Month: January 2011

  • LAZERIC JONES & THE TEMPE OF DOOM

    Bruins of the Lost (& Found) Arc — The snake-bit Sun Devils go on a crusade in the desert and dig out of a 15-point hole to force OT, but Jones and the Bruins suddenly become arc-heologists, whipping up a holy trilogy of three’s to excavate lost treasure And just when…

  • JUNK MAYO

    Stamp of disapproval — Yet ANOTHER cheating ex-trojan gets labelled as a Steroid Abuser, as the NBA delivers a $400,000, 10-game suspension to Memphis’ O. J. Mayo, while in a nearby Zip Code, the Titans mark ex-trojan Jeff Fisher “Return to Sender” O.J. Mayo is a Juicer?  Well, that explains why he…

  • LITTLE GOLD MAN FOR BLUE & GOLD MAN?

    UCLA grad James Franco gets nominated for the Best Actor Oscar, for his disarming performance in “127 Hours” Maybe no Bruin will win the Heisman Trophy any time soon, but a Bruin may win the Academy Award for Best Actor, in about 777 hours.  James Franco — yes, the frenemy from “Spiderman”…

  • PLEASE DON’T HIRE CARRIER… OF S.C.-LIOSIS

    Neuheisel is reportedly considering ex-trojan Mark Carrier for Defensive Coordinator — What part of “Rivalry” doesn’t Rick understand? To borrow a line from “King of the Hill” — I’M TRYING TO STOP AN OUTBREAK, AND NEUHEISEL IS DRIVING THE MONKEY TO THE AIRPORT!!!!!! And in this case, the “monkey” is…

  • MARK SANCHEZ: THE SHERIFF OF SNOTTINGHAM

    The Epickome of Trojan Class:  Before getting wiped out of the Playoffs in Picksburgh, ex-trojan Mark Sanchez gets caught on TV picking his nose, and wiping the snot on his back-up, Mark Brunell It’s either Trojan Class, or it’s snot.  Not since “Caddyshack” has there been a louder “snot heard ’round…

  • UCLA WINS, TROJANS LOSE, SC SPINS, STAFON SUES

    The Blue & Gold beat the Cardinal; The Golden Bears beat the Cardinal & Gold; Haden & Co. beg for Mercy, and Johnson wants some reimburse-y Talk about “Connect Four”… Four things happened yesterday that might be of interest to fans of The Rivalry, starting with the Bruins stringing together their fourth…

  • ESCAPE CLAWS

    Bears claw back from 15 down with 9 minutes left (and 14 down with 4 minutes left, and 8 down with 1 minute left) to tie game with 10 seconds left, but Nelson’s right claw tips in game-winner with 2 seconds left, as Bruins barely escape with grisly 86-84 victory…

  • ‘SON GASSES AT KNIGHT

    Shades of Hart — After UCLA falls down by 12, Jerime Anderson hits the gas, and he and Malcolm  Lee smoke the Ducks in Matthew Knight Arena, 67-59 The difference between the usual Jerime Anderson, and the Jerime Anderson who played against Oregon, was Knight & Day.  The NEW Jerime…

  • NO CIALIS IN CORVALLIS

    Bruins start out solid, but dysfunction and go limp against the Beavers, before coming back big to squeeze out a 62-57 victory, with Smith and Jones rising to the occasion to make the money shots If UCLA’s effort ever lasts for the entire 40 minutes, call a Doctor. At first,…

  • LIVE AND LET DYER

    Auburn survives the SPECTRE of defeat and Cam Newton’s mis-Q’s to snip Oregon 22-19 for the BCS Title, thanks to Michael Dyer’s 134 yards rushing and last-minute heroic stunt For those of you who hate Heisman Trophy winner Cam Newton, take heart — The suspected cheater and thief did more…

  • GOING TO “L” IN A H(OWL)ANDBASKET

    “L” Foldo:  Lazeric, Lee, Lamb and Lane are Lame, as UCLA Loses Lead, to Log their 4th “L” in a row against $C — It’s time for Howland to change his approach of downplaying the Rivalry At least Lazeric Jones has an excuse:  He really was “lame,” with his mangled finger.  But Malcolm Lee, Tyler…

  • UP THE DOWN STEROID

    Hall of Justice:  Admitted cheating trojan Mark McGwire, infamous for getting shots in his ass, gets a shot in the mouth from Hall of Fame voters, who deny his Induction by 348 votes, an even larger amount than last year Roberto Alomar — a guy who spit on an Umpire — got in, but lying,…