anytime! My partner constantly comments that the diverse group of friends we have truly represents what he always dreamed UCLA represented when he grew up as a young boy in the midwest. kbsfo

  10. Robert wrote,

    LMFAO, those picture comments are too much!! Thanks T-H. have you logged on to the whittier daily news? I posted this arcticle on the latest usc football report comments.

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