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Archive for March, 2008

  • BEARS’ BULL-EXCHANGES FUND BRUINS, WHO MERRILY LYNCH CAL, 88-66

    Bruins Crash Cal’s NCAA hopes, as all the Insider Info about Payback fail to yield a Return On Investment for Bears If you ignored Tim Floyd’s Stock answer and speculated on the Bears, you’re now a little “broker.” For once, Floyd was right.  Before the UCLA-Cal rematch, when told that the Bears WANTED the Bruins […]

  • “WALLOWS” RETURN TO CALIFORNIA MISSION

    Cal’s Cryin’ Ryan Anderson says “We OWE it to” UCLA, because that last loss was so hard to Swallow.  And it is “Mission: POSSIBLE,” since the lightly-motivated Bruins could self-destruct against a fired-up Bear team that has been wallowing in self-pity for five days and has its back to the (adobe) wall. The Rematch is set, but only […]

  • WHEN IT DWAYNES, IT POURS: JARRETT’S DWI COMPLETES A CRIME TROY-FECTA

    1 Past, 1 Present, and 1 Future trOJan have all been Spirited away this week by Police, and that doesn’t even include Marijuanovich’s little brother   Dwayne Jarrett was supposed to be an immediate NFL success, based on his numbers in “College.”  Instead, during his Rookie season with Carolina, Jarrett got Skunked.  Zero Touchdowns for the guy […]

  • WHEN YOU’VE GOT LOVE, THE WHOLE WORLD IS JEALOUS

    POY Vey:  While an envious Nation still has the Chutzpah to be Farklempt over three Unorthodox calls, King of the Bru’s Kevin Love is Chosen as Pac-10 Player of the Year (“Disputed by no one, this call should be”) There’s still a lot of crying going on out there, but deep down everyone knows:  UCLA has an amazing […]

  • TOUCHY FILI

    Irritable TrOJan Syndrome:  Fili Moala gets arrested for obstructing Justice, by refusing to do The Routine, and Heel for Police This time, it’s really him. It looks like some small-time crook is the Miss Cleo of Perps.  Last year after getting arrested on a drunk and disorderly or some other crime, some guy tells Police that he […]

  • GET YOUR MATA RUNNING

    Before Bruins Head Out on the Highway, Looking for Adventure or whatever comes their way, they give Mata-Real a send-off worthy of the Matador who definitely proved to be Bruin Material The Pride of Southgate said he wouldn’t cry.  Then after the fact, he said that he didn’t cry.  Well, maybe he didn’t, but he sure […]

  • SHIPP OVERBOARD!!

    Glass-bottom Shipp-shot sinks the Navy & Gold for UCLA’s second straight titanic comeback, 81-80 Just when you think it’s safe to go back in the water, you see two icebergs.  But then you beat the Lopez Twins, and relax for Cal.  But the Pac-10’s leading scorer – with ice in his veins – along with the […]

  • GETTING DOWN TO THE HEART OF THE MATA: THIS BRUIN SHOULD GET THE BEST OF YOUR LOVE

    It’s the End of the Innocence for Senior Mata-Real, and no one has played more like a Desperado than Lorenzo, refusing to Take It Easy, and soaring like an Eagle to two Final Fours while living Life in the Fast Lane Today is Seniors Day at Pauley Pavilion, so Lorenzo Mata-Real will be making his final appearance on […]

  • TREE-CHOPPERS’ SHOW-STOPPER IS PROPER THREE-CORK POPPER: UCLA’S NEVER-SURRENDER TRIUMPH PUTS STANFORD IN THE PAC-10 BITCH SEAT

    Bruin fans are spared having to rev up for sc, as UCLA hogs 3rd straight Pac-10 Title with 77-67 come-from-behind-late Overtime victory Now you don’t have to worry about rooting for usc to beat Stanford in order to give the Bruins the Conference Title.  UCLA took care of that on Thursday night, when they clinched their third consecutive Pac-10 […]

  • FINK AND PINK OUT OF SYNC

    Annoyed Floyd raises racket, but Hackett won’t back it The first rule in Bullsh!tting, is to always get your stories straight.  Apparently, usc Head Coach Tim “Pink” Floyd didn’t pass that class.  “We don’t need no ed-u-ca-tion.  We don’t need no thought control.  No dark sarcasm in the classroom.  Teacher leave those kids alone!” Floyd […]

  • FORMER IMPOSTERS ADD FOSTER TO ROSTER

    ‘Niners pick up Bruin to Back up in Frisco as if covered in Crisco Carolina’s loss is San Francisco’s Treat:  Running Back DeShaun Foster is now a member of the San Francisco Forty-Niners.  Foster will now be kicking it into Ghiradelli for an up and coming team that features Alex Smith at Quarterback.  Smith was […]

  • LOVE’S WILL FINDS A WAY: KEVIN LOVE MAKES IT “SEVEN-LOVE” OVER DIS-ADVANTAGED U OF A

    KLove is smashing as Bruins gut out ‘Cats 68-66 in back-and-forth match, netting UCLA its 7th straight win over Arizona, who is no longer “The Standard” to whom Tim Floyd aspired On a day where Kobe goes for 52,  AND, Jason Kidd’s choke allows the Lakers to beat Mark Cuban’s Dallas Mavericks in Overtime, AND, the Bruins beat the trojans in Baseball […]

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