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‘HART AND SOLE

‘Kobe Tai” is a Porn Star, who scored a lot.  Toby & Kai were born Stars, and scored a lot, too.

Stanford’s heart breaks, as Toby Gerhart beats it;  UCLA’s soul is saved, as Kai Forbath’s foot stays planted

Heisman Trophy runner-up Toby Gerhart, with the heart that he always plays with, was The Heart of Stanford Football.  Head Coach Jim Harbaugh was the Brains and the Balls, but Toby was the organ who made it tick.  And the Cardinal will be like the Tin Man next season, as Gerhart has announced that he is skipping his last year of college eligibility and entering the NFL Draft.

Gerhart has already completed 4 years and is done with school, but due to an injury, he played in only 1 game in 2007, so he could have used his Redshirt year, and come back and played for Stanford next year.  But Toby is going Pro, and there’s probably no one outside of Palo Alto who could possibly blame him.

Toby barely missed winning the Heisman, in the closest vote ever, scored 28 Touchdowns, and has absolutely nothing left to prove.  He is tough as nails, and strong as an ox, and is quite ready to play on Sundays.  And he will be taking his degree with him to the NFL.

And luckily for UCLA, so will Kai Forbath.  He will be a Senior next year, but as the Nation’s Best Kicker, he could have easily trasitioned to the Pro’s right now.  Forbath won the Lou Groza Award for Best Kicker, and was named to most All-American teams.  The one guy who occasionally edged Kai out — Alabama’s Leigh Tiffin — proved that Kai was #1, when he missed a 52-yarder, and a PAT in the BCS Title game.  Tiffin and Kiffin, both whiffin’ lately.  But Kai just nailed another one right through the uprights, when he announced that he is coming back to UCLA because he wants his UCLA Degree before he embarks on what is sure to be a long and lucrative career in the NFL.  He didn’t mention it, but another incentive might be that Kai will etch his name in stone in UCLA’s Record Books, going to the head of a class that includes legendary John Lee, Efren Herrera, Frank Corrall, Chris Sailer, Bjorn Merten, Alfredo Velasco, Zenon Andrusysshyn, and Justin Medlock.

Also, he just may be kicking more PAT’s and “game-winning” field goals this year.  No matter what the reason, it’s very nice to know that Field Goals for UCLA in 2010 will once again be automatic.  And for those people who think that having Forbath encourages Neuheisel to be more conservative because he can RELY on Forbath’s leg — NONSENSE.  There might be a few plays a season where Rick would go for it on a 4th Down IF NOT FOR Forbath.  Chances are they make a couple, and miss a couple.  In other words, it would pretty much be a WASH.  Meanwhile, Forbath MAKES almost every single Field Goal try, so those added points (compared to a guy with an average percentage) make up for any points potentially lost by settling for FG’s (because of total confidence in Kai) instead of going for it.

So, on the same day that UCLA retains the #6 Scorer in the Pac-10, Stanford LOSES #1.  But before you belt out a little Nelson Muntz “HA-ha” in the direction of Palo Alto:  The Trees already got their “revenge.”  On the very same day that Toby and Kai announced their decisions, Jim Harbaugh stole a top QB recruit from Neuheisel.  Northern Cal’s Brett Nottingham just switched his commitment from UCLA to Stanford.  He said that a Stanford degree could set him up for life.  Really?  So could Norm Chow.

And speaking of Northern Cal, Oakland Raider Coach Tom Cable is meeting with Owner Al Davis next week to determine his future.  And if the Head Coach who went 5-11 this year and punched out one of his Assistant Coaches doesn’t have a future with the Raiders, he just may end up at usc, with the Raiders of the South.  He worked for Lane Kiffin in Oakland, taking over for him when Kiffin was fired, and has been an Offfensive Coordinator in college before… for UCLA.  Cable, whose expertise is the Offensive Line, was Karl Dorrell’s OC for two years, but might be a better fit with sc:  Not only did he punch out one of his Assistant Coaches, but he also has some domestic violence issues in his life, just like sc Assistant Ed “Restraining Order” Orgeron.  Might as well keep these violence-against-women guys together, at the school whose fans still worship O.J. Simpson.

And if Cable comes, how long until he takes a swing at his smarmy boss?  

An Ode to Lane the Stain:

There once was a SCumbag named Kiffin
Who tried to add staff but kept whiffin’
His vow to wow Chow
Was a conjob, so now
His first year will suck like Blake Griffin’s

 

 [alternate version:]

There once was a SCumbag:  Lane Kiffin
Who sought out for help but kept whiffin’
He telephoned Norm
The reception?  Not warm.
So now he’ll debut like Blake Griffin

 

"‘HART AND SOLE" was published on January 16th, 2010 and is listed in Blue & Gold News.

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