CHIPWRECKED

A three- hour horror, a three-hour horror — UCLA’s new Skipper Chip Kelly should forfeit his salary, because his first three games — all horrible losses — mark the worst start for the Bruins in recent memory, after Saturday night’s 38-14 Bulldog drubbing

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful Chip,  that started from this Rose Bowl field, aboard this Bruin ship.  The weather started getting rough, our tiny team’s been tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless fans, this season would be lost, this season would be lost.

No, I’m not going to cast away the whole season, or the new Skipper.  Things could change with time.  The former football genius couldn’t have possibly forgotten everything he knew.  However, his 2018 Bruin team is playing worse — MUCH worse — than the 2017 team who had many of the same players/talent level.  Sure, they’re missing stud QB Josh Rosen, but even when Rosen was injured last year, they weren’t nearly as bad as they have been this year.  Case in point:  The Bruins just got killed by lowly unranked Fresno State, in the Rose Bowl, 38-14.

The Bruins came out flat, getting totally dominated in the first quarter on both sides of the ball, and fell behind 16-0.  They came back in the second quarter, capitalizing on a fumble caused by Keisean Lucier-South, to score on a 45-yard pass from Dorian Thompson-Robinson to Theo Howard, to go to halftime down only 16-7.  The Bruins scored again in the 3rd, this time capitalizing on a Bulldog muff, making it 16-14.  Then Fresno State got focused, and took over the game.  By controlling both lines of scrimmage, they went on a 22-0 run to close out the game, with all three touchdowns coming on Quarterback keepers.  Fresno State QB Marcus McMaryion ran for FOUR TD’s on the night.

The Bruins sucked in every facet of the game, giving up 12 3rd down conversions while only converting 1 themselves, committing 11 mostly stupid penalties for 96 yards (almost doubling FSU), and committing 4 Turnovers (doubling FSU).  With the possible exception of Quentin Lake who made some great plays on Defense, the Bruins look poorly coached, and the gameplan is still dramatically un-inventive.  They still telegraph runs up the middle, especially on first down, and they use very little misdirection.

They are incapable of over-powering anyone, so they NEED the element of surprise, but they definitely are NOT utilizing it.  You know what IS surprising?  This asinine DANCE that the players do on the field, circling around from the sidelines like The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, even when they are getting their asses kicked by two touchdowns.  You know what else is surprising?  That a coach that was SO good, could be SO bad just a few years later.  Including his years in the NFL, Kelly is now 4-22 in his last 26 games.  WTF happened to Chip Kelly?!?  Is he a pod person?  An impostor?  Did he have a stroke?

Speaking of strokes, trojan fans are stroking out after sc got manhandled in Texas on Saturday, losing to the Longhorns 37-14.  Troy was up 14-3 before surrendering THIRTY-FOUR straight points.  Thus ends the trojan fans’ dreams of NCAA Playoffs, as their beloved football team falls out of the Top 25.  Head Coach Clay Helton now finds himself on the hot seat.  Maybe they can pick up Chip Kelly at the end of the year.  Cheap.

The Bruins are so bad right now, that they don’t deserve to have such amazing cheerleaders.  The Football team really needs to turn it around to justify these phenomenal students cheering their hearts out for them.  Here are 48 more photos from the game:  A few of the Football action, but most of the UCLA Spirit Squad, because that was the only part of the event worth immortalizing.