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Archive for January, 2010

  • KIFFIN ALREADY WHIFFIN’

    Sniffed, stiffed, and miffed:  Swift attempt by sc to $teal away Norm “It’s not always about the money” Chow comes up empty, leaving Kiffin 0-2 against Neuheisel Sorry trojans — you can’t buy happiness.  Sometimes, your arrogance gets in the way of your money. Every man MAY have his price, but usc could not pay […]

  • YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT(LOAD OF MONEY)

    This is not a (boating) accident:  Kiffin was supposedly hired only after promising to reel in Chow, but despite a million and a half clams in bait, Norm may be “the one who gets away” It’s hard to resist a million and a half bucks.  And it’s hard to turn down a chance to run a team of 5-star […]

  • ALL IN ALL, IT’S JUST ANOTHER PRICK IN THE HALL

    To replace Pete the Cheat Carroll, Heritage Hall steals back Lane the Stain Kiffin, the “flat-out liar” who “brought disgrace” to the Raiders, and brought Armed Robbers, a “Rapist,” a Hostess scandal, and a host of other violations to Tennessee before screwing the Volunteers in the middle of the night and causing a near-riot Send in […]

  • BIG MAC SPILLS HIS SPECIAL SAUCE

    To get out of a pickle and make some lettuce, cheesy ex-trojan Mark McGwire finally admits to 10 years of injecting beefy steroids into his buns, and to 20 years of telling seedy lies to cover it up From Pete the Cheat to McGwire the Liar.  At least McGwire admits that he’s been lying. With Tiger […]

  • FORECAST FOR SEATTLE? CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEAT-HEADS

    Pete the Cheat Beats the Heat:  Carroll’s a Skater (with the Traitor and the Bater), as the Instigator/Investigator-Evader says “Later, Educator” to usc Ding, dong, the Cheat is Gone… and just when it was getting interesting. Apparently, Pete Carroll has tendered his RESIGNATION as usc football’s Head Coach.  And he’s reportedly taking two of his bootlicks with him:  […]

  • Trees “RIDE GREEN TO MAPLES” Win

    Attack of the Killer Turnovers:  Stanford “Bates” UCLA, then dramatically flicks them aside, as Jeremy Green’s Runaway Production reel-y comes in “Tandy” in making sure that the careless Bruins die in the end, 70-59 Sometimes, watching UCLA play is tougher than watching a “good date film.”  Bruin Basketball or a Chick Flick — I hate […]

  • PETE BURNS RUBBER(S), LEAVING SKIDMARKS ALL OVER FIGUEROA SKIRTS

    Best Getaway since Al “A.C.” Cowlings:  After a brief jockeying for po$ition with the Seahawks, Carroll is expected to high-tail it out of Condumb-land, right before the sh*t hits the fan(s) From Star-f*cker to Starbucker? Is Wil Ferrell and Snoop Dogg’s buddy really moving to the land of double lattes?  And is he really fleeing […]

  • THE HEADLESS HORNSMEN FALL SHORT

    Longhorn LEGEND Colt McCoy gets injured early, and Texas falls behind by 18, before giving SLEEPY Alabama a scare, and then a HOLLOW win, 37-21 The Alabama Crimson Tide are the BCS National Champions, because they were able to do what usc couldn’t:  They held off a furious comeback in the Rose Bowl by the Texas Longhorns. With the Coach […]

  • “DON’T THROW THAT AWAY, IT’S A ROLL-OVER MINUTE!”

    Emergency Break-through:  Off-the-hook Michael Roll takes Jerime Anderson off the hook, by saving JA’s blocked pass and cranking in the game-winner with 1.9 seconds left in Overtime, as 15-point underdog UCLA disconnects Cal like a dropped call, 76-75 Boy, did Cal dial a wrong number. How about “11%.”  That’s what the Golden Bears dialed up from […]

  • TROJANS GO F*CK THEMSELVES

    USC Assumes The Mercenary Position:  The Pro-jan Basketball team gets bent over and pounded from behind by a self-imposed spanking, as Southern Cal FINALLY admits that they paid a player, but only in an effort to save the Football program from getting Screwed to Death by the NCAA Yeah, just call it the University of Self […]

  • FOGG-HORNE BEG, MOURN

    Fogg-Horne, Leg up:  Flogged, torn, by Fogg, Horne, UCLA lays an egg, getting cold-cocked 77-63 in their own roost by Arizona, as Wildcats Kyle Fogg, Jamelle Horne — and Derrick Williams — scramble the Bruins with an early wake-up call Cock-a-doodle-don’t. The momentum of a three-game winning streak and a 1-and-0 start in the Pac-10 is […]

  • NEW YEAR’S BLOCKIN’ EVE

    Happy New Jer, 20(1-0):  Jerime Anderson refuses to let the ball drop, with a game-saving block as the Countdown hits zero, in UCLA’s 72-70 victory over ASU that skyrockets the Bruins to 1-0 in the Pac-10 and 1st Place The Bruins saved their best for last. On the final day of 2009, the ’09-’10 Bruins played their […]

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