Month: December 2011
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PAIN AT THE HUMP
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What Hump? — UCLA can’t get over the hump, failing in all THIRTEEN of their Second Half attempts to take the lead, as they fall to Stanford, 60-59 UCLA went NINE AND A HALF MINUTES without a Field Goal in the First Half, falling behind Stanford by 11 points. Then Lazeric Jones…
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HARBAUGH AND FRISCO TAKE THE GAY OUT OF CARROLL (AND THE NFL TAKES THE GAY — AND PAY — OUT OF CUSHING)
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‘Tis the Season to be Jolly — Pete the Cheat’s Seahawks are barred from the Playoffs by his “What’s Your Deal?” nemesis, while his former trojan (and poster boy for alleged Steroid Abuse) Brian Cushing is fined $10,000 for Decking a QB with a dirty hit to the head Did you hear about the ultra-Conservative, homophobic nutjob who…
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DUDE, WEAR’S MY CAR!
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Bruins race past Spider-men after trailing by 9 in the 1st lap, then ride Travis Wear to take the checkered flag in 71-63 win over Richmond Be-ware of T. Wear! Travis Wear played his best game as a Bruin on Friday night, making key shots down the stretch as UCLA…
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MORA-BANNED = MORIBUND
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Over and Out — Mora lays down the law that will kill the tradition: If you join the “Over-the-Wall” practice-ditch, DON’T COME BACK! For those of you who don’t know, for about three decades, UCLA Football has had an on-again, off-again tradition of players bolting “over-the-wall” to blow off practice for…
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KNACK OF LAMB
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Lamb Shanks the Anteaters — Tyler Lamb scores a career-high 17 (in the first 28 minutes), and Norman Powell adds a career-high 19, as UCLA crushes UC Irvine, 89-60, to rise above .500 for the year It’s just a coincidence, but the Bruins are now 4-0 since their Nelsonectomy, and 6-5 on the season. Of…
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A VOLLEYWOOD ENDING
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DRAMATIC PAWS — Bruins come back to Wrap up 108th NCAA Title, with 4-Set Block-buster over Illinois Hello, Volley! They hadn’t won a National Championship in TWENTY years. They were seeded NINTH this year. They were facing two Set Points against them in the third Set when it was tied 1 Set…
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SOMEBODY CALL A VET
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Re-animated Josh Smith and Bruins put Aggies (and many fans) to sleep with 82-39 Pound-ing, holding UC Davis, a school better known for its Veterinary School than its Basketball team, to under 24% shooting, and only 8 points in the first 17 minutes Just like the good old days. UCLA won…
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WHERE EAGLES SCARE
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ILL-EAGLE PROCEDURE — Eastern Washington claws UCLA’s 14-point lead down to 2 in the 2nd Half, and is down only 5 with 7 minutes left, before Bruins finally soar away, 60-47 The Talent Gap favored UCLA. The TALON Gap favored the Eagles. And that Talon Gap meant that EWU outhustled…
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PLEASE SIR, I WANT SOME MORA
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“Consider Yourself,” at Home; Consider Yourself, One of the Family — New UCLA Football Head Coach Jim L. (“I’d Do Anything”) Mora is “Reviewing The Situation,” before making a single “Twist,” after being introduced at a Press Conference full of “Food, Glorious Food” Never before has a boy wanted more-a. If…
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PENN AND QUELLER
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Muting the Non-believers — Jones’ magic 21 and D. Wear’s double-double debunk the B.S. theory that the Bruins without disappeared Nelson can’t do the trick, in 77-73 win over the Quakers UCLA kicked off the Post-Nelson Era on Saturday, with a satisfying, fear-quelling 77-73 victory over the Penn Quakers. The Ivy…
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GOING, GOING, GOING, GONE
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Home Run Machine Albert Pujols and Ace Pitcher C.J. Wilson are going to the Angels, Bruin sharpshooter Jason Kapono is going to the Lakers, Jim Mora jr. is going to UCLA as Head Coach, and Reeves Nelson is gone from the Bruins, for good All the Right Moves. The Los Angeles…
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FRED FLINTSTONED
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[UPDATED: 12/7/11, 10:00PM] Get the Fred Out — Yet ANOTHER ex-trojan gets busted for substance abuse, as Fred Davis gets hit with a 4-game suspension by the NFL after failing multiple drug tests And they say that usc doesn’t teach their student-athletes anything of SUBSTANCE. For the umpteenth time, a…