SWEEP IT UNDER THE (ORIENTAL) RUG

A Day at the Racists — How long will it take before your Thanksgiving is marred by a crazy uncle making a blatantly racist statement, or maybe just innocently calling your Asian girlfriend “Oriental?”

Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope everyone enjoys the holiday, with family, friends, football, and a feast.  Most people, I think, look forward to this annual event, but some people dread it, due to family dysfunction and drama.  In more recent years, the awkwardness often arises when politics are discussed.  And in this political climate, politics can easily lead to the topic of Race.  With immigration and so-called national security on people’s minds, the issue is a huge divider.

I would guess in most families, where there are a dozen people gathered, there will be at least one person who disagrees vehemently with YOUR take.  That could lead to friction, and conflict, right at the dinner table.  So I recommend that you be AWARE of this fact going in.  Avoid the hot-button concepts and trigger terms, and try to keep it light.  And if something controversial comes up, be tolerant of other PEOPLE, no matter how ignorant, ill-informed, and out-of-touch their VIEWS are.  Is it still possible to LOVE your family, but hate their opinions?  What if those opinions are reflective of their core values?

One thing though:  Give the older generation a break.  I know a lot of seniors who may use a word that is no longer accepted, but mean absolutely no offense, and don’t have a racist bone in their bodies.  And if you explain that many people find the term (for example:) “Oriental” antiquated and perhaps an insulting slur, they would make sure to not use it again.  So don’t respond with a knee-jerk reaction of hostility, just be patient and understand that the motivation was not to disrespect a culture.

On a Bruin message board yesterday, someone complained about the trojans dancing around on the field before the 4th quarter while they were leading the game.  It was a combination of taunting and premature celebration.  I agree that it was pathetic, especially in retrospect, after they collapsed in the final period and LOST a Rivalry Game.  It deserved to be MOCKED.  Unfortunately, this posters described the trojans as dancing around like drunken “monkeys.”  Oops.

Since the majority of the dancing trojans were Black, using the word “monkeys” may not have been wise.  It didn’t help that his handle includes the word “Clan.”  Obviously, he’s using Clan as in “Bruin Family.”  He didn’t spell it with a “K.”  But some readers were still quick to point out that his choice of words in combination with his screen name may call his motivation into question.  Of course he didn’t mean anything racial when he typed “monkeys,” but when it was explained to him, he realized his poor judgment and apologized.  He will NOT do that again.

The other day, a good friend of mine told me that her Mother casually used the N-word in conversation last week.  Of course, my friend was mortified, and read her Mom the riot act.  Unlikely that this utterance will be repeated at the dinner table tonight in front of the grandchildren.  I’m glad it happened already, and the lesson was learned prior to the holiday.  This transgression is on a whole different level than the message board post, and should not and cannot be swept under the proverbial rug.

I would like to think that this was an isolated incident at least in my circle of friends.  But… another friend of mine, whom I’ve known since high school, moved to Alabama, married a gool ol’ boy from the Deep South, and now she uses the N-word like she used to use the word “like” when she was a Valley Girl — In other words, peppered throughout all of her dialogue.  “OmiGOD!”  Not only that, SHE was offended when I suggested that she didn’t need to use that word to make her point to me.  By the end of that conversation, we were no longer friends.

So you never know what you’re going to hear at the family dining table, especially as the wine flows and people lose their inhibitions.  I am NOT saying to tolerate Racism, because you shouldn’t.  All I’m saying is try to distinguish between someone with Racism in their hearts, and someone who grew up 50+ years ago, and isn’t exactly hip to what is or isn’t acceptable now.  Sure — Call out that first type, but calmly educate and enlighten that second type.  There is still hope for THEM.  They are not the ones carrying tiki torches.

Now… something to be thankful for —