Wifebeater U — Yet another ex-trojan gets busted for violence against women, as Keyshawn Johnson gets arrested for domestic battery
Somewhere in a Nevada jail cell, O.J. Simpson is thinking: “You should have finished the job!” After all, it’s harder to get convicted if the complaining witness is too dead to testify. Ex-U$C Wide Receiver and ESPN Analyst (maybe not for long) Keyshawn Johnson was thrown in jail last night for Domestic Battery.
Police were called to Johnson’s residence on a potential spousal abuse offense, and found that Johnson — the author of “Just Give Me the Damn Ball (The Fast Times and Hard Knocks of an NFL Rookie)” — and his ex-girlfriend had gotten into a physical fight. Apparently, he gave her some hard knocks over the subject of MARRIAGE. Keyshawn may be a trojan for life, but wasn’t interested in becoming a trojan for wife.
So he reportedly grabbed the woman’s cell phone, causing a gash to her head. Johnson ADMITS smashing the phone, but like all indicted trojans, DENIES that he ever hit her. How she got that gash in her head will evidently remain a mystery.
Johnson immediately posted bail and was quickly released, and this morning was seen at an AT&T Store — WITH HIS EX — supposedly buying her a new phone. Some women never learn. Or maybe some women never learn… how to live without NFL-contract bling. It’s hard to have sympathy for someone who dates an arrogant prick ACCUSED OF HIRING A HITMAN TO MURDER HIS EX-WIFE — in the first place, let alone one who keeps dating him AFTER he goes to jail for an incident that leaves her with a gashed face. But who knows — maybe she just wanted to get her phone replaced before she got the hell out of Dodge.
Based on the long history of violent trojans skating on their charges, I will assume that Keyshawn will not end up getting in trouble for this latest incident. The woman will probably err on the side of materialism, and accept a buyout to be uncooperative with the prosecutors, allowing KJ to walk.
Then it will be up to ESPN, to show some integrity and fire the SCumbag. But instead, they will say that since the charges weren’t proven in a court of law, they will let him keep his job. So look forward to many more years of Johnson the Ex-beater, badly predicting who will beat who in the day’s NFL games.
[NOTE: If you're wondering why my headline isn't "JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN BAIL," it's because even though I came up with it immediately, TMZ and others had already used it in their articles, so I had to go in a slightly different direction.]