Month: September 2015

  • BRUINS TREAT ‘CATS LIKE A MINNESOTA DENTIST

    No Lyin’ — Even without the “Mane” Pride of UCLA and King of the Jungle Myles Jack, the Bruins go to Arizona and lure the Wildcats out of their comfort zone, outscoring them 42-7 (after a first-drive U 0f A TD), on their way to a convincing 56-30 triumph, with…

  • MYLES OF SCARS

    Lowered Expectations — Myles Jack injures his knee in practice and is out for the year.  That makes the THREE BEST, most crucial Defensive Starters all lost for the season The news couldn’t be any more tragic without someone dying.  The UCLA Bruins were devastated today by the news that…

  • BACK-ISH

    Happy Returns –UCLA’s Ishmael Adams is re-instated; Meanwhile it’s a black week for u$c, which is in the news for some very dark reasons  This past week, the Bruins’ Devin Fuller had some Kick Returns that helped UCLA achieve a miraculous victory over BYU.  Fuller as a Returner is like…

  • LOOKING DOWN ON THE CLOWNS

    Revolution #9 — For the moment, #9 UCLA can look down their noses at the Red-nosed Sarkisian and his Red-nosed Clown College trojans, who are the Nation’s Biggest Losers, dropping 13 spots to #19 after getting upset by an unranked Stanford squad; The Bruins also passed Florida State and Alabama…

  • LEGS FOOL YOUNG

    Brigham Young is stunned by a double-digit 4th Quarter Comeback, achieved mostly on the legs of Paul Perkins and Nathan Starks (when the Cougars expected the Bruins to pass the ball to catch up), as #10 UCLA nips #19 BYU 24-23; Meanwhile, u$c loses to Stanford to go to 0-1…

  • HEROINES REBORN

    The Next Generation — Everyone is impressed by the latest batch of Bruin Cheerleaders, whose superpowers include SUPER-SPEED (racing into our hearts faster than a speeding bullet), and SUPER-STRENGTH (lifting the spirits of 80,000 people at a time) As #10 UCLA gets ready to face off with #19 BYU at…

  • TROJAN-HORSE HATERS CLUB

    With quick clicks in six ticks, Harold Mansfield’s tricks kick out the pricks and find the fix that sticks, for my sick mix of chick pics. Hit the bricks, trojan dicks, you’ve been licked, so help me Skip Hicks! Gene(ius) Hackman! It took “only” TWO YEARS, but I finally found…

  • HAUNTED LOUSE

    Who ya gonna call? — Super Louse Pete Carroll’s Super Bowl Super-Blunder comes back to haunt him in his very next game, as this time, down by 3 in Overtime, he louses it up by calling Marshawn Lynch’s number on 4th and 1, but EVERYONE knows it’s coming, and Seattle…

  • WE CAN PERK IT OUT

      Better Call Paul — When the (blue) chip is down in Vegas, Perkins is the Cooler, rushing for 151 yards and 2 TD’s, including a 56-yarder, picking up a mortal Rosen and the Bruins in a 37-3 shellacking of UNLV Last week, the big Bruin story was the stunning…

  • SMUG TROJAN DRUG SMUGGLER ARRESTED FOR DIRTY LAUNDERING

    Laundry List — Add another name to the lengthy scroll of ex-trojan Football players who’ve gotten busted:  This time it is former Tight End Owen Hanson, picked up in relation to International Drug Smuggling, Money Laundering, and Perverting Justice Usually when you hear a form of the word “pervert” in…

  • GREAT OUTTA WESTWOOD

    CWA — These RAPture-causing, hip, hopping UCLA Cheerleaders With Attitude are cooler than an Ice Cube, even in the Pasadena heat Okay, so I don’t have a clue about Rap/Hip-Hop Music or Culture.  I have about 4,000 songs on my phone, and only 3 of them would qualify as being…

  • ROSEN BLOOMS THEN VANDER’ GOES

    Good News, Bad Knee — Rosen honored with National Player of the Week Award in his very first game, but UCLA’s leading tackler Eddie Vanderdoes injures his knee and is lost for the season For the first time in 10 years, a Bruin has won the Walter Camp National Offensive…